April 16, 2025
No Chill #15: FOMO: The Emotional Cocktail We Can't Stop Drinking
We dive deep into the psychology of FOMO, exploring why we feel it, how it impacts our mental health, and whether we're actually missing out or just falling for an illusion fueled by social media. This conversation reveals universal truths about our desire to keep up with others while questioning the need to compare ourselves at all.
• FOMO represents an emotional cocktail of envy, regret, and self-doubt often triggered by social media
• The joy of missing out (JOMO) involves learning to be content with your choices rather than constantly comparing
• Social media significantly amplifies FOMO, leading many to curate their feeds to protect mental health
• FOBO (fear of better options) keeps people from committing to plans while waiting for something better
• Teen and young adult FOMO differs from adult FOMO but stems from the same desire to be included
• Personal FOMO triggers include vacation envy, parenting comparisons, and body image insecurities
• Most of what we think we're missing isn't actually that amazing - our perception is often distorted
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Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.
00:28 - Welcome to Brother, Sister, Whatever
01:04 - Weekly "What If" Question
03:38 - Understanding FOMO
07:03 - Social Media and FOMO
13:30 - FOMO vs FOBO
22:32 - This or That: FOMO Edition
26:56 - Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up
WEBVTT
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Welcome to Brother, sister, whatever, with Real Talk and Zero Chill.
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I'm Lisa.
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And I'm Josh.
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If you are into unfiltered conversations, hit that subscribe button and let's get into it.
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Okay.
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So today we're going to deep dive into FOMO, why we feel it, how it messes with our heads, and whether we're actually missing out or just falling for the illusion.
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Plus, we've got some hot takes, a this or that showdown and, of course, our weekly what?
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If so, let's get into it.
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Let's do it.
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So for our weekly, what if?
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The question is what if you had the power to instantly see what would have happened if you had said yes to every event or opportunity you ever skipped?
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But it is.
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You only get to see the past, so would you want to have the power to be able to see past events?
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To see past events that I didn't go see.
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That you never went, that you decided, you said no to.
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This is the great thing about my brain is I don't remember shit.
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So you know, like this is, you know I'd have to really like, really really think about this.
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I'm going to say I'm sure maybe something will pop up while you're talking, maybe, but I'll say this I try and I know it sounds cliche I try to have the least amount of regrets possible.
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So my mind doesn't really go there Like, oh man, if I would have went to that I could have saw so-and-so, you know, or whatever.
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Um, so right now nothing really comes to mind.
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I feel like everything kind of happens for a reason.
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I know this is boring so far for me.
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What about you?
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I think what you don't know won't hurt you yeah.
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What you don't know won't hurt you, why bother?
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Because if you've said I, what you don't know won't hurt you, like, why bother?
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Because if you've said no, and you didn't go, and they had, and you had the chance to like see what happened and you saw all of this fun, like.
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But then, on the flip side, sometimes your brain makes it out to be much more than it was, like, oh, I couldn't go to that because I didn't have a choice, I had something else planned or whatever the case, and you really wanted to go to that event.
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Right.
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And all of the things in your head that you missed.
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But really it was just like a boring dinner.
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Half the people left early Like it was nothing exciting.
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But you wouldn't know that really unless you had that hindsight.
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Unless, like someone took a video and was like look how much fun we're having.
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Unless you talk to somebody and they're like, yeah, it was boring as shit.
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And then you're like, okay, I didn't miss much.
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But you know, I don't know I could see both sides, but I don't know I could see both sides.
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I don't think I would want to.
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Well, I mean, I can see a lot of people having that like oh, if I would have went, or but, but, but, but you know so.
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So I definitely feel like there's probably a lot of people who feel like that.
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Um, yeah, yeah, Would.
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Would you regret missing out even more.
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Would you realize you didn't actually miss anything?
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Great, I think I would have more FOMO having this power.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Yeah, have enough fucking FOMO in my life.
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Do you really?
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Why bring it in?
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For some things, yes, other things I don't give two shits about, but there's some things that and it's usually like, for example, like right now, it's all about vacations.
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I'm seeing everybody coming back from spring break vacations, all of these great trips, fucking Aruba and this and that, and I'm just like, yeah, I worked, I worked and watched the kids for half the week, anyway, whatever, well, anyway.
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So yeah, that's my take.
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my answer is no, I would not want the power me either I'm, I'm gonna yeah on that yeah, yeah, yeah, for me it just you know like, yeah, I get what you mean.
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You know, I see a picture of someone like um, you know like wherever, at the airport, you know the plane, and I'm just kind of like mexico was nice yeah and but but other than that I'm like you know, the next second.
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I'm kind of like boop.
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Yeah.
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So, Well, good for you.
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If people dwell on it, though that's hard.
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Okay, so that's it for the Weekly.
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What If?
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Why do we have FOMO?
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How many times have at least I heard where a man or a woman in a marriage is like, you know, oh my God.
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Like, oh, you know, I wish I was single.
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And the single people are like, oh, all I want to do is find a man or all I want to do is find a woman.
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You know that, that this, that you know.
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So it's like everyone is always after what the other one has or or whatever you know.
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So I mean that that to me that's the definition of like FOMO in a way, you know, and it's like it's wanting, it essentially.
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For me, I feel like it's wanting things that you don't have right now.
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Yeah, and I mean, it's so the why somebody else has it, and you see that.
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That's that FOMO.
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You get FOMO.
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It's a what was it say here?
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Uh, it's an emotional cocktail of envy, regret and self-doubt, all served with a side of scrolling.
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Yeah.
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Side note, I've always envied people that go on vacation every year and I'm like, why the fuck man?
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Like why can't I go on vacation every year?
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And it's like that, that um perception of like being.
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It's untouchable, like you can't.
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You can't have that.
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Well, yeah, you could, but you just have to do X, y, z or change this or You're right.
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You're right that that makes a lot of sense.
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I mean to to pertaining at least to what you're saying about the vacations like oh I envy these people like that go every year.
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Vacations like, oh I envy these people like that go every year.
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they might not eat out, they might not um, by making sacrifices you don't see the behind the scenes I think that I, uh, especially turning 40, I really want to, like, I really want to get into travel.
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Compared to my gosh even five years ago, eh, now, like my kids, I want them to see everything I mean I want to see I don't even know.
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It's going to be an experience for them and I, in a way, Yep, oh, I agree, we haven't been on a vacation in years.
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We haven't been on a vacation in years.
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When I say vacation, I just want to clarify that I mean getting on a plane and going somewhere nice and warm and beautiful.
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Okay, the last time we went on a vacation was, like I'm going to say, almost six years ago.
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Okay, we've done trips Gone toagara falls, like those are great, but I'm I'm in need in like a lot of need for tropical breeze and you know the beach and oh, you just feed me.
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I don't want to think about it.
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You know, sit by the pool that I'm like dehydrated for that.
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Do you know that feeling where you're just like I need some?
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I need water.
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I used to think it was so overrated.
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I did too.
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I think responsibilities and everything as it creeps up on you becomes more and more a necessity yeah in many ways yeah, but also, like you said, that desire for experiences, right, yeah, I'm just, I'm dying for for some vacations I, uh, and I've had this little bit of a kind of almost like a longing since we're on this, even though it has nothing to do with FOMO Like a longing for a cabin.
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I don't know if it's an old age thing, but like a cabin, you know, like in the woods.
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Yes.
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Fire bring the kids s'mores camping.
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I don't know why, but I feel like right now I wouldn't be able to choose, like if I got a cabin, there's no way I could have vacations.
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Well, yes, of course, and if I, had vacations.
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There's no way I could have a cabin.
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But again it goes back to sacrificing right which one's more important to you right now that you would be willing to like put on hold the other one, you know kind of thing.
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Yeah, that's tough.
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But it's so funny because in the last few years I've thought we should go, we should buy a family cabin.
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That would be cool.
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Right Parenting FOMO I think I can relate to the most right.
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In what way?
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Just seeing other parents and the way that they are with their kids, it could be something as small as a discipline technique that works so well and you're like, why does?
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that not work for me Is that FOMO?
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Well it's.
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Is that FOMO, or is that like envy, or?
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I guess envy is part of.
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Yeah, I think it's all.
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Fomo means fear of missing out, so I'm not missing out on anything in that respect, but there's like an envy.
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It's like you're watching outside forces and there's that kind of envy part of it.
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I don't know I take it as FOMO.
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I could be wrong Listeners, let me know if I am but that's how I look at it.
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Social FOMO for sure.
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We've already discussed quite a few vacations, all that different kinds of stuff.
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Career FOMO I've had that.
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You see somebody successful doing something that they love doing and you're like man, why am I slogging away?
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I've definitely had that feeling before.
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Social media.
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That plays a huge part in FOMO.
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Huge yes, yes, yes, because it's, yeah, because a lot of it, though, is not real life.
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Who I follow is very curated, specifically because I want to avoid FOMO.
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I used to just scroll and see all kinds of things, right?
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People on vacation, people doing this, whatever, like the self-care routines you know that take three hours because you have the time for that shit, like that, right, and FOMO was a constant thing.
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You're like, oh my gosh, is this how I should be doing it?
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If I'm not doing it like this, like whatever, right?
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what about stuff with the kids?
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exactly parenting, those moms making the fucking lunches oh my gosh okay where we're like, the apples are cut like a butterfly.
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Yeah, okay.
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So now I realize that that's not doing anything for me.
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It's actually making me feel worse about myself and so I've actually cut all of that shit off of my like.
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Don't follow anybody like that.
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You know who I follow now Mark Manson, mel Robbins, you know, like Jay Shetty, I think the only frivolous social medias that I follow are going to be like the HGTV stars, because I can't do it anymore.
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It makes me feel shitty and, like I just said, parents dropping your kids off at school and you bump into that mom friend and you're like hear about their vacation.
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You're already experiencing FOMO in real life.
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Who the fuck needs it when you're trying to get away scrolling right, jomo, jomo.
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Jomo.
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Jomo, the joy of missing out, learning to be content with your choices.
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Do we actually regret missing things or do we just think that we do?
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I think that we think we do yes.
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Exactly what if missing out is actually a good thing?
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I obviously have probably had FOMO before.
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I'm just I don't know.
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My brain is weird, you know, like I can't think properly sometimes.
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So I don't remember stuff.
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But you know what I think about you Is.
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I think that you are very like, you have a very, you have a vision like you have a direction right and you don't really you're very impervious to like outside noise.
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You're very focused on like this is what I want, this is where I'm going, this is what is happening that you don't let a lot of outside noise in.
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I've noticed that about you.
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Which fucking FOMO Okay.
00:13:58.663 --> 00:14:00.753
Well, thanks, Well you know, like I mean.
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I wish I could be more like that.
00:14:02.017 --> 00:14:06.731
I got FOMO, I just I just yeah, I just realized what I have FOMO for because I'm doing this competition, this working out competition.
00:14:06.772 --> 00:14:07.352
So explain it a little bit.
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So I'm doing this competition, this working out competition, oh yes, so explain it a little bit.
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So I'm 40 years old and I had a lot of problems in the past gaining muscle.
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I would get sick, it turned out.
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I've been deficient for who knows how long in testosterone.
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So I'm on a TRT plan and so it has completely changed my life, to the point where I can't even like.
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It's like I feel 20 again.
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Okay, so I'm working out now and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm actually.
00:14:45.937 --> 00:14:55.100
So I did something crazy and I signed up to a men's physique competition, which is where you go on stage and you're like flexing your muscles.
00:14:55.120 --> 00:15:00.663
Yeah, exactly, and you know, for the record, I have no Sam Sulek, okay.
00:15:00.743 --> 00:15:02.163
You keep dropping these names.
00:15:02.163 --> 00:15:03.764
I'm like who are these people?
00:15:03.764 --> 00:15:06.784
Do you know that I literally have to Google everybody you talk about?
00:15:06.784 --> 00:15:07.804
I'm like who are these people?
00:15:08.024 --> 00:15:14.407
Okay, I'm no Sam Sulek, but Sam Sulek is a great example of someone I have FOMO over.
00:15:14.567 --> 00:15:14.746
Oh yeah.
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Because he is built like an ox.
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So yeah, I guess I do have FOMO in the bodybuilding regard.
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Okay.
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And going on stage.
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The whole point of doing that is because I've always hated what my body looks like.
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So to go on stage and show off something that I've worked for, that I can finally, you know, enhance.
00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:46.604
I guess it excites me.
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That's so exciting.
00:15:48.053 --> 00:15:49.278
I'm proud of you, thanks.
00:15:49.429 --> 00:15:50.013
I'm proud of you.
00:15:50.013 --> 00:15:50.596
That's awesome.
00:15:50.596 --> 00:16:14.745
Okay, so the dark side of FOMO the impulse decisions, the impulse buys, right, you know, the comparison trap, the keeping up culture and how all of affects like your mental health, our mental health.
00:16:14.745 --> 00:16:25.359
How many times have you, you know, been scrolling on social media and you'd be like, oh, look at that cute little gadget she's using or he's using?
00:16:25.359 --> 00:16:28.998
I'm like Amazon bye, you know all in five seconds.
00:16:28.998 --> 00:16:30.149
Yeah, amazon bye, you know all in five seconds.
00:16:30.149 --> 00:16:40.302
Yeah, I've had to kind of self-evaluate and take away some of those little triggers that kind of make me go down that rabbit hole.
00:16:40.442 --> 00:16:40.542
Yeah.
00:16:40.562 --> 00:16:43.485
Because it's just not healthy, it just doesn't make me feel good about myself.
00:16:43.485 --> 00:16:49.674
And then, when you don't feel good about yourself, you're perpetuating the cycle, right?
00:16:49.674 --> 00:17:02.259
You're doing all of these things because you think you need to, or because you think it'll get you there, or whatever your motivation behind doing them is, and when you never get there, just you fucking feel like shit all the time.
00:17:02.259 --> 00:17:05.387
So I don't bother.
00:17:05.387 --> 00:17:10.719
I don't bother anymore, but I still have some moments of weakness, I think.
00:17:12.060 --> 00:17:14.912
Yeah, everybody does, I'm sure, for sure.
00:17:14.912 --> 00:17:21.968
I mean going back to, I mean everything, if, if, if.
00:17:21.968 --> 00:17:38.433
If we're on the topic of like what I was just talking about, like the bodybuilding supplements, right away, you see, you see, I don't know again sam sulik or whoever, and and he's like this, let me tell you this has changed my.
00:17:38.433 --> 00:17:39.336
We're buying it.
00:17:39.336 --> 00:17:41.058
Yep, it changed his life.
00:17:41.058 --> 00:17:43.323
Like we need to buy it.
00:17:43.463 --> 00:17:52.140
Yes, well, I think it's in a way, uh, like a self-inflicted peer pressure, almost Right.
00:17:52.140 --> 00:17:56.365
Think about okay, so this is us talking about it in our 40s.
00:17:56.365 --> 00:18:08.276
Think about how we felt in our teens Right yeah, when your friends were hanging out without you, yeah.
00:18:08.276 --> 00:18:08.938
Right.
00:18:09.137 --> 00:18:09.338
Yeah.
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Like that shit was not fun.
00:18:13.450 --> 00:18:13.990
I didn't like that feeling.
00:18:13.990 --> 00:18:21.594
Yeah, I remember we used to always go out every weekend and if some reason the phone didn't ring or there was no text and that weekend kind of went by.
00:18:21.594 --> 00:18:25.608
You were almost a little salty yeah, what about in our 20s?
00:18:25.709 --> 00:18:26.371
I'm trying to think.
00:18:26.371 --> 00:18:29.837
I mean, I had a different perspective.
00:18:29.837 --> 00:18:30.900
I was single mom.
00:18:30.900 --> 00:18:35.017
All of my friends didn't have kids, so they were out there living their lives.
00:18:35.017 --> 00:18:42.324
So I had FOMO in that respect, kind of like I didn't get to go out anytime I wanted.
00:18:42.324 --> 00:18:51.536
When I did, I was a little more selective with what I was doing and who I was with because I wasn't able to do it as often, but I still felt FOMO.
00:18:51.536 --> 00:18:57.698
It kind of sucked, you know, like everybody's getting together and you're not there.
00:18:57.837 --> 00:18:59.301
You know and you're hearing stories.
00:18:59.301 --> 00:19:06.198
So definitely the social aspect of FOMO I definitely felt in my teens and my 20s.
00:19:08.291 --> 00:19:09.678
I think for me it was the opposite.
00:19:09.678 --> 00:19:21.690
So I felt FOMO if I was not at home, and that was all connected to the game I was playing or whatever.
00:19:21.690 --> 00:19:26.662
So, being out in my head I was like, oh man, if I was home I could be doing this.
00:19:26.662 --> 00:19:30.180
So I'd say it was the opposite for me.
00:19:30.180 --> 00:19:33.900
Yeah, which is weird, would you?
00:19:33.940 --> 00:19:35.311
say that's the introvert in you.
00:19:35.511 --> 00:19:37.575
Probably, probably.
00:19:37.615 --> 00:19:41.442
Yeah, oh, fobo, have you heard of that?
00:19:41.823 --> 00:19:42.384
FOBO.
00:19:42.683 --> 00:19:43.065
FOBO.
00:19:43.065 --> 00:19:43.810
I've heard of.
00:19:43.830 --> 00:19:46.696
FERBO, ferbo.
00:19:47.357 --> 00:19:50.703
FOMO versus FOBO, which is fear of better options.
00:19:50.703 --> 00:20:00.028
Uh, fomo versus FOBO, which is fear of better options, which is FOBO is not committing to anything because something better might come along.
00:20:00.028 --> 00:20:06.103
Oh boy, do we spend too much time deciding and end up missing out because we're waiting for the best option?
00:20:07.391 --> 00:20:08.817
There are a lot of people like that.
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I would say that I'm not one of them.
00:20:10.262 --> 00:20:11.336
I was going to say I would like to think that I'm not one of them.
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