July 9, 2025
Self-Care or Self-Indulgence? A Candid Rewatch
What’s the difference between real self-care and just...numbing out? In this rewatch of one of our most popular episodes, Lisa and Josh break down the blurred line between authentic self-care and self-indulgent habits that leave you drained.
With fresh commentary from both masculine and feminine perspectives, they ask:
- Is self-care about bubble baths or boundaries?
- Are men still made to feel guilty for resting?
- Can gaming, snacks, and silence count as self-care?
- How do you tell if something actually recharges you—or just avoids your burnout?
You’ll learn how to spot what actually works for your wellbeing, how social media has warped the self-care conversation, and why kids might be the real self-care gurus.
Key topics:
- Difference between self-care and self-indulgence
- Setting boundaries as the ultimate act of self-care
- Gender and self-care: the unspoken male experience
- Real-life self-care examples that aren’t Instagram-worthy
- How to build a sustainable self-care practice that actually sticks
📌 Whether you’re navigating burnout, setting new boundaries, or just trying to care without guilt—this one’s for you.
Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever.
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence — hit subscribe and leave a review. It helps more unhinged humans find us.
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🗓 New episodes every other Thursday.
Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.
00:00 - Revisiting self-care vs. self-indulgence
04:09 - Childhood hobbies as self-care
06:24 - Defining self-care vs. self-indulgence
10:41 - Setting boundaries as ultimate self-care
18:32 - Social media's impact on self-care
20:56 - Men vs women self-care preferences
WEBVTT
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Hi everyone, welcome to Brother, sister.
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Whatever where real talk meets zero chill.
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I'm Lisa.
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I'm Josh.
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So today is something kind of special.
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We're taking our self-care versus self-indulgence episode that we did, I think, pretty early on in our podcast season and we're giving it a re-watch.
00:00:23.772 --> 00:00:27.830
That was the episode that you were actually away, yeah.
00:00:27.830 --> 00:00:35.832
Um, so I did that one solo, uh, which uh was kind of scary, uh I was like oh my gosh.
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I wonder if I'm gonna be able to, like you know, carry the episode.
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Of course, there's something to be said about having us bounce off of each other, so not having that dynamic was a little different, but the topic really resonates with everybody.
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For sure.
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And so one of the reasons that we decided to kind of re-watch this episode with you is because I wanted to get your opinion as a man.
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The old, wise one.
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And you know what self-care means to you.
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So let's dive into it, shall we?
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Sure, okay, let's do it.
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Our weekly.
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What if on the original episode was if you could only use your 10 year old selves hobbies for self-care right now, what would they be, and do you think that they would actually still work?
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What about you?
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I mean, I definitely think even my 10 year old self games was like a big, a big part of it.
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I think the one thing that was very different well actually, yeah, yeah, it's still kind of different is sports.
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When I was a kid man, the amount of sports that I did, that's true Basketball.
00:02:01.111 --> 00:02:01.733
Baseball.
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Baseball Hockey, street hockey.
00:02:04.605 --> 00:02:07.551
You know, there was just always something I was always hockey.
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There was just always something I was always out, I was always doing something.
00:02:10.123 --> 00:02:11.106
Yeah, you were very active.
00:02:11.729 --> 00:02:12.110
Yeah.
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Actually we were as a family.
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Yeah, I'd say so.
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Mom and dad were pretty outdoorsy.
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Yeah, dad especially.
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Yeah.
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And yeah.
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So I was going to say I guess I'm technically not doing that now, but theoretically now.
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My sport is the gym, right, so it's kind of, you know, kind of in the same category in a way, you know.
00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:41.530
So I think that without knowing it, that was kind of my self-care.
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You know the sports Like, I think you know it does something to you right, like the exercise, the, you know the mental stimulation, all of it.
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When we're kids, we don't really think of it as self-care, right.
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It's just stuff that we love to do.
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Yeah, like everything.
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As a kid, I think everything you do really is very selfish, right, it's really all about self-care or like things that you want to do for yourself, like you're not thinking of other people very, very often as a kid.
00:03:10.627 --> 00:03:19.350
Yeah, so I think, like in many ways, kids have it like they have it, right.
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You know what I mean.
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They know what's going to make them feel good and they stick with it.
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It always comes up that kids, the innocence and the no care mentality is so just beautiful.
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Yeah.
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And then it's slowly killed out of you.
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Exactly Malheureusement.
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Yeah, that's too bad.
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Yeah, that's too bad, because I think if we kept a little bit of that, even just a fraction of that, inside of us, but like not just the I'm not talking about the specific self-care thing that you would do, like straight up or whatever.
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I'm talking about the mentality that you have when doing something you love right and making it a priority for your well-being, your mental health.
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I think we could go places Like if we kept even just a fraction of it.
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Yeah.
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It's too bad.
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Well, I mean, yeah, it's too bad, but it's almost full circle, Because don't you notice that this happens when you're a child and then when you become an adult it slowly gets kind of taken away, and then as we get older, we go back to looking for that, what we had.
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Yeah, Right.
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Well, that's the stage I'm in for sure.
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Well, me too.
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Yeah, I think and I can't speak for everyone, but I think a lot of people that are, you know, in their 40s and so on, they kind of have that realization of like, okay, you know, like I need to pay attention to me too.
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Yeah.
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Especially if I want to help the people around me.
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Yeah, right.
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So yeah, yeah, for sure.
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Well, that's the weekly.
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What if?
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All right, josh.
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So, speaking of self-care and kind of like segueing into self-indulgence and the difference between the two, what?
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What do you think the difference is?
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let, Let me.
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My thought is like food.
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Okay.
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So for you know, self-care.
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It's like I might have hear me out.
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You know I might have that salad, but I'll have like a little something.
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A little treat.
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A little treat, you know where it's like.
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This whole thing is kind of like that self-care, you know like I'm eating healthy but also I'm balancing what I'm eating.
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Okay.
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Versus self-indulgence would be like you know, I'm going to have that ginormous piece of cheesecake and that's it.
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That's all you know, and I'm not going to hit my protein or you know.
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So I guess, like that's my analogy in any kind of term you know.
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Yeah, if that makes sense, yeah.
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It's like self-care could be.
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Oh yeah, okay, no, look, they're coming.
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Self-care could be like you know, I'll spend half an hour after the gym, in between waking up my kids to go to school, I'll spend half an hour and I'll play my game.
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It's the only time I play a game now.
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It's just 30 minutes.
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It's right before everyone gets up, so it's like 5.30 am.
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I'll play half an hour and then it's like I had my fix To me.
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That's self-care.
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Indulgence would be from guilty in the past, but from 4 pm to 11 pm I'm gaming.
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And everything else falls to the wayside.
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Yeah, and I might be like, hey, go to bed, you know, or whatever.
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Like that is like okay, you know you're, you're, you're taking a little too much now, yeah, kind of thing okay, but now, like, let's take the feeling of it, the feeling behind it, right, I've really started to look at, like, what I do for self-care and as, as I had mentioned in the original, it was the doom scrolling, it was the sitting and just like because I had nothing else to give, kind of look at it like the cup is me right, and what I'm putting in it or what I'm doing can either fill the cup or take away from the cup.
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If you're somebody like me, that's always like got to take care of everybody else.
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You're always putting yourself last.
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Now I'm realizing the importance like that, that metaphor it's a metaphor for a reason, with the airplane and giving yourself oxygen before you save other people, right, it's so freaking true.
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You can't, you could until you can't anymore, and then, when you can't, it's like, yeah, what else do you have For guilt?
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It's really important to remember that you are allowed to give yourself self-care.
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It's okay, yeah, I think that's very difficult and I think sometimes even I've been guilty in doing the opposite, but not to myself and I don't mean to do it.
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But sometimes it just kind of happens where you have a friend or a partner where it's like they do one of their things, that is like their self-care, but like, because you're not seeing the full dynamic of it, it almost looks like that's the only thing happening.
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So you're kind of like like what are you doing?
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But do you know what I mean?
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Because I've been in that like the reverse.
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Where somebody's looking at you Like I get my little half an hour and, for whatever reason, someone wakes up in that half hour, and then I kind of have that like, oh shit, I'm caught.
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Like look, you know what I mean though, yeah, but you shouldn't.
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No, I know I think it's because society as a whole is like hustle mentality.
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Yeah.
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Like the fuck are you doing?
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Don't you have something to do?
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Yeah?
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Don't you have kids to raise, don't you have, like you know?
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I think we're kind of programmed like that.
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Cows to milk and shit.
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I don't know what.
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I thought I'd bring that in from our survivor, you know.
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Oh, thought I'd bring that in from our survivor, you know.
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I don't know, but I just, I just think, yeah, I just I just think that there's a lot of uh, a lot of judgment from other people.
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There's, like you know, everybody's saying hustle, hustle, hustle.
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Nobody has time for self-care and everybody's struggling and it's affecting mental health.
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Yeah, and, and, and.
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I think everyone is guilty of both scenarios.
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Oh, absolutely.
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You know, like I don't want to say that I give everyone their self-care and I'm very, you know, like I'm sure there's times where I'm like you know, or whatever.
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Where do you overindulge instead of recharge?
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Where do I?
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Specifically for you?
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Yeah, is there an area that you know you overindulge in as opposed to recharging, or not really.
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Um, I think I could confidently say maybe the people in my life would think differently.
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I don't know, but I think I could confidently say that I really don't overindulge.
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But you do self-care, right, yeah, okay, so that's good.
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So you feel like you are.
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Like I said, I have my little game in the half hour.
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Self-care for me is still, even though it, you know it feels like a task, I still love the working out Like I feel like I have to do it.
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Self-care for me is counting my calories.
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You know, like all of these things are like very much part of that.
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You know I feel good doing that.
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Okay.
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If I'm not counting my calories, you know, I don't know, that could be a sickness, I guess too.
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But you know, if I'm not counting my calories, or I'm, you know, then I'm starting to feel like I'm not taking care of myself.
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Okay.
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You know Okay.
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I get it.
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So I think, and then you know, I try not to feel guilty when.
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I quote, unquote, overindulge, even though it's probably not overindulging, like you know I'll, I'll be like, oh, okay, I'm gonna have that cheesecake.
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You know, and it's like I was good all week.
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You have to make excuses in my head, valid excuses, but you know, like, okay, well, you know, I mean I did all week, you know all.
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I had was like a piece of baklava.
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I did all week.
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All I had was a piece of baklava.
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I have my cheesecake.
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It's in my calories, it's in my range.
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You almost have to.
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Yeah, you know yeah.
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So maybe aim for doing that and allowing yourself to do that with less guilt.
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Yeah, and I think I'm much better, because I used to be that annoying person, especially when it came to food, or it was like oh, but there's that in the food, it's poisonous, you know, or whatever and like now I have like a such a different outlook on that.
00:12:43.037 --> 00:12:51.216
I'd say that like I don't think I really overindulge on any category, um, at least nothing I can really think of.
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I don't like shop till I drop, kind of thing.
00:12:54.125 --> 00:12:56.870
Okay, so you don't overindulge very much.
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But the level of self care do you think that's where it needs to be for you?
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Like, are you happy with where you are at self care or do you feel like something's still lacking?
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I think if you're happy I'm not saying that this is just my personal opinion, but I think if you're happy at self-care, like where you are, I think that something's not right, like I feel like you're always going to be.
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Needing and wanting and Maybe, yeah, switching it up.
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Yeah, you're always going to be kind of looking for more self-care.
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I don't think it's something where it's like I'm perfect this way.
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If I have this, I will always be perfect.
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That's true.
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I feel like it's more of like a journey thing and you just kind of get what you get.
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Sometimes it might be more, sometimes it might be less, it might be less, and it's just not really a set quote or quota that you need in order to feel perfect.
00:13:58.490 --> 00:14:11.436
Okay, yeah, you know, like I'm getting into meditation now, you know, and I'm I'm really into taoism and this and that, so it's like these are the things that I don't want to be maxed out.
00:14:12.537 --> 00:14:13.378
Right yeah.
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If I'm maxed out, I don't know, I'll feel, you know, like I mean, if I was maxed out, that means I would be a total piece Like everything would be.
00:14:22.248 --> 00:14:26.658
I would be Josh the monk you know, like I mean and and and.
00:14:26.745 --> 00:14:37.705
You know, even, I'm sure, even if you talked to one of them, they'd be like, no, we, you know, you know, even, I'm sure, even if you talked to one of them, they'd be like, no, you know, I'm not, I'm not at the max, right, you know, I mean, I'm not, that's true.
00:14:37.705 --> 00:14:47.696
I'm not that, you know, methodical, there kind of thing, but, like I'm sure, like the Dalai Lama wouldn't be like oh yeah, I'm so chill.
00:14:47.696 --> 00:14:50.019
You know what I mean, I'm perfect.
00:14:50.019 --> 00:14:53.106
You know what I mean, I'm perfect.
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You know, like, yes, I meditate every day, and you know, I'm sure you'd have some crazy humble comment where you'd be like, oh my God, you know, like even him, you know what I mean, though.
00:15:02.245 --> 00:15:05.432
So, yeah, yeah, it's a good way of looking at it.
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I didn't look at it like that, like it's like a journey, just like life.
00:15:09.650 --> 00:15:12.336
Self-care is yeah, that's pretty good.
00:15:13.057 --> 00:15:13.557
I like that.
00:15:13.557 --> 00:15:15.019
Josh the Monk Remember that.
00:15:18.825 --> 00:15:21.433
Josh the Monk, do you think that men and women treat self-care differently?
00:15:21.754 --> 00:15:31.427
Yes, but I do feel, though, that it's almost like Is taboo the right word when it comes to men and self-care.
00:15:31.427 --> 00:15:33.390
I feel like it's very like is taboo the right word when it comes to men and self-care.
00:15:33.390 --> 00:15:33.892
I feel like it's very.
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We're not allowed to talk about that kind of thing.
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Talk about it.
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You're not even allowed to do it.
00:15:40.145 --> 00:15:42.009
Yeah, exactly, self-care.
00:15:42.009 --> 00:15:51.052
I've always felt that vibe, even just growing up, be a man, suck it up, buttercup, this is your life now.
00:15:51.052 --> 00:15:52.052
And so when it was like, oh, like, suck it up, buttercup, like this is your life now, there, you know.
00:15:52.052 --> 00:15:55.575
And so when, when it was like you know, oh, men can express their feelings too.
00:15:55.575 --> 00:15:58.869
Or you know, men are deserved to do that.
00:15:58.869 --> 00:16:04.461
You know, even men will argue about that.
00:16:04.461 --> 00:16:07.328
You'll have some men that will be like yeah, you deserve that.
00:16:07.328 --> 00:16:12.826
And then you'll have other men who will be like you're a clown, you know.
00:16:12.826 --> 00:16:13.607
So you have it from men.
00:16:13.607 --> 00:16:25.178
And then you have it from the other side too, where it doesn't look masculine, right, and then you know, and, and, and you know, as a man you kind of get confused.
00:16:25.884 --> 00:16:30.653
So one of the things that came up was boundaries.
00:16:30.653 --> 00:16:35.200
Do you think boundaries is part of self-care?
00:16:36.527 --> 00:16:37.049
I do now.
00:16:38.946 --> 00:16:39.186
Same.
00:16:39.186 --> 00:16:41.671
I never would have put that together.
00:16:41.671 --> 00:16:48.089
I always thought like self-care was like caring for your body.
00:16:48.089 --> 00:16:49.993
Do you know what I mean.
00:16:49.993 --> 00:17:06.536
It's like the serums and the bubble baths and the, but the, and then by default, that would give you, that would inevitably give you the, the, the, the mental, self-care part of it would come naturally through those acts.
00:17:06.856 --> 00:17:07.117
Right.
00:17:08.247 --> 00:17:10.478
And yeah, that's not always the case.
00:17:10.478 --> 00:17:11.241
No, not always the case.
00:17:11.784 --> 00:17:11.845
No.
00:17:12.506 --> 00:17:13.369
Not always the case at all.
00:17:14.065 --> 00:17:19.016
I mean self-care in the sense of boundaries is like.
00:17:19.416 --> 00:17:19.938
The ultimate.
00:17:20.224 --> 00:17:25.345
Well, yeah, because I mean you know if you're getting mentally abused, right?
00:17:25.586 --> 00:17:28.275
What's a bubble bath going to do Nothing, right?
00:17:28.766 --> 00:17:31.894
So yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of self-care, yeah, right, so?
00:17:31.934 --> 00:17:33.439
yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of self-care, yeah Right.
00:17:33.439 --> 00:17:34.461
Yeah, I agree.
00:17:34.461 --> 00:17:52.428
Setting a boundary does 10 times more for my self-care than any amount of reading a book or sitting in a room full of scented candles and meditating.
00:17:52.428 --> 00:17:56.785
It changes things.
00:17:56.785 --> 00:18:06.980
In the original episode we spoke about social media and yes and, and how it affects our views on self-care.
00:18:07.641 --> 00:18:07.902
Yeah.
00:18:09.044 --> 00:18:09.746
Right, right.
00:18:09.746 --> 00:18:10.968
Do you have anything to say about that?
00:18:11.736 --> 00:18:15.286
I think social media takes it a little, you know, too far.
00:18:16.675 --> 00:18:35.003
As with most things, I think the you know I've I've fallen victim to that right when I've gone out and bought like the 7-step Korean you know serum that I never use, and you're just like you know.
00:18:35.304 --> 00:19:13.913
But here's the thing Self-care, and like we were talking about boundaries, and like it doesn't matter what the act is, it's about the feeling that you're getting from it right, and whether it fills your cup or it doesn't fill your fucking cup and at the end of the day, over time, I've realized that watching all of these things on Instagram and whatever takes all of my energy away from me never makes me feel any better about myself, lowers the amount of money I have in my fucking account because I'm going out and I'm buying all of these stupid things that apparently are supposed to make me happy.
00:19:13.913 --> 00:19:14.556
That don't.
00:19:14.556 --> 00:19:33.906
And at the end of the day, all I really need is some good boundaries, a few affirmations popping up in my Instagram feed and a positive attitude and like yes, of course, watch the Netflix, you know, have the bubble bath.
00:19:33.906 --> 00:19:40.045
Of course Nobody's saying don't do that, but what does it make you feel?
00:19:40.045 --> 00:19:41.780
That's the main point.
00:19:41.780 --> 00:19:43.539
That's how I look at it.
00:19:43.760 --> 00:19:49.202
And, and you know, you can get the cream that that the person is using, or whatever.
00:19:49.202 --> 00:19:59.823
I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that, like the facade of, like, you know, like this thing this is what you need to be happy.
00:20:00.084 --> 00:20:04.182
Exactly this is what you need to be fulfilled, and that's that's what's happening.
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