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Welcome back to Brother, Sister.
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Whatever, I'm Lisa and I'm Josh, and this is the podcast where we talk about family life and all of the random things that come with it, Some of it deep, some of it funny, but all of it's real.
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Today we're diving into a big one Technology, social media versus family life.
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Is social media bringing us closer together or is it just making us more distracted?
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First, we've got our weekly what if?
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question what if you could magically give your kids one piece of wisdom they'll carry with them forever?
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What would you choose and why this is a good one?
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yeah, me or you.
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You can start if you have one I think I would give two different pieces of advice why like to each kid?
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You mean like one for each kid yeah, and I think I would do that just because, like you, know they're well, gender, sure, but like they're different.
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So it's like I can kind of see the paths already, you know.
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Yeah, so it's like I would kind of see the paths, already.
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You know yeah, so it's like I would kind of give.
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I will allow this.
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So I would say for Jet, my son, if I could give him one piece of wisdom.
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There's so many, there's so many things they need to know.
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You know yeah.
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For him it would probably be like real, real simple.
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You know, do what you love, do something that you love, really stick to the niche or the thing that that you just really enjoy and, and you know, thrive with that.
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Make a business out of it.
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Like you know, like, build that he doesn't need to think about falling into the standard norm of, like okay, got to go to university and I got to, you know, I got to become this or I got to, it's got to be meaningful.
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Or you know, I want him to know that, like he has that entrepreneurial spirit and so like I need him to focus on the thing that's going to bring him the most joy.
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For Jet, that's it.
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And then Fallon.
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I think Fallon is going to kind of go into that mold.
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I just have a feeling.
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So, even though you know the advice is still sound, you can do what you love, right?
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I mean, we try to always.
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I think for her it's going to be something along the lines of just, you know, watch your back.
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You know, I think it would have to do with trust.
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You know, like it would be like keep your friends close and your enemies closer, kind of thing.
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You know, like she's just so sensitive.
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You know which I love about her.
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I'm happy that she's like that, that way that she she is like that.
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But I would say that, you know, don't be like me in the sense of I do good in the world, shouldn't you know?
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Shouldn't people be nice to me, you know, or I'm nice to this person, why isn't this person nice to me?
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I don't get that, you know like.
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So I think she needs to understand that the world doesn't work like that.
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So that would be my piece of advice that the world doesn't work like this.
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Be nice, be kind, expect nothing and just be careful who you trust.
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Those are very good.
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I would have one piece of advice for all three of my kids which would be trust your gut.
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There's a voice there, for a reason.
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That's good.
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And it will never stir you wrong.
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It's true, this is very true.
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I feel like the only times that I've really gotten into trouble right is when I don't listen to that voice.
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So listen to that voice, trust your gut.
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Very good.
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Yeah, I think that that would be mine.
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That's a good one.
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Yeah, they're all great pieces of advice.
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Yeah, for sure.
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Yeah, but it's true, you know your gut never steers you wrong.
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It's true, you know your gut never steers you wrong.
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Yeah, it's true Main topic.
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Mm-hmm.
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Technology today, family dynamics, social media.
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But before we get into all of that, let's start with a little mini fun quiz, so to speak.
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Oh, who do you, who in your family do you think is the most tech savvy?
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to date like I, I think, I think me okay.
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So for me it's definitely going to be james over me.
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Absolutely, it knows a heck of a lot more.
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I'm still trying to figure out the playstation buttons.
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I honestly I feel like the kids these days just come out like literally come out of the womb, knowing how to operate an iPad.
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It's unbelievable.
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How about this?
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I'm going to say, out of my immediate family, I am the least tech savvy.
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And yeah, you're absolutely right.
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I mean, the kids give it another, you know, five years or something, and I'm scared.
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They're going to be, you know.
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Outwitting us all.
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Yes.
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Absolutely no.
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But listen, dad now is into.
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Chat GPT.
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Yeah, I already know.
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Okay.
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He's like I got the this chat, gpt told me this and I'm just like what are you doing?
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How has it changed, even in the last 10 years since we've started, since we've got married and had kids?
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essentially, I mean there's no more peace but.
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But I mean like for the kids there's no more peace.
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I haven't necessarily experienced it yet because obviously my kids are still young.
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Okay.
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But, like you know, you hear about these scenarios where it's like you know, the kids used to be able to come home and it was like it was off.
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You mean like bullying, cyber bullying, that kind of thing.
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Yeah, now it's like, whether you're at school, whether you're home, whether you're on vacation, it's like still happening.
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It's just always there, it's an issue.
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So I definitely think that that's relatively new.
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You know what I mean?
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Well, yeah, Like you can't escape it.
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That scares me Because to a degree, most everyone can say that at some point in their lives, especially as kids, we're bullied In some way, shape or form, to some degree Okay.
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And I'm, I'm one of them and at least when I came home I got to just like there was, like you said, there was that reprieve.
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You know it's like your, your safety net, like your security blanket.
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Yeah, you're safe.
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I don't know how to yeah like handle that?
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I, I don't know like the only way that you could avoid that is by taking away the thing that you fear, so to speak.
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Right, it's like not allowing phones or ipad time or all of that stuff, but like you know what, you know what I mean.
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Yeah, it's like.
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I mean specialists say we should be keeping our kids away from the screens for as long as possible.
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Yes, the specialist that was a little bit more extreme than I was listening to, which was like you know, for example, he would say like you know, my kids, they didn't touch a screen until they were 15, you know?
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Okay, but how?
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old are they now?
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But you know, my point is, you know, is that and if the kids are 15 now, what stage was technology at when they were kids?
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Right right.
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Certainly not the stage it's at now.
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So like let's compare oranges to oranges.
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Yeah, but I guess he's saying that, you saying that even if you have kids right now, those kids should not have screen time until at least they're into their teens, like 15, 16, etc.
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Which I feel is impossible.
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I do, I do too.
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I mean, I feel like that is absolutely impossible, as much as I like that statement.
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I like that statement, but show me how.
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It's because he talks about the brain.
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He talks about what it's doing to the brain, basically talking about how when they do the neuro scans on the brain, it looks like the brain is dying, you know, like cells that would spark normally are not sparking anymore, you know, and it's because of how like.
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And then this goes into his theory of depression and anxiety, and you know, you know.
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So it's interesting, it's interesting.
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Yeah, and terrifying all at once.
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Yeah, so, okay.
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So we went from like texting was a big thing, oh yeah, and do you remember when it used to be?
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Well, texting is taking over the phone calls, right, like nobody talks anymore, they only text.
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Yeah.
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But then FaceTime and video calling has come kind of had that resurgence.
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So that's nice.
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I feel like those are all great ways to keep in touch, right, covid?
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Do you know what we did for New Year's Eve?
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Instead of going over to a friend's house like we used to, we FaceTimed.
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We each had our own little snacks and champagne and the whole shebang, and we FaceTimed for the evening.
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Oh, my goodness.
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So think about it.
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Those are kind of nice options to have right.
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Yeah.
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To have a connection with somebody or with several people group chats and stuff like that that you wouldn't normally have.
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When does the line get crossed where it's almost like you're relying on those things and now you're not making the effort to go see somebody in person, right?
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You're not traveling to go see that person anymore because you well, we've got FaceTime or we've got this right.
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Yeah, yeah, I think, um, I think I've seen, not that, like you know, I'm, I'm looking, I can see the whole world or anything, but I don't know if it's just me personally or if I'm seeing it a little like Zoom and you know FaceTime and it's like, oh my gosh, this is great.
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But I feel like all of a sudden, people are like, you know, I miss connecting, I miss touch, I miss, you know, like there's it's almost like people are retracting a little bit.
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At least that's what I've felt, you know, a little bit For sure, there's definitely pros and felt you know a little bit For sure.
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There's definitely pros and cons, right Pros and cons to both the screen time at home, what's recommended versus what we allowed, I don't know, kind of like I know that I definitely struggle with that.
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It's definitely something that I do not have a handle on.
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Do you know what I mean With the kids a handle on, do you like?
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With the kids you mean yeah, with the kids same, but even with myself yeah, same, I don't really have a a good you know grasp on it, like I'll just kind of be like whatever I have some.
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I see some parents where they're so like boom, boom, boom.
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It's like the kids know and I'm like fuck, I'm like that's like really good, you know like that is very good, that's what I should do.
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You know, but also you know, sometimes I wonder if it's just a front, because I'm there, I'm just saying you know.
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I'm just saying you know, it's something I think about look at it even from your own perspective.
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How many times do you sit down to watch a TV show and you're also on your phone?
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I'll say the one, for sure it's like you can't concentrate on one thing, even if it's a fun thing.
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You know what?
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I agree, and I'm definitely not going to bullshit and say I don't do those things I do.
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But you know what I've noticed changed a lot, but I go to bed around eight.
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I noticed that because of that I'm doing a lot less screen time.
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Now let me explain though, because I know obviously I'm sleeping.
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but but what I the drug okay, where I would usually get it at eight to nine, nine to ten, ten to eleven, I feel like, because I've starved the drug, because I'm just I'm sleeping, it's almost like during the day I've noticed and it's actually only right now that we're talking about it I almost feel like I notice like there's a little bit more of a disconnect for me with the phone now.
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I feel like I notice like there's a little bit more of a disconnect for me with the phone now and I'm like, huh, and I'm like and the only thing I could possibly think to relate it to- Would be that change.
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Would be the change that I have four or five hours every day now, consistently, where I'm not on the phone because I'm I'm in bed, but but normally before I would do that, I would, of course, be in bed or I would be, you know, on my phone or looking, scrolling, you know, for an hour or this or that or whatever, and so that is a cumulative right.
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So I think it's definitely helped, you know, and um, and I wonder if it goes deeper than that, maybe that affects how my mood has been, maybe that affects how you know, because I'm doing a lot of self, you know like I'm working out, I'm doing.
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So, you know, there's a lot of things that could be factoring into how I feel that any addiction, whether it's good or bad, I think if you are starving it a little bit, I think you will automatically feel a little bit better.
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Yeah, I just realized that this is something I do on purpose.
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I watch TV on my phone, and the reason why I do that is because I can't scroll, so I watch like Netflix on my phone.
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I wonder if that's why I do it.
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And then that way you know like.
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Subconscious thought.
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That way I can't do anything right.
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No, that's true, but if you're watching it on TV and you have your phone, well then, you're going to like scroll through stuff.
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It's almost like you have to have, like you have to have your hands busy with something it's habit, I don't know.
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It's habit, and this is what I mean when you.
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I challenge you to do an experiment and to figure out a time, a time when you would normally be on your phone.
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Hands down as soon as I wake up.
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Okay.
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So I want you to try to do the same thing when you wake up for an hour try even just one hour where you're not going to check that phone.
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You're not going to do anything.
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And I'm telling you, if you get that consistently going and then you start adding a bit more time, see what it does to you.
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You know, either you're going to want to kill me or you're going to notice something.
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No, you know what Challenge accepted.
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I'm going to try that because I find that that's.
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There's scientific proof, Josh, that that kind of thing fucks with your brain in many ways.
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Do you ever get and you know I'm not judging, judging anyone, including on my side okay, okay.
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So if you're listening, relax, okay.
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But do you ever get the the scenario where it's like person's on the phone and like you walk in you're like hey, how's it going?
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It's like hey, like maybe they'll give you the eye contact, but then it's like right back to the phone.
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That kind of you know it.
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Just it bothers me a little bit and it's that obsession.
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So like I come in and the kids, you know, are like on their iPad and, like you know, they lift their eyes, you know, to, oh, hey, daddy, you know like they're happy, but then it's like right back to the iPad and like I don't know, for me it's like, eh, you know if it was homework or okay, but it's like you know, is it that important?
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Like you can't just put down your, your phone for five seconds.
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I I'm guilty of that for sure.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And and don't get me wrong, I bet you, as I'm saying it, there's probably little flashbacks happening in my head where I probably do it.
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You know what I mean?
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No, of course.
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Like I mean, james and I have had conversations where we're both on our phone and we're talking to each other at the same time.
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Yeah.
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Like yeah, yeah.
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You know, it's just, it's completely taken over.
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Yeah.
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And I.
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I agree.
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I truly believe in the art of looking somebody in the eye is dying oh yeah when looking somebody in the eye while speaking yeah is dying, it is is absolutely dying.
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Yeah, what is this tech?
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free family time well, we you know what, I can't even say that with a straight face have Friday family fun day.
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We might sit down and watch a movie, and I make sure that the kids don't have the iPads, but I'm still there with my fucking phone.
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I mean, come on, I'm just as bad.
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We don't even really have a non For it to be a non-tech moment.
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It would be something like we're at ISO or we're at Cineplex.
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I agree that's the only way that it will be complete.
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But if it has something to do with being at home, chances are there's going to be some tech somewhere, and I embrace it in many ways.
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I just feel like there's a difference from being obsessed and using it as a tool.
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I have two points.
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The first point was going to be it feels like it could be obsession, but I actually don't think that's the right word.
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I feel like it's a mindless activity.
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It's a mindless habit that sometimes you don't even know you're doing it.
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Obsession feels intentional, almost.
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Do you know what I mean?
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So then that would sound like addiction.
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Yeah.
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Yes, yeah, exactly Like a mindless, like it's an addiction.
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Yeah Well, you're an addict.
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Absolutely yes, oh, for sure.
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Same.
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I mean.
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I don't know how many people are not addicts in that category.
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Yeah, there you go Right.
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Second point Second point is one of the things that I've tried.
00:19:14.471 --> 00:19:22.737
You're going to laugh at me when I say this is leaving my phone out of distance to me.
00:19:23.038 --> 00:19:23.617
That's not crazy.
00:19:23.619 --> 00:19:24.702
So if I'm sitting on the sofa.
00:19:24.702 --> 00:19:29.948
I'm leaving my phone like 10 feet away, right, so that I can focus on whatever.
00:19:29.948 --> 00:19:39.330
So I'm being intentional about it Okay, partly because I'm too lazy to get up and go walk for it.
00:19:39.612 --> 00:19:45.469
It's hard, what's the first thing that you check, like, what's the first thing that you look at when you look at?
00:19:45.528 --> 00:19:47.232
What do you think it's social media?
00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:50.064
So like Facebook and stuff.
00:19:50.786 --> 00:19:50.945
Yeah.
00:19:50.945 --> 00:19:55.244
Like scrolling, yes, scrolling, aimless scrolling, and for me it's Insta.
00:19:55.244 --> 00:20:00.205
That's my fucking cocaine.
00:20:00.626 --> 00:20:03.251
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
00:20:04.053 --> 00:20:06.603
I will literally have just checked it to death.
00:20:07.244 --> 00:20:07.505
Yeah.
00:20:07.665 --> 00:20:09.269
And then I'll go back and check it again.
00:20:09.609 --> 00:20:12.080
Yeah, yeah, you see, I'm telling you.
00:20:12.080 --> 00:20:28.717
I used to be just the same and, believe it or not, I'm not very much like that anymore and I'm convinced it's because I'm getting four or five hours of no phone time where normally I would be.