May 28, 2025

No Chill #18: We Tried to Heal. Now We’re Tired.

Ever wondered if all this self-improvement stuff is actually making us better—or just making us obsessed? Josh and Lisa dive headfirst into the complicated world of modern self-help, questioning when personal growth becomes a personality trait and why we're all suddenly desperate to fix ourselves.

The siblings share candid stories about their own journeys, from Josh's realization that gaming had become a void-filling addiction rather than a healthy hobby, to Lisa's experience with misleading self-help messaging that actually prevented her progress. They tackle the important distinction between aspects of ourselves that genuinely need improvement versus accepting certain personality traits as they are.

You'll laugh as they debate extreme wellness scenarios in their "This or That" segment (Would you rather wake up at 4am daily or drink celery juice for every meal?), but you'll also find genuine wisdom about finding balance in your personal development journey. Josh shares his experiences with journaling, while Lisa reveals how she's learning to embrace tools like therapy and mindfulness practices.

Perhaps most valuably, they explore what happens when partners grow at different rates, with Josh offering a beautiful metaphor about relationships as waves where sometimes one person leads while the other catches up. "You never have to be right there with someone," he observes, "but I don't think you can get too far ahead."

Whether you're a self-help skeptic or a personal development junkie, this episode offers refreshing perspective on finding authentic growth without falling into the traps of toxic positivity or wellness obsession. Subscribe now and join us on the journey where real talk meets zero chill!

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New episodes every other Thursday.

Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.


00:28 - Welcome to Brother, Sister, Whatever

00:46 - Why Is Everyone Trying to Fix Themselves?

06:36 - The Weekly "What If" Scenario

13:56 - The Self-Help Starter Pack

22:08 - When Advice Becomes Harmful

23:51 - This or That: Self-Help Edition

28:32 - When Partners Grow at Different Rates

WEBVTT

00:00:00.261 --> 00:00:02.024
Hi everyone, welcome to Brother, sister.

00:00:02.024 --> 00:00:04.830
Whatever where real talk meets zero chill.

00:00:04.830 --> 00:00:05.610
I'm Lisa.

00:00:06.432 --> 00:00:06.974
And I'm Josh.

00:00:08.381 --> 00:00:11.109
And today we're going to talk about self-help.

00:00:12.041 --> 00:00:13.005
Self-help, oh boy.

00:00:13.025 --> 00:00:13.688
Self-help.

00:00:13.980 --> 00:00:14.967
How we fixed ourselves.

00:00:15.140 --> 00:00:18.643
How we fixed ourselves or are still trying to.

00:00:18.643 --> 00:00:26.410
Okay, why is everyone always trying to fix themselves?

00:00:26.940 --> 00:00:31.192
I think, because people are finally realizing that they're the problem.

00:00:32.621 --> 00:00:33.466
Is that what that is?

00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:35.682
I think so, I think so.

00:00:35.682 --> 00:00:42.335
I think we're so used to blaming everyone else we're finally realizing that we might have to look at the common denominator.

00:00:43.140 --> 00:00:46.029
Yes, common denominator Right, it's true.

00:00:46.029 --> 00:00:47.051
It's true.

00:00:47.051 --> 00:00:50.209
Do you think it's become like its own personality type?

00:00:53.886 --> 00:00:54.588
Like in what way?

00:00:54.588 --> 00:01:00.137
Well, I know that there's people who are Like self-helping, yeah, yeah.

00:01:00.156 --> 00:01:05.469
Yeah, you know what I mean it's like oh, I'm walking, oh I'm reading a book, oh, I'm self-helping.

00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:09.147
Yeah, well, I know that there are addicts.

00:01:10.049 --> 00:01:11.233
Self-help addicts yeah.

00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:19.471
And, like you know, it's like they're so self-helping that they're like selfish.

00:01:21.334 --> 00:01:21.655
Okay.

00:01:21.655 --> 00:01:24.340
Deep dive into that one, what do you know?

00:01:24.340 --> 00:01:24.742
Dive into that one?

00:01:24.742 --> 00:01:24.843
What?

00:01:24.862 --> 00:01:46.659
would you mean, for example, one, one person where it's like everything was always about like him getting better and this and that, okay, but also like there was, there was, you know it was, it was all for like a purpose of like what he could get, versus like from you, so to speak, like there was no giving in in that kind of like from you, so to speak, like there was no giving in that kind of like.

00:01:46.659 --> 00:02:20.432
Like you know, like self-help is, yes, you're trying to understand yourself and this and that, but like his self-help was like understanding himself, but then, like you know, having to do this for himself and he has to have this and you know, because this is, you know, his vibe now, okay, and you know, because this is you, know his vibe now okay, and, and you know like it was just very you felt it was like it's more like um selfish, like more of a taking more of a taking maybe using it yeah to your advantage yeah, exactly, and.

00:02:20.552 --> 00:02:29.614
And so you know, there, I think there's such a thing as a little overboard, you know a little too much self-help.

00:02:31.242 --> 00:02:35.092
Well, I've asked myself sometimes like am I just finding things to fix?

00:02:35.092 --> 00:02:38.808
Because one thing I've learned is that I'm a fixer.

00:02:38.808 --> 00:02:49.861
Definitely know that about myself, definitely know that about myself.

00:02:49.861 --> 00:02:50.522
So does that also like I've?

00:02:50.522 --> 00:02:52.667
I've stopped and actually asked myself am I being a fixer on myself now?

00:02:54.210 --> 00:02:55.792
But that's normal right.

00:02:55.792 --> 00:03:06.292
Like that's, that's what you do, right, like you, you, you help yourself, you fix yourself and you're always looking for, but that's the asterisk.

00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:15.391
You're always looking like, what if you're making more out of something?

00:03:15.391 --> 00:03:15.996
Do you know what I mean?

00:03:17.180 --> 00:03:18.419
Yeah, I get it, but that's up to you.

00:03:18.539 --> 00:03:27.294
What requires help and working on something versus this is simply a part of my personality.

00:03:27.942 --> 00:03:32.180
Well, I think I think what it comes down to is how you feel about said situation.

00:03:32.180 --> 00:03:41.604
You know, so if you're always feeling like shit or other people around you are feeling like shit, it's about like okay, is it them or me?

00:03:41.604 --> 00:03:44.669
And and then you know, figure that.

00:03:44.669 --> 00:03:49.423
So that's, that's important, I think yeah, no like.

00:03:49.864 --> 00:04:02.810
I've had a lot of those moments where you ask yourself that well, I'm where I'm asking myself like, okay, this person is not feeling good, you know, and I'm not feeling good.

00:04:02.810 --> 00:04:08.997
Is it me or is it us, or is it them?

00:04:08.997 --> 00:04:16.713
And trying to, you know, figure that out and weed through it kind of thing, you know.

00:04:16.713 --> 00:04:24.607
So I think that when you have those epiphanies, yeah, you have to, but I'm not going to be like I can.

00:04:24.607 --> 00:04:42.853
Like I'm trying to think of a good example, like, for example, I knew I had to work on myself when it came to my gaming, and it wasn't because I had people bitching at me, it was because I started feeling depressed.

00:04:43.538 --> 00:04:44.906
I started feeling.

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And don't get me wrong, there's maybe some other people out there where they feel the opposite.

00:04:48.665 --> 00:04:57.452
And that's okay, you know, because I did feel the opposite, but it was more of filling a void than it was actually helping myself, you know.

00:04:57.452 --> 00:05:09.307
So it's those kind of things where you have to decipher and and figure out are you just kind of filling the void or are you actually like self-helping?

00:05:09.307 --> 00:05:13.879
Right yep, because gaming could be, could be, self-helping.

00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:17.887
I need a break, I need to you know I need to let loose.

00:05:18.129 --> 00:05:19.732
I, I can't just always be on.

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I have to have my time.

00:05:21.321 --> 00:05:23.584
I have to do things for myself, right, right.

00:05:23.603 --> 00:05:23.925
Like a hobby.

00:05:24.165 --> 00:05:29.512
Like a hobby, right, but there's a difference from that, and then it going to another place.

00:05:29.552 --> 00:05:30.774
Well, absolutely.

00:05:30.774 --> 00:05:34.706
So yeah, you could say that about pretty much everything.

00:05:35.007 --> 00:05:35.569
Yeah, true.

00:05:36.851 --> 00:05:38.964
Yeah, you could say that about pretty much everything.

00:05:38.964 --> 00:05:43.350
Okay, let's pause here and let's do weekly.

00:05:43.350 --> 00:05:43.512
What if?

00:05:43.531 --> 00:05:44.637
Yeah, okay, let, okay, let's pause here and let's do weekly.

00:05:44.637 --> 00:05:44.817
What if?

00:05:44.817 --> 00:05:45.160
Yeah, let's do it.

00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:53.973
What if you had to live one full week following the most extreme self-help advice out there?

00:05:53.973 --> 00:06:03.372
Wake up at 4.30 am, cold plunge gratitude journal no caffeine, no phone.

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Eat raw kale.

00:06:04.975 --> 00:06:05.704
No caffeine, no phone, eat raw kale.

00:06:05.704 --> 00:06:07.855
10,000 steps before 9am.

00:06:07.855 --> 00:06:09.947
How fast would you break?

00:06:09.947 --> 00:06:16.041
Would you be able to pull it off One?

00:06:16.081 --> 00:06:16.281
week.

00:06:16.281 --> 00:06:19.250
I don't think I'd be able to pull it off for one week.

00:06:19.250 --> 00:06:26.547
I think I could pull it off for a week, but I'd be miserable doing it, do you?

00:06:26.567 --> 00:06:27.108
know what I mean.

00:06:27.108 --> 00:06:27.250
Yeah.

00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:30.086
And I don't think that's the point of it.

00:06:30.466 --> 00:06:32.351
No, it's not Of any of that, do you know?

00:06:32.351 --> 00:06:38.646
And so like, when you're trying to be better person, eat better.

00:06:38.646 --> 00:06:47.574
Whatever it is that you're trying to better, it has to come from a place of like, actual want.

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Otherwise, what the fuck are you doing it for?

00:06:50.221 --> 00:06:53.827
You're just going to make things worse, in my opinion.

00:06:53.827 --> 00:06:59.701
I'm no scientist, I'm no therapist, I'm no like, none of that shit.

00:06:59.701 --> 00:07:22.336
But one thing I know is, if I say to myself I need to eat healthier which I know I do and I cut out all the sugar and all of the bad drinks and no caffeine and all of this, I'm just like from, just like that boom, I'm just making it more painful.

00:07:22.718 --> 00:07:23.077
For sure.

00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:28.391
Now, if you were to ease into it and maybe just like, that's a different story.

00:07:28.572 --> 00:07:30.887
Yeah, I mean, everything should be in moderation anyways.

00:07:30.887 --> 00:07:37.982
I used to be that person where it's like you're having a donut, oh shit, you know.

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It's like you know what's in that, you know how bad it is for you, you know like all that crap.

00:07:44.970 --> 00:07:48.968
Now it's like you know I don't care if I have a donut.

00:07:49.048 --> 00:07:49.891
You never answered.

00:07:50.512 --> 00:07:53.045
Oh yeah, I would do that.

00:07:53.045 --> 00:07:54.543
I wouldn't have a problem with that.

00:07:55.608 --> 00:07:55.988
Of course.

00:07:56.639 --> 00:07:59.487
Well, I mean because I'm technically doing three quarters of it.

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Okay, okay, a quarter, I'm doing a quarter of it.

00:08:04.529 --> 00:08:05.237
Do you see my face?

00:08:05.237 --> 00:08:06.428
People Look at this.

00:08:07.230 --> 00:08:09.576
I mean I'm up at four, okay.

00:08:09.576 --> 00:08:12.983
The cold plunge I mean I do take cold showers once in a while.

00:08:12.983 --> 00:08:16.358
The gratitude journal I do that almost every day.

00:08:16.358 --> 00:08:17.540
Oh, fuck off.

00:08:19.091 --> 00:08:24.382
You're like the person on Instagram that I try to escape from.

00:08:25.430 --> 00:08:34.032
Okay, I don't go around being like I eat kale, I'm just saying these are some of the things I do, the ones I don't do.

00:08:34.032 --> 00:08:38.363
No caffeine I pretty much have coffee every day, at least one cup.

00:08:38.363 --> 00:08:41.820
No phone yeah, that definitely impossible.

00:08:41.820 --> 00:08:44.879
Eat raw kale I mean I haven't done that.

00:08:44.879 --> 00:08:46.764
10,000 steps I do, but not before 9 am.

00:08:46.764 --> 00:08:48.557
Eat raw kale I mean I haven't done that 10,000 steps I do, but not before 9am.

00:08:49.839 --> 00:08:52.701
So Okay, you're redeeming yourself a little.

00:08:52.701 --> 00:08:56.625
But, you think you'd be, you'd be okay.

00:08:56.625 --> 00:08:58.152
Actually, you know what?

00:08:58.152 --> 00:08:59.335
I could see you doing it Like.

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I mean, like I've mentioned before, I think you just you have this thing, you have a vision, this is what you want you go for it.

00:09:06.537 --> 00:09:13.787
I admire that about you, but fucking pain in my ass sometimes, you know.

00:09:22.071 --> 00:09:26.549
Anyway, okay, oh, if you could make a fake guru name for yourself, what would it be?

00:09:26.549 --> 00:09:31.419
I don't know, I guess, because I'm daoism now and everything, I'd like the warrior monk or something.

00:09:31.419 --> 00:09:35.681
Josh the monk, no, you know what?

00:09:35.681 --> 00:09:45.678
Josh the dao disciple, yeah look at you josh the dao disciple.

00:09:45.678 --> 00:09:49.825
I'd have classes and people would come in.

00:09:50.304 --> 00:10:05.677
Yes, my child yes, oh man oh man, let the river flow I can't even compare, I can't even like compete with that, so I'm just not even gonna give myself a name what?

00:10:05.677 --> 00:10:27.125
No, you have to give a name no, I don't oh god can't make me, oh geez okay, so self-help starter pack oh shit oh man, okay, the self-help starter pack.

00:10:27.125 --> 00:10:29.677
What most people try first.

00:10:29.677 --> 00:10:33.261
Books are obviously huge Books, podcasts.

00:10:33.988 --> 00:10:34.129
Yeah.

00:10:35.250 --> 00:10:42.965
I've even done like Pinterest, you know, looking for quotes or affirmations, stuff like that.

00:10:43.149 --> 00:10:44.903
Activity physical activity Physical activity.

00:10:44.846 --> 00:10:45.625
You know, like walking, yeah, fresh air.

00:10:45.567 --> 00:10:46.119
Listeningirmations, stuff like that.

00:10:46.119 --> 00:10:46.427
Activity, physical activity.

00:10:46.427 --> 00:10:46.807
Physical activity, you know, like walking.

00:10:47.149 --> 00:10:50.041
Yeah fresh air listening to birds chirp.

00:10:50.523 --> 00:10:51.326
Yeah, yeah.

00:10:51.691 --> 00:10:52.634
All of that fun stuff.

00:10:52.634 --> 00:10:57.542
Now, speaking of books, what are some of your, actually?

00:10:57.542 --> 00:10:57.861
You know what?

00:10:57.861 --> 00:11:05.663
Let's name one book, self-help book, that you have truly enjoyed or that has made a difference.

00:11:05.663 --> 00:11:08.111
Not the only one, but at least one.

00:11:11.517 --> 00:11:14.442
I'm so bad at names, but I have one.

00:11:14.783 --> 00:11:15.443
Okay, go for it.

00:11:15.443 --> 00:11:23.922
While you're looking it up, I will actually say one of the ones that I truly enjoyed was Atomic Habits.

00:11:24.604 --> 00:11:24.984
Okay.

00:11:25.163 --> 00:11:31.371
Okay, enjoyed was.

00:11:31.392 --> 00:11:31.511
Atomic.

00:11:31.532 --> 00:11:33.836
Habits Okay, okay, just the ability to like look at how to form a habit differently.

00:11:33.836 --> 00:11:39.410
Yeah, was really inspiring and kind of changed how I look at myself, because I was always like why am I so?

00:11:39.410 --> 00:11:44.134
Why do I find it so hard to follow through with things?

00:11:45.095 --> 00:11:46.975
Right, right, yeah, okay.

00:11:47.736 --> 00:11:50.678
So that one was a big one for me, one of the big ones.

00:11:50.678 --> 00:11:53.280
There's been tons of others, but that was a big one for me.

00:11:53.280 --> 00:11:54.381
What, uh, which?

00:11:54.381 --> 00:11:54.981
The one?

00:11:55.022 --> 00:11:59.725
that changed everything for me, yeah, and got me kind of into my groove.

00:11:59.884 --> 00:12:00.164
Yeah.

00:12:00.306 --> 00:12:03.307
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson.

00:12:04.210 --> 00:12:05.934
That one, mark Mans, not giving a fuck by, uh, mark manson.

00:12:05.995 --> 00:12:07.779
that one, mark manson your guy, that one there he's.

00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:12.076
Uh, he's a true chap have you read any self-help like parenting books?

00:12:12.698 --> 00:12:17.636
um, I started one, I think, the one that you uh recommended to me oh shit, wasn't it you?

00:12:17.636 --> 00:12:19.302
I think it was you that recommended it to me.

00:12:19.931 --> 00:12:22.796
It's been good oh, the parenting map by dr Shefali.

00:12:22.796 --> 00:12:26.884
Yeah, okay, yeah, that was eye-opening.

00:12:27.090 --> 00:12:28.394
Oh, and I have Atomic Habits.

00:12:28.895 --> 00:12:29.236
Oh you do.

00:12:29.236 --> 00:12:30.320
Yeah, it was good.

00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.289
Yeah, you should read it or listen to it.

00:12:33.389 --> 00:12:34.895
For some reason I didn't go through that one.

00:12:35.278 --> 00:12:36.390
Yeah, definitely like.

00:12:36.390 --> 00:12:41.955
Self-help books are like the number one way.

00:12:42.235 --> 00:12:42.596
For sure.

00:12:43.096 --> 00:12:44.597
I would think to like.

00:12:44.597 --> 00:12:46.438
Change your life, change your life.

00:12:46.438 --> 00:12:49.201
And now podcasts are just becoming more and more big.

00:12:49.201 --> 00:12:50.842
All of these like I mean.

00:12:50.842 --> 00:12:52.563
You have so many like the Brene Browns.

00:12:52.563 --> 00:12:55.046
I think even Mark Manson has his own podcast, does he not?

00:12:55.346 --> 00:12:55.886
Yeah, he does.

00:12:55.966 --> 00:12:58.111
Okay so like there's, they're all over.

00:12:58.711 --> 00:12:58.792
Yeah.

00:12:58.812 --> 00:12:59.732
You can't escape it.

00:13:00.312 --> 00:13:00.474
No.

00:13:00.933 --> 00:13:05.937
You, you can't say oh, I don't know where to start, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to.

00:13:05.958 --> 00:13:07.299
There's so much help out there.

00:13:08.019 --> 00:13:08.221
Yeah.

00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:15.527
You know, and if you're listening and, like we said about the fan mail, you can send us something and we'll send you some of our top books.

00:13:16.669 --> 00:13:16.990
Yeah, for sure.

00:13:16.990 --> 00:13:19.758
We'd love to hear what you guys have read.

00:13:19.758 --> 00:13:21.022
What's inspired you?

00:13:21.022 --> 00:13:28.644
When does the advice go from being helpful to being harmful in a way?

00:13:28.644 --> 00:13:37.303
Have you ever seen messaging that was more harmful than helpful?

00:13:37.303 --> 00:13:48.043
And I'll give you an example If you want it badly enough, the universe will give it to you, right?

00:13:48.043 --> 00:14:02.634
So one of the things that I was told similar to that actually is if you're not doing it or you don't have it, it must mean that you didn't want it badly enough.

00:14:03.313 --> 00:14:03.673
Okay.

00:14:04.033 --> 00:14:08.764
Okay, and I used to wear it.

00:14:08.764 --> 00:14:12.345
I almost used to wear that or use it as like a.

00:14:14.797 --> 00:14:16.222
Like a crutch yeah.

00:14:16.936 --> 00:14:27.427
You know, I guess I didn't want it badly enough Right After I did nothing to get it or to even try to change or to whatever the case.

00:14:27.427 --> 00:14:33.768
It was Right and like let's take eating healthier as an example.

00:14:33.768 --> 00:14:44.384
Like I said, didn't want it badly enough, didn't make any changes, didn't give up that snack, didn't give you know, didn't eat more kale, whatever the fuck.

00:14:44.384 --> 00:14:50.385
So I feel like that harmed me more than it helped me.

00:14:50.715 --> 00:14:57.726
So I feel like that harmed me more than it helped me, because it wasn't until afterwards, when I was reading about how the brain works.

00:14:57.726 --> 00:15:05.361
Right, it's almost like that.

00:15:05.361 --> 00:15:14.552
Thinking that way of thinking that sentence, I made myself believe that, and so, therefore, my actions followed it.

00:15:15.355 --> 00:15:15.515
Yeah.

00:15:15.657 --> 00:15:16.400
Does that make sense?

00:15:17.125 --> 00:15:17.385
Yeah.

00:15:17.586 --> 00:15:23.225
So it did like the complete opposite of what I had wanted, just by hearing those words.

00:15:25.816 --> 00:15:30.384
Your luck is based off of how much you sweat, you know.

00:15:30.384 --> 00:15:35.715
So it's like basically there is, metaphorically, yeah, okay.

00:15:35.715 --> 00:15:37.481
So basically there is no luck, right?

00:15:37.481 --> 00:15:43.166
It's how hard you work and that luck comes from the work you do, kind of thing.

00:15:43.166 --> 00:15:47.605
So you know that could be perceived also as negative in a way.

00:15:48.386 --> 00:15:48.648
Yeah.

00:15:48.648 --> 00:15:56.042
Well, what about those people that are working really fucking hard, Like there's?

00:15:56.042 --> 00:15:58.066
There's more to it than just work?

00:15:58.626 --> 00:15:58.988
Exactly.

00:15:59.028 --> 00:16:00.196
Working hard at something.

00:16:00.255 --> 00:16:00.517
You know.

00:16:00.517 --> 00:16:04.485
So I think I think you, you, when you hear these kinds of lines.

00:16:04.807 --> 00:16:05.576
That's what I'm saying.

00:16:05.657 --> 00:16:06.119
Of of.

00:16:06.119 --> 00:16:11.822
I think you have to really kind of take it with a grain of salt, because but put it into context.

00:16:11.822 --> 00:16:12.806
But that's it.

00:16:12.806 --> 00:16:17.835
That's it, you know, because you'll hear those, especially those kind of things.

00:16:17.835 --> 00:16:19.100
I hear them all the time.

00:16:19.715 --> 00:16:22.424
So what are your thoughts on like journaling?

00:16:24.038 --> 00:16:25.309
I'm getting into it.

00:16:25.572 --> 00:16:25.754
Okay.

00:16:26.235 --> 00:16:29.244
But I journal a little differently.

00:16:30.486 --> 00:16:30.767
Okay.

00:16:36.274 --> 00:16:36.895
I journal a little differently.

00:16:36.895 --> 00:16:39.059
Okay, so I don't journal like my day or like my stuff, or like what I'm thinking or reflection.

00:16:39.059 --> 00:16:40.282
I reflect in a different way.

00:16:40.282 --> 00:16:51.162
I read a quote and I do it once a week and then I take the quote and then I journal about what I think the quote means to me in my life.

00:16:52.082 --> 00:16:52.482
Okay.

00:16:52.683 --> 00:16:53.043
You know.

00:16:53.043 --> 00:16:58.328
So that's kind of like what I do as like my little journal slash reflection.

00:16:58.570 --> 00:17:02.777
Yeah, that's nice, that sounds very nice actually.

00:17:02.797 --> 00:17:05.124
Yeah, and every week I have a new anchor for the whole week.

00:17:05.124 --> 00:17:26.636
Okay, and so I try to repeat it every once in a while when I'm fucking pissed and you know know, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but yeah, you um, I find it hard to journal in the old school way of like actually writing.

00:17:27.818 --> 00:17:32.467
I'm more of a audio journal.

00:17:32.567 --> 00:17:33.148
That's cool.

00:17:33.348 --> 00:17:35.942
Yeah, like audio to notes kind of thing.

00:17:35.962 --> 00:17:38.259
Yeah, yeah, Like it.

00:17:38.298 --> 00:17:40.605
Just it works best for me.

00:17:40.605 --> 00:17:43.144
What about therapy?

00:17:44.854 --> 00:17:44.973
Yeah.

00:17:45.476 --> 00:17:57.652
I think I personally think and I know some people will very much disagree with me on this but I actually think everybody should be in therapy, and not because we're all fucked up.

00:17:57.652 --> 00:17:59.236
That's absolutely not what I mean.

00:17:59.236 --> 00:18:10.888
I just mean there is value to therapy in all people, to all degrees.

00:18:10.888 --> 00:18:19.185
You can get something out of it, no matter how little or how much you want it.

00:18:19.567 --> 00:18:20.327
For sure you know what I mean.

00:18:20.327 --> 00:18:23.555
For sure, yeah, I think therapy is very important.

00:18:23.555 --> 00:18:31.910
I think AI therapy is going to become a lot more big.

00:18:31.910 --> 00:18:33.419
I mean it already is.

00:18:33.618 --> 00:18:35.625
Yeah, but um Certainly cheaper.

00:18:36.415 --> 00:18:44.979
Certainly cheaper and, um, you know it's, it's becoming more and more fascinating and real and and uh, so you know.

00:18:44.979 --> 00:18:56.942
But yes, therapy, I think, is very important healthy, mediocre, not healthy, like whatever the, the, the point is, it should be happening.

00:18:57.183 --> 00:18:57.444
Yeah.

00:18:57.444 --> 00:18:59.371
You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:59.371 --> 00:19:02.377
I just um yeah.

00:19:02.377 --> 00:19:17.058
I think everybody should have, uh, some sort of motivator in their life to hype them up when they're feeling down to yeah you know, push them when they need that.

00:19:17.058 --> 00:19:27.207
Push in any form, whatever form that is that looks like to you you know, yeah, I think, I think it's important for sure.

00:19:27.648 --> 00:20:00.930
I try, I'm trying, I'm realizing more and more um now at this age, in my 40s, how valuable those things are, those tools and I'm trying to not all tools, but there are a few tools that I try to encourage the kids to to do too, like journaling, I think, writing, writing down, or or video, blog, vlogging, journal, whatever right whatever form that journal comes in.

00:20:00.930 --> 00:20:04.376
I'm trying to encourage the boys to do that.

00:20:04.376 --> 00:20:12.846
I think it helps to like uh when you internalize everything all the time and I've done that for a very long time.

00:20:13.771 --> 00:20:14.998
It does something to you.

00:20:14.998 --> 00:20:17.288
You feel alone a lot of times You're not alone.

00:20:17.288 --> 00:20:26.586
So sometimes even just saying how you feel out loud, even if it's not to a person, but you're putting those words out in the air.

00:20:26.586 --> 00:20:29.423
I think it can help I don't know, that's just my thought process on it?

00:20:29.463 --> 00:20:30.527
I think so too I think you can help.

00:20:30.547 --> 00:20:31.229
Yeah, I don't know, that's just my.

00:20:31.249 --> 00:20:31.690
No, I think so too.

00:20:31.690 --> 00:20:32.192
My thought process on it.

00:20:32.192 --> 00:20:32.532
I think so too.

00:20:32.532 --> 00:20:33.095
I think you're right yeah.

00:20:33.115 --> 00:20:48.039
Yeah, and like I mean, I think more and more that kids these days need to be shown some form of tool that they can use.

00:20:48.039 --> 00:20:49.605
Yeah, you know what I mean.

00:20:49.605 --> 00:20:51.490
Think about when we were kids, right?

00:20:51.490 --> 00:20:52.415
Like we didn't.

00:20:52.415 --> 00:20:56.665
We didn't like that kind of stuff wasn't anything we knew about.

00:20:56.665 --> 00:21:01.503
We very much internalized things and we thought we were the only ones that ever felt it.

00:21:02.085 --> 00:21:22.119
I mean, in some ways, you know, even though you know parents in general, including each other we're not, you know, gurus in these types of things but I think it starts with the kid feeling safe, you know, to be able to speak um at home, yeah, and then from there it, it makes it easier to move around.

00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:27.661
But you know there's always disagreement when there's change, when things change, when things are different.

00:21:27.661 --> 00:21:31.180
You know everyone always wants everything to stay exactly the same.

00:21:31.180 --> 00:21:37.046
There's a lot to unpack on this one, actually.

00:21:39.459 --> 00:21:39.819
Change is.

00:21:39.819 --> 00:21:41.104
Change is hard for some people.

00:21:41.104 --> 00:21:42.146
Everything yeah.

00:21:42.555 --> 00:21:45.885
Everything is hard in that regard, yeah.

00:21:47.156 --> 00:21:55.327
Last question before we move on to this or that segment Do you think that self-help is empowering or exhausting?

00:21:56.556 --> 00:21:57.701
No, I think it's empowering.

00:21:57.921 --> 00:21:59.016
Yeah, you Do.

00:21:59.016 --> 00:21:59.878
You think there's a line.

00:22:00.580 --> 00:22:10.256
Yeah, for sure, I think there's a line, but I think for the most part, and like for me personally, I think it's been very empowering Me personally.

00:22:11.738 --> 00:22:13.138
I think it's been very empowering.

00:22:13.138 --> 00:22:23.351
I think it's been empowering for myself, but I've also been at a point where I found it exhausting.

00:22:25.134 --> 00:22:25.675
But I'll tell you why.

00:22:27.300 --> 00:22:28.845
It's usually because I'm not ready.

00:22:30.535 --> 00:22:31.698
Okay fair.

00:22:31.758 --> 00:22:47.503
So, whatever it is that I was searching for, I may have found it, but then going through or starting let's say starting to read the book, because that's usually how it gets started for me I found it exhausting.

00:22:58.375 --> 00:23:00.859
It's great and it's empowering if the timing is right and if you're ready for it.

00:23:00.859 --> 00:23:02.063
Yeah, I think that's very important.

00:23:02.063 --> 00:23:19.183
You know, when you're looking at the self-help in general, yeah, you know, I mean there's because there's a lot of times where you might have actually seen something and just kind of moved on, and then now you look at that same thing and like it speaks to you.

00:23:19.965 --> 00:23:22.380
Yeah, exactly this or that, Josh.

00:23:22.781 --> 00:23:24.320
All right, so self-help edition.

00:23:24.320 --> 00:23:25.921
So which one would you try?

00:23:25.921 --> 00:23:31.106
Daily cold plunge or 100 daily affirmations?

00:23:31.894 --> 00:23:33.161
100 daily affirmations.

00:23:33.161 --> 00:23:37.443
100 daily affirmations, not taking any cold plunges.

00:23:37.443 --> 00:23:42.880
Would you quit social media forever?

00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:45.484
Or quit caffeine forever?

00:23:45.484 --> 00:23:49.131
I don't know.

00:23:49.912 --> 00:23:51.192
Does this include business?

00:23:56.278 --> 00:23:57.278
I know, is this include?

00:23:57.298 --> 00:23:57.459
business.

00:23:57.459 --> 00:24:00.741
No, if it doesn't include business, social media, I would get rid of.

00:24:00.741 --> 00:24:04.305
Okay, so I guess I would go for the coffee.

00:24:05.105 --> 00:24:07.748
No, yeah, you would quit social media yeah, I would quit social media my bad.

00:24:07.768 --> 00:24:08.508
Yeah, caffeine is hard to give up.

00:24:08.508 --> 00:24:09.868
Yeah, yeah, I would quit social media my bad.

00:24:09.888 --> 00:24:11.109
Yeah, caffeine's hard to give up.

00:24:11.431 --> 00:24:21.180
Yeah, yeah, okay, wake up at 4 am daily or drink celery juice for every meal, for every meal.

00:24:22.056 --> 00:24:23.662
I will wake up at 4.

00:24:23.662 --> 00:24:26.498
I'll just go to bed earlier.

00:24:26.940 --> 00:24:27.320
It's all good.

00:24:27.320 --> 00:24:28.463
Yeah, I'm in bed at 8.

00:24:28.744 --> 00:24:49.587
It's all good Meditate three hours a day or walk barefoot everywhere for grounding I would meditate for three hours um who walks barefoot everywhere give up sarcasm for a month, or give up multitasking for a month.

00:24:49.587 --> 00:24:51.982
I guess sarcasm, I don't know if I would even know how to give up multitasking for a month.

00:24:51.982 --> 00:24:52.545
I guess sarcasm.

00:24:52.545 --> 00:24:58.060
I don't know if I would even know how to give up multitasking.

00:24:58.060 --> 00:25:02.248
Okay, would you attend a 10 day no speaking retreat?

00:25:02.248 --> 00:25:02.949
Oh my God.

00:25:02.969 --> 00:25:03.576
That's my dream.

00:25:04.857 --> 00:25:08.644
Or go on a 30 day dopamine detox.

00:25:10.467 --> 00:25:10.988
What's that?

00:25:10.988 --> 00:25:14.042
I don't know.

00:25:14.042 --> 00:25:18.867
Dopamine detox, dopamine, dopamine.

00:25:18.867 --> 00:25:21.128
We need dopamine, don't we?

00:25:21.128 --> 00:25:23.079
We get like Like dopamine, it's like the feel-good drug.

00:25:23.295 --> 00:25:25.624
It's the feel-good drug, but it's a detox.

00:25:25.624 --> 00:25:27.536
What if you're so?

00:25:27.536 --> 00:25:35.861
It would be a detox of the bad things that give you dopamine, Like doom scrolling, for example, or whatever Shit I would maybe do the detox.

00:25:35.861 --> 00:25:38.175
I think that would be fun, that sounds interesting yeah.

00:25:38.657 --> 00:25:46.207
I think I would do the detox, go on a find-yourself solo trip or hire a life coach.

00:25:46.207 --> 00:25:47.229
You can't afford.

00:25:48.435 --> 00:25:49.661
No, I would go on a solo trip.

00:25:49.661 --> 00:25:51.821
I think that would hit all the buttons for me.

00:25:51.821 --> 00:25:59.887
Would you carry a crystal in your pocket or tape affirmations to your mirror?

00:26:03.296 --> 00:26:04.278
Crystal in my pocket.

00:26:05.059 --> 00:26:06.684
Oh, my God no.

00:26:07.445 --> 00:26:07.727
Yeah.

00:26:07.934 --> 00:26:08.538
Do you know?

00:26:08.538 --> 00:26:10.988
I have been really interested in chakras lately.

00:26:10.988 --> 00:26:12.173
Oh, yeah, yeah, oh the chakras lately.

00:26:12.173 --> 00:26:15.480
Oh, yeah, yeah, oh the chakras, and what they do and like yeah.

00:26:16.141 --> 00:26:16.402
Yeah.

00:26:17.083 --> 00:26:17.744
That's cool.

00:26:17.765 --> 00:26:18.326
I even got a book.

00:26:19.028 --> 00:26:20.881
No way I even got a book about it.

00:26:20.881 --> 00:26:24.863
And I ordered a little chakra bracelet.

00:26:24.863 --> 00:26:25.865
Didn't get it yet.

00:26:26.486 --> 00:26:38.335
Look at you I don't know, I'm like listen, I'll take anything at this point, Whatever tools I can get.

00:26:38.335 --> 00:26:42.114
Only speak in mantras or only eat food that raises your vibration.

00:26:44.959 --> 00:26:52.308
Since we all know now, at this point, that I cannot do food things, I'm going to say I will speak in mantras.

00:26:52.569 --> 00:26:53.290
Okay, fair.

00:26:54.615 --> 00:27:00.833
Okay, Josh, join a wellness cult or start your own.

00:27:01.314 --> 00:27:01.654
Start my own.

00:27:02.115 --> 00:27:02.738
I knew it.

00:27:02.738 --> 00:27:12.536
I knew it knew it.

00:27:12.536 --> 00:27:21.595
I knew it um manifest love with moon water or visualize your future self every morning, at sunshine, at sunrise, matt like the visualize myself every morning yeah, that sounds kind of cool.

00:27:21.595 --> 00:27:25.281
I don't even know what the fuck moon water is, so I'm gonna say forget that.

00:27:25.281 --> 00:27:27.285
Okay, josh, last one each.

00:27:27.285 --> 00:27:30.797
Okay, yeah, do shadow work every night.

00:27:30.797 --> 00:27:33.662
Do you know what shadow work is okay?

00:27:33.662 --> 00:27:37.469
Or have weekly ego death therapy?

00:27:37.469 --> 00:27:43.526
Shadow work really would you shadow work?

00:27:43.646 --> 00:27:44.969
yeah, I think I would do shadow work.

00:27:44.969 --> 00:27:50.886
All right, last one Okay, start a self-help YouTube channel or delete your phone forever.

00:27:50.886 --> 00:27:56.383
A YouTube channel, oh my gosh.

00:27:56.442 --> 00:27:57.285
Oh man, that was good.

00:27:57.705 --> 00:27:58.267
That was good.

00:27:58.708 --> 00:27:59.028
Okay.

00:27:59.028 --> 00:28:04.605
So one last question to tie this up.

00:28:04.605 --> 00:28:16.207
One last question to tie this up what if your self-help journey?

00:28:16.207 --> 00:28:17.474
Does not tie in with that of your partners, do you?

00:28:18.976 --> 00:28:19.336
think it matters?

00:28:19.336 --> 00:28:20.897
I think it matters to a degree.

00:28:20.897 --> 00:28:21.157
Yes.

00:28:21.438 --> 00:28:23.440
Okay, in what way do you think it matters?

00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:55.945
Well, you know, if you're going through this self-help, you're probably figuring out things about yourself, things that you didn't like before, which might be connected to who you're with or whatever, and a partner who cares and believes in you and so on and so on and so on, will most likely support you, and you know, I think they need to at least meet you somewhere.

00:28:55.945 --> 00:28:56.287
You know.

00:28:56.287 --> 00:29:08.175
It doesn't mean that they have to be like, oh, you're doing this, okay, I'm gonna do it too, but it should be something like along the lines of like, oh, you're doing this now, like, okay, you know what, I'm very interested in this.

00:29:08.175 --> 00:29:14.353
Like you know, like this is going to make you more relaxed, or whatever.

00:29:14.353 --> 00:29:21.836
Like I'm going to, you know, go with that, as opposed to being like, why are you doing this, you know, or whatever, who knows you know?

00:29:22.816 --> 00:29:38.989
Um, so, yeah, I think so, and also I feel like self-help could fit into like morals and stuff like that, and so, you know I, I don't think it would be absurd to think that, like, morals can change and thoughts like that can change.

00:29:38.989 --> 00:29:51.097
So, yeah, you know, I think people outgrow people all the time, the time and, um, you know it's either you know, like I, I don't know.

00:29:51.097 --> 00:29:51.900
I think that there's always.

00:29:51.900 --> 00:29:56.189
Maybe, you know, you never, you never going to be right there with someone.

00:29:56.189 --> 00:30:04.577
I think sometimes people are going to be behind you and you might have to, you know, slow down and and wait for them.

00:30:04.577 --> 00:30:12.663
And then other times, uh times, it might be you and they're slowing down and waiting for you, but I don't think you can get too far ahead.

00:30:12.663 --> 00:30:21.715
You know, I think if you get too far ahead and you end up leaving them in the dust, then at some point there's just going to be nothing there.

00:30:21.715 --> 00:30:23.921
You know, I don't know.

00:30:24.280 --> 00:30:25.765
I actually really agree with that.

00:30:25.765 --> 00:30:27.808
I agree.

00:30:27.808 --> 00:30:39.384
I like what you said, though Like there are times where you are maybe side by side, but most of the time somebody's catching up somewhere.

00:30:39.644 --> 00:30:40.887
Right, yeah, for sure.

00:30:41.015 --> 00:30:42.762
Like there's kind of like a wave.

00:30:43.325 --> 00:30:43.626
Mm-hmm.

00:30:44.329 --> 00:30:49.286
Yeah, that was very insightful, josh.

00:30:49.556 --> 00:30:52.555
Well, just remember or was it the last episode or this episode?

00:30:52.555 --> 00:30:54.563
I'm known as Josh the.

00:30:57.261 --> 00:30:58.528
The Tao disciple.

00:30:58.755 --> 00:31:03.500
Yeah, the Tao, disciple the Tao disciple Josh the Tao disciple.

00:31:04.763 --> 00:31:07.419
Oh fuck, I swear to God.

00:31:07.419 --> 00:31:10.883
All right, well, that was a great episode.

00:31:11.055 --> 00:31:12.280
That was a very good episode.

00:31:12.394 --> 00:31:17.085
I think you got to learn a little bit more about us and what makes us tick.

00:31:18.607 --> 00:31:19.088
As always.

00:31:19.455 --> 00:31:22.296
As always, exactly so thanks for tuning.

00:31:22.296 --> 00:31:26.340
In to Brother Sister Whatever where real talk meets zero chill.

00:31:26.340 --> 00:31:28.663
In to Brother Sister Whatever where real talk meets zero chill.

00:31:28.663 --> 00:31:33.048
And please like, subscribe, follow all channels, all podcasts everywhere.

00:31:34.029 --> 00:31:35.671
And remember, we want to see that fan mail.

00:31:39.194 --> 00:31:39.276
Yes.

00:31:39.276 --> 00:31:39.597
So let's see it.

00:31:39.597 --> 00:31:41.169
Come on, talk to us.

00:31:41.169 --> 00:31:41.269
Bye.