Sept. 11, 2025
Oldest Sibling Problems No One Talks About!
What really happens in the oldest vs youngest sibling dynamic? In this first episode of Lisa’s Rewind, I’m unpacking the infamous “Snitching Incident of ’94” — not just the story itself, but the psychology behind it.
Being the oldest sibling in the 90s wasn’t a privilege, it was a trap: responsibility without authority, blame without thanks. If you told, you were a snitch. If you didn’t, you were complicit. And decades later, those patterns of oldest vs youngest still shape how we show up in adulthood — in our families, our work, and even our relationships.
In this episode, we’ll dive into:
*Why oldest siblings became the family’s unpaid hall monitors
*How “snitching” has evolved from whispered tattles to screenshots and receipts
*Why siblings remember the same events completely differently
*The therapy tip that helps when your memory doesn’t match theirs
Whether you were the rule-follower or the rebel, this episode will make you rethink the roles we grew up in — and maybe why we still carry them.
Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever, your no-BS guide through the messy middle!
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence as a GenX/Xennial — please hit subscribe and leave a review. It genuinely helps more unhinged humans find their people.
Keep the Real Talk going:
➡️ Follow @brothersisterwhatever on YouTube for video episodes, Instagram for Reels & rants, and Facebook for community!
📧 realtalkzerochill@gmail.com
🌐 www.brothersisterwhatever.com
🗓 New episodes every other Thursday.
Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.
00:00 - The Oldest Sibling Trap
01:05 - The Snitching Incident of '94
02:40 - Oldest Siblings: Unpaid Middle Managers
05:10 - Then vs. Now: Evidence Evolution
06:37 - Overrated/Underrated Sibling Life
08:15 - Retro Therapy: Feelings Over Facts
08:42 - Rewriting Your Sibling Story
WEBVTT
00:00:00.401 --> 00:00:22.469
Quick question was being the oldest sibling, basically just an unpaid internship, Because in 1994, I wasn't just the oldest, I was the snitch, the babysitter, the emotional support animal and the unpaid hall monitor all rolled into one and let me tell you it was a thankless job.
00:00:22.469 --> 00:00:29.742
So today, on Lisa's Rewind, we're going back to the infamous snitching incident of 94.
00:00:29.742 --> 00:00:32.368
But this isn't just about tattling.
00:00:32.368 --> 00:00:41.560
This is about the oldest sibling trap, how we were set up to be responsible for everything and why that dynamic hasn't really gone away.
00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:47.734
Spoiler, adulthood is just the upgraded version of the same unpaid gig.
00:00:47.734 --> 00:00:55.225
All right, let's set the scene.
00:00:55.225 --> 00:00:56.707
It's 1994.
00:00:56.707 --> 00:01:01.685
I'm 15, maybe 16, depending on the month Grade 10 sliding into grade 11.
00:01:02.267 --> 00:01:06.316
My life goals were wildly ambitious and weirdly specific.
00:01:06.316 --> 00:01:13.653
I wanted to be a lawyer or a journalist or and this is real a part-time soap opera actress.
00:01:13.653 --> 00:01:15.701
Because why limit myself?
00:01:15.701 --> 00:01:23.352
My days were a mix of mall food court shifts, hanging with friends and peak teen angst.
00:01:23.352 --> 00:01:42.222
I had $3 in my pocket at any given time, which meant the big question of the day was McDonald's Trio or a panty candy haul, my favorite movie, the Crow, my crush Shannon Hoon from Blind Melon, and my overall vibe hated everything.
00:01:43.424 --> 00:01:45.489
So now if you were the oldest sibling.
00:01:45.489 --> 00:01:47.813
Like me, you already know the setup.
00:01:47.813 --> 00:01:58.173
You weren't just living your own life, you were basically middle management for your family, babysitter on call, responsible for everything your younger siblings did or didn't do.
00:01:58.173 --> 00:02:02.727
And that brings us to the infamous snitching incident of 94.
00:02:02.727 --> 00:02:05.272
So here's how it went down.
00:02:05.272 --> 00:02:06.453
Something happened.
00:02:06.453 --> 00:02:09.145
Honestly, I don't even remember exactly what the crime was.
00:02:09.145 --> 00:02:10.569
That's not the point.
00:02:10.569 --> 00:02:15.548
The point is that my brother did the thing and I got blamed for not stopping it.
00:02:15.548 --> 00:02:18.433
Classic oldest sibling math.
00:02:18.433 --> 00:02:23.027
Their actions plus my responsibility equals my punishment.
00:02:23.027 --> 00:02:24.951
Suddenly, I was the snitch.
00:02:24.951 --> 00:02:26.373
I was the bad guy.
00:02:26.373 --> 00:02:28.323
He got the slap on the wrist.
00:02:28.323 --> 00:02:31.329
I got the reputation of snitch tattler.
00:02:31.329 --> 00:02:37.546
Now let's talk about snitching itself, because in 94, snitching was low-tech.
00:02:37.546 --> 00:02:44.689
It was whispering to mom in the kitchen, it was maybe writing a dramatic note and sliding it under a door.
00:02:44.689 --> 00:02:53.102
It was the dreaded mom he's touching me shouted across the living room.
00:02:53.102 --> 00:02:54.084
Compare that to now.
00:02:54.104 --> 00:02:54.985
Snitching has evolved.
00:02:54.985 --> 00:03:02.294
Today it's screenshots, group texts, ring doorbell footage, TikTok timestamps.
00:03:02.294 --> 00:03:08.521
The evidence isn't just verbal, it's permanent.
00:03:08.521 --> 00:03:09.504
Kids today don't have to argue over who did what.
00:03:09.504 --> 00:03:10.608
They just pull out receipts.
00:03:10.608 --> 00:03:15.901
Back then at least you had plausible deniability.
00:03:15.901 --> 00:03:21.872
Today, the cloud never forgets, but the heart of it is the same.
00:03:22.733 --> 00:03:26.149
Oldest siblings are expected to be responsible for everyone else.
00:03:26.149 --> 00:03:31.967
We were the unpaid hall monitors of the 90s and, honestly, we still are.
00:03:31.967 --> 00:03:39.490
Only now it shows up in adulthood Work projects, parenting, family drama.
00:03:39.490 --> 00:03:51.405
We're still the ones carrying the weight, making the lists, doing the invisible labor, and somehow we're still the ones who get called bossy when we speak up about it.
00:03:51.405 --> 00:03:59.692
Okay, so let's rant for a minute about what being the oldest really meant, Because being the oldest was basically being an invisible middle manager.
00:04:00.921 --> 00:04:04.191
You had the responsibility, but none of the actual power.
00:04:04.191 --> 00:04:09.451
You were told to watch your siblings, but if they acted up, it was your fault.
00:04:09.451 --> 00:04:12.127
If you told on them, you were a snitch.
00:04:12.127 --> 00:04:14.587
If you didn't tell, you were complicit.
00:04:14.587 --> 00:04:17.026
You literally could not win.
00:04:17.026 --> 00:04:26.291
It's like when parents left the house and said, okay, you're in charge, but being in charge came with exactly zero authority.
00:04:26.291 --> 00:04:35.528
Your siblings didn't respect you, they didn't listen, and the second you tried to actually enforce anything, they ran tattling the mom and dad.
00:04:35.528 --> 00:04:37.273
She's bossing me around.
00:04:37.273 --> 00:04:40.942
Adulthood is basically the same gig.
00:04:40.942 --> 00:04:48.588
Oldest kids became adults who manage projects, households, group chats and family logistics.
00:04:48.588 --> 00:04:55.348
We're still the ones scheduling doctor appointments, remembering birthdays, planning the vacations.
00:04:55.348 --> 00:04:57.600
We're doing the invisible labor.
00:04:57.600 --> 00:04:58.504
And you know what?
00:04:58.504 --> 00:05:00.802
We're still not thanked for it.
00:05:00.802 --> 00:05:06.117
We're still the snitches, the nags, the ones accused of being too much.
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:13.896
So yeah, the snitching incident of 94 wasn't just one day, it was the training ground for a whole identity.
00:05:13.896 --> 00:05:17.019
Here's where I love comparing then versus now.
00:05:17.019 --> 00:05:30.586
In the 90s, family evidence was physical Family photo albums with blurry shots, awkward poses and the infamous plastic sticky pages that smelled like glue.
00:05:30.586 --> 00:05:36.105
Parents proudly kept your worst moments, crying, sneezing, mid-blink.
00:05:36.105 --> 00:05:37.187
Like trophies.
00:05:37.187 --> 00:05:40.163
Those albums were the receipts.
00:05:40.163 --> 00:05:43.584
They told the story, whether you liked it or not.
00:05:43.584 --> 00:05:48.487
They were exhibit A in the ongoing trial of who was the favorite child.
00:05:48.487 --> 00:05:55.384
Today, the evidence is digital Screenshots, cloud backups.
00:05:55.384 --> 00:05:59.125
You don't need to flip through a photo album to find dirt.
00:05:59.125 --> 00:06:06.158
It's all archived, searchable and immortalized on someone's phone and snitching itself.
00:06:06.158 --> 00:06:09.105
Same energy, different tools.
00:06:09.105 --> 00:06:13.798
In 94, the snitching incident vanished, unless someone remembered it.
00:06:13.798 --> 00:06:16.083
Today there are receipts forever.
00:06:16.845 --> 00:06:18.815
It's not the he said, she said it's.
00:06:18.815 --> 00:06:20.120
Here's the video.
00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:30.307
But the dynamics still the same Someone messes up, the oldest gets blamed and the evidence is weaponized against them.
00:06:30.307 --> 00:06:33.603
Past and present aren't so different.
00:06:33.603 --> 00:06:36.141
After all, We've just upgraded the technology.
00:06:37.235 --> 00:06:39.822
Ok, so let's lighten this up with some overrated.
00:06:39.822 --> 00:06:47.757
Underrated sibling life edition Overrated, being the responsible one.
00:06:47.757 --> 00:06:52.565
Underrated, secretly rebelling in small ways that only you knew about.
00:06:52.565 --> 00:07:05.416
Overrated family trust exercises like leaving the oldest in charge Underrated, when your sibling actually had your back for once and didn't rat you out.
00:07:05.416 --> 00:07:08.021
Overrated.
00:07:08.021 --> 00:07:13.295
Family game night where the same sibling cried every time they lost.
00:07:15.057 --> 00:07:15.579
Underrated.
00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:21.545
Staying up late, way past bedtime, feeling like you've pulled off the great heist.
00:07:21.545 --> 00:07:29.079
Here's your retro therapy tip Agree on feelings, not facts.
00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:35.497
If your sibling's memory doesn't match yours, stop trying to convince them.
00:07:35.497 --> 00:07:35.939
You're right.
00:07:36.980 --> 00:07:54.822
This one hits personally because one of the things I've noticed in myself is this deep desire to be like, truly heard, and I can trace it all the way back to childhood not feeling acknowledged, not having my side of the story count, so I'd overcompensate.
00:07:54.822 --> 00:08:00.524
I beat the dead horse of a conversation, desperate to hear those magic words.
00:08:00.524 --> 00:08:05.485
I hear you, I understand you, but here's the truth.
00:08:05.485 --> 00:08:10.704
I've learned that kind of validation might never come, and it doesn't have to.
00:08:10.704 --> 00:08:16.581
I don't need someone else to stamp my memories with approval in order to live with my truth.
00:08:16.581 --> 00:08:22.422
I'm allowed to feel what I feel, regardless of whether anyone else agrees with it.
00:08:22.422 --> 00:08:23.975
That's their problem, not mine.
00:08:23.975 --> 00:08:36.323
So, instead of arguing over what really happened, shift to how we both felt, Because your memories don't have to match to matter.
00:08:37.947 --> 00:08:42.379
Here's the big takeaway being the oldest sibling was a trap.
00:08:42.379 --> 00:08:47.158
We carried the responsibility, took the blame and got none of the credit.
00:08:47.158 --> 00:08:48.501
And guess what?
00:08:48.501 --> 00:08:51.596
A lot of us are still living out those dynamics as adults.
00:08:51.596 --> 00:08:56.408
But here's the good news we get to rewrite the story.
00:08:56.408 --> 00:09:02.543
We don't need to be heard or validated by anyone else in order for our experiences to matter.
00:09:02.543 --> 00:09:09.626
If you want Josh's adorable but wrong version of this story, go check out the Full Brother Sister.
00:09:09.626 --> 00:09:16.748
Whatever episode, Until next time, keep your memories, even if your sibling swears you're remembering them wrong.
00:00:00.401 --> 00:00:22.469
00:00:22.469 --> 00:00:29.742
00:00:29.742 --> 00:00:32.368
00:00:32.368 --> 00:00:41.560
00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:47.734
00:00:47.734 --> 00:00:55.225
00:00:55.225 --> 00:00:56.707
00:00:56.707 --> 00:01:01.685
00:01:02.267 --> 00:01:06.316
00:01:06.316 --> 00:01:13.653
00:01:13.653 --> 00:01:15.701
00:01:15.701 --> 00:01:23.352
00:01:23.352 --> 00:01:42.222
00:01:43.424 --> 00:01:45.489
00:01:45.489 --> 00:01:47.813
00:01:47.813 --> 00:01:58.173
00:01:58.173 --> 00:02:02.727
00:02:02.727 --> 00:02:05.272
00:02:05.272 --> 00:02:06.453
00:02:06.453 --> 00:02:09.145
00:02:09.145 --> 00:02:10.569
00:02:10.569 --> 00:02:15.548
00:02:15.548 --> 00:02:18.433
00:02:18.433 --> 00:02:23.027
00:02:23.027 --> 00:02:24.951
00:02:24.951 --> 00:02:26.373
00:02:26.373 --> 00:02:28.323
00:02:28.323 --> 00:02:31.329
00:02:31.329 --> 00:02:37.546
00:02:37.546 --> 00:02:44.689
00:02:44.689 --> 00:02:53.102
00:02:53.102 --> 00:02:54.084
00:02:54.104 --> 00:02:54.985
00:02:54.985 --> 00:03:02.294
00:03:02.294 --> 00:03:08.521
00:03:08.521 --> 00:03:09.504
00:03:09.504 --> 00:03:10.608
00:03:10.608 --> 00:03:15.901
00:03:15.901 --> 00:03:21.872
00:03:22.733 --> 00:03:26.149
00:03:26.149 --> 00:03:31.967
00:03:31.967 --> 00:03:39.490
00:03:39.490 --> 00:03:51.405
00:03:51.405 --> 00:03:59.692
00:04:00.921 --> 00:04:04.191
00:04:04.191 --> 00:04:09.451
00:04:09.451 --> 00:04:12.127
00:04:12.127 --> 00:04:14.587
00:04:14.587 --> 00:04:17.026
00:04:17.026 --> 00:04:26.291
00:04:26.291 --> 00:04:35.528
00:04:35.528 --> 00:04:37.273
00:04:37.273 --> 00:04:40.942
00:04:40.942 --> 00:04:48.588
00:04:48.588 --> 00:04:55.348
00:04:55.348 --> 00:04:57.600
00:04:57.600 --> 00:04:58.504
00:04:58.504 --> 00:05:00.802
00:05:00.802 --> 00:05:06.117
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:13.896
00:05:13.896 --> 00:05:17.019
00:05:17.019 --> 00:05:30.586
00:05:30.586 --> 00:05:36.105
00:05:36.105 --> 00:05:37.187
00:05:37.187 --> 00:05:40.163
00:05:40.163 --> 00:05:43.584
00:05:43.584 --> 00:05:48.487
00:05:48.487 --> 00:05:55.384
00:05:55.384 --> 00:05:59.125
00:05:59.125 --> 00:06:06.158
00:06:06.158 --> 00:06:09.105
00:06:09.105 --> 00:06:13.798
00:06:13.798 --> 00:06:16.083
00:06:16.845 --> 00:06:18.815
00:06:18.815 --> 00:06:20.120
00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:30.307
00:06:30.307 --> 00:06:33.603
00:06:33.603 --> 00:06:36.141
00:06:37.235 --> 00:06:39.822
00:06:39.822 --> 00:06:47.757
00:06:47.757 --> 00:06:52.565
00:06:52.565 --> 00:07:05.416
00:07:05.416 --> 00:07:08.021
00:07:08.021 --> 00:07:13.295
00:07:15.057 --> 00:07:15.579
00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:21.545
00:07:21.545 --> 00:07:29.079
00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:35.497
00:07:35.497 --> 00:07:35.939
00:07:36.980 --> 00:07:54.822
00:07:54.822 --> 00:08:00.524
00:08:00.524 --> 00:08:05.485
00:08:05.485 --> 00:08:10.704
00:08:10.704 --> 00:08:16.581
00:08:16.581 --> 00:08:22.422
00:08:22.422 --> 00:08:23.975
00:08:23.975 --> 00:08:36.323
00:08:37.947 --> 00:08:42.379
00:08:42.379 --> 00:08:47.158
00:08:47.158 --> 00:08:48.501
00:08:48.501 --> 00:08:51.596
00:08:51.596 --> 00:08:56.408
00:08:56.408 --> 00:09:02.543
00:09:02.543 --> 00:09:09.626
00:09:09.626 --> 00:09:16.748
