WEBVTT
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okay, so time for this week's 90s mystery.
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You ready for it?
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Were our friendships actually deep back in the 90s, or just convenient?
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And I'll explain why.
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Think about it when we were kids?
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Did you ever travel to go for like a friend to a friend's house?
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No, your friends were in your proximity.
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Yeah, pretty much.
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We went to school and we had our house right Like our neighborhood.
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Yeah, did you make school?
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And we had our house right Like our neighborhood.
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Yeah.
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Did you make friends because you had no other choice?
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I guess it's possible, you know, I mean I was.
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I think I had more friends online in my game than I did, you know.
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So like when the computer first started getting popular like video game wise.
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That's true.
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You were really into online gaming as a teen.
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And then I was.
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You know, I'd say I had more friends over the globe than in real life.
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Okay, and that's because of a shared mutual thing If you were not on the computer, you weren't in touch with these people.
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No, that's what I'm saying, right, yeah.
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Like what like, but at the time, like I remember high school, for example.
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Mm-hmm.
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The friends that I had.
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We're like ride or dies at the time, and then when you kind of finish high school, there are listen, I'm not saying it doesn't happen, Of course.
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I still keep in touch sporadically with at least one really good high school friends, like really great friends at the time.
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Yeah, and we still, you know, send each other memes or whatever every once in a while right.
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But there are others that were my ride or dies in high school that I didn't.
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And why is that?
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Because you go to.
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They went to CSEP, I didn't.
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So we're not in the same proximity anymore.
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True, I had a kid early on're not in the same proximity anymore True.
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I had a kid early on.
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They were single and mingling, singling and mingling Right.
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Very different life experiences at the time, so you kind of drift right yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I mean I don't know In that essence, like what is a friend then?
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I guess?
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Well, exactly what is a friend?
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So I mean, I guess there has to be some kind of common ground, you know, or else I don't know.
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I guess there's not really a point in being someone's friend.
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There's not really a point in being someone's friend.
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It could be their acquaintance, like you know, you can be polite and be like hi, how's it going?
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Good, good, oh gosh.
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But you can be polite to the clerk at the corner store Like just make it a friendship.
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No, I know, but I'm just saying like.
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So, like you know, the definition of having a friend, I think, is also there's some kind of common ground between you.
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Know the friendship, I think.
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Yeah, like what think of your friends, not the online friends, but your actual physical friends.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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What made you back in the day, back in the 90s, high school-ish, what made you feel close to that person?
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When we'd play sports together.
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So common ground, mm-hmm.
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Okay, and if you weren't playing sports or doing whatever that common thing was, did you ever talk about other things?
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Yeah, sure, we talked about video games or other common things nothing like no, no in the 90s I know I mean I was like 12 well, okay, you're more than 12 99 okay, not, well, you're going right to the end.
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Well, of course, okay, because that's when you were in high school 99.
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Yeah, I wasn't having deep conversations with anyone.
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No, not even like this is my crush or anything.
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Is that different?
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Is it different Friendship with boy friendships and girl friendships?
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We don't talk about crushes.
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You never told a friend like I like this chick.
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No no.
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Not even like a.
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No, because boys would get teased.
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So if we said like I like that girl, then all of a sudden one guy is telling another guy, and then all the guys, and then they're all saying like yo, josh has a crush on you, or whatever.
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So no, of course not.
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We kept our mouth shut.
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Okay.
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You know, so because as a girl with friends like, we told each other everything Like they had.
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But it's funny because I don't remember ever being scared that my secrets would come out.
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Maybe I had the wrong friends, I don't know.
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No.
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I think it's maybe different too with boys and girls.
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Josh, also, my high school situation was a little different, because my high school situation.
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I left for PEI when I was almost at the end of elementary school.
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And then I came back two grades after in high school, grade eight.
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So all my friends when I came back.
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I'll never forget that.
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Actually, I remember when I came back I saw all my old friends in high school.
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I was like hey, I was like it's josh, you know, and they treated me like they didn't even fucking know me.
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That's heartbreaking, I know.
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I know I'll never forget that I won't say any names because obviously they're all here in Montreal, right, but they know who they are.
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But that was something I have to say.
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I was kind of like man really, just like you know, a few years went by and it's like I come back and it's like who's this fucking loser?
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You?
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know that's so heartbreaking so that.
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So basically I went to.
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I went to high school where all my old friends were there, yeah, but I was making, I had to make new friends.
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Instead, you know, there was only maybe a couple who was like josh, you know, like, oh my God, you know, like Jeff, you know there was there was a couple.
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Yeah, Jeff, you know there was.
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there was a couple, so he was there for one of my embarrassing moments.
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Well, I thought I thought it was pretty embarrassing when I got my first car.
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You, you and Jeff I was.
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I drove him and we stopped at the gas station.
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Yeah, we stopped at the gas station and it was literally.
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I had just gotten my car that day and I was like I need to get gas, but I didn't know how to put gas in the car.
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Oh, my God.
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And I was like do either one of you know how?
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And Jeff showed me how.
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Really.
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I swear to God, oh my gosh, I didn't even know that.
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Yeah.
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Well, Jeff was definitely always good with stuff like that.
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Well, he was a cool kid, I liked him.
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Yeah, do we give up on adult friendships faster because they're not built in to our routines anymore?
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Yes, I don't even mean to do it on purpose, but I don't know, I can't tell you how many times I'd be like, yeah, for sure We'll, we'll get together, we'll do this, we'll do X, y, z and like, as I'm walking away, I'm like it's never going to happen.
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But I don't mean to to.
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I don't mean like it's never going to happen because of the person I'm leaving and I'm saying to my head it's never going to happen because like, fuck, like it just never happens.
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You know, too busy to this to that, too much stuff going on, no time, no time.
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I.
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I feel like it's not so much maybe giving up on friendships faster as adults.
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I think it's getting to the point of having a really strong friendship.
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That's also a good one.
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Do you know?
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Yeah, like I don't really see a big point in it.
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Like there are some moments where I'm kind of like it'd be nice to have like that dude you know, and I have one.
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I have one that I'm very close to.
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We don't see each other as often as I'd like.
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I could call him tomorrow and I'm pretty sure he would take a bat to someone's head for me, like in a heartbeat.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I don't know if any of my girlfriends would do that.
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So it's nice, you know, I definitely you know like there's definitely we have a bond there.
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You know we went through some similar struggles and again, you know all that kind of common ground stuff, you know, and he's a good guy.
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So I have some really great girls that I know that are, you know, part of my life, that I can go to and kind of, like you know, talk about all kinds of things with Like.
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It's usually like the girls night every couple of months and we all catch up and then we you know, disperse Until we meet up again, kind of thing.
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you know, it is what it is Like.
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I mean, if it was just me like that that wasn't able to get it with and everybody else was getting together all the time, then I would maybe look at it differently.
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Right, I would maybe look at it differently, but I feel like it's pretty much a consensus at our stage of life that there's a lot of struggling with the friendship thing.
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I read a book recently called Frentimacy and the idea behind it is and I'm totally going to paraphrase but the idea behind it is that people want authentic friendships just like they want authentic relationships like romance partners, right.
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Right.
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But we don't talk about our feelings and our needs and our desires and our wants for a friendship and what we want in that kind of a relationship with our friends, like we would with a romantic partner.
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Hmm, Right, that's so true.
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And if we did more of that, we would actually be surprised at what kind of friendships we could walk away with.
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And probably we don't, because we would be like why are you so weird?
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Well, it's because it's so intimate.
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Why are you telling me that you want, your telling me like you know, like that you want your friend to do this or your partner to do that.
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It's like you know we're not dating exactly so I think I get why people?
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Don't, yeah, because I think people find it to be like that's too much, like whoa, you know, I don't need a friend, a friend that's also demanding yeah do you know what I mean?
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yeah I could see how people might think of that.
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But anyways, it was a really interesting read.
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It didn't make me change anything in my friendship because I was like now I understand why, as we've aged, friendships end up the way that they are because we're not communicating what our needs and wants are within that relationship.
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But nobody's really doing that.
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And everything changes over time.
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For us it does.
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Just like anything Our needs and wants in a company that we work for, et cetera.
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Exactly, and what we want in a friendship now was not what I needed and wanted in a friendship even five years ago.
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Exactly, so yeah.
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Were we more forgiving as kids?
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Last question Hands down we were Well, yeah, I think so.
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Of course, the amount of things that I overlooked or, you know, chose not to, you know make a big deal about with friendships as young, even in my 20s, really God, I think I was a Are things now I'd be twenties, really God.
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I think Are things now I'd be like are you kidding me?
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Fuck you.
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Yeah, I think I was a pushover until like just a couple of years ago.
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So A pushover.
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In what way, though?
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In the way of just letting everything kind of go Ooh, you know.
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So I think Did you let it go and still have a friendship, or did you let it go but leave the friendship behind that?
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There's a difference there, both okay both listen, you know uh, friends, you're my friend what?
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what'd you say?
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I said you're my friend, you're my friend too.
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Would we be friends if we weren't brothers and sisters?
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I?
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I don't think I'd ever fucking see you, so probably not, josh only because of of proximity.
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We're walking through every friendship phase, from grade school to midlife.
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Okay, okay, all right, I'm gonna start us off.
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Which one hurt more getting left out of the sleepover, the play date, the whatever, or being told where we already have enough people for the group project?
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I definitely didn't give a shit.
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Oh, you know what the group project, I guess yeah yeah, because I always had so much difficulty in school.
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So if I could, you know, linger with the good group or something.
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So if they were like we already have people be pretty sad.
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Aww, what about you?
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I'm going to say the getting left out of, like the sleepover or the play date or whatever.
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I actually didn't care about the school stuff as much For me.
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I was like eh, I'd rather work on my own anyway, because you worked yeah.
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Okay, got it yeah.
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Okay, got it yeah.
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All right, my turn.
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Yes.
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All right.
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Which one felt worse, being the emotional support friend who never got invited for to the fun stuff, or your roommate suddenly deciding they needed space halfway through the lease.
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Yes, so, interestingly enough, I've actually been in the situation where my roommate didn't need space but was like, yeah, we're not, this isn't working kind of thing.
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Halfway through the lease been been in that situation not fun, huh no, it's not fun because there's money involved do you know what I mean?
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like that's not that's not.
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Yeah, so that's my choice.
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You yeah same.
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It's happened to me too, so that's not that's not.
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Yeah, so that's my choice, you yeah, same.
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It's happened to me too, so that's probably.
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It's almost like a rite of passage, eh.
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Yeah, kind of is.
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Oh crap, okay, which one makes you spiral faster?
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Getting invited to something last minute Like it's almost like as if it's clearly a backup or being left off the group baby shower or like wedding text thread, but still asked to contribute to the gift.
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Well, that one sounds pretty shitty it does, so I'm going to say that one.
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I was once invited to a bachelorette, but not the wedding.
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It was a friend or a sibling of a friend.
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I didn't take offense to it.
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Honestly, the bachelorette is the most fun part anyway.
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And then you're not, like, forced to buy a wedding gift, so I'll take that.
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Yeah, that's true, got a good point.
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Yeah, okay, this one, I'll finish this off.
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Okay.
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Which one still stings being soft ghosted by someone who used to be your ride or die, or realizing you're the only one still making the effort to stay in touch I guess I'm gonna say the first one shoot, because I'm usually that person.
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So I'd say ride or die.
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I'm usually the one who's not making the effort to stay in touch, so I'm going to say being the soft ghosted by someone, I guess.
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See, I've had both.
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I've had both too.
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But currently I'm living more in the second one, which is being the only one making the effort, and I hate that feeling.
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It makes you feel like you're not important enough.
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You know what I mean.
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All right, our weekly memory fight.
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Okay.
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Josh claims that he did not have a crush on my best friend in high school and I have some things to say about it.
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There was no crush.
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I had a group of four girlfriends in high school.
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I don't even remember that.
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Okay, and at one point they came over to the house.
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Okay.
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Every single time that they did, you followed this one girl around like a little lost puppy.
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What?
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Okay, now, granted, he was like six or seven at the time.
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Okay, oh my God, how am I supposed to remember that?
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Okay, so, six or seven.
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No, but you brought it up the other week.
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No, I guess you did it was.
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It was which friend?
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Are we going to say it out loud?
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I don't know.
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Are you?
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I don't care, I don't mind, I don't care.
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Wait, but do you think I what I like I have a when I was six or seven years old, laura, okay, no, that you teased me when it was way later.
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Okay, I thought it was like you were like seven or six, seven.
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And what do you mean?
00:17:43.031 --> 00:17:45.855
I followed her around, you were following us around all the time.
00:17:45.875 --> 00:17:46.777
You wouldn't leave us alone.
00:17:46.938 --> 00:17:50.103
Well, that sounds like a brother trying to annoy the shit out of you.