Oct. 1, 2025

Friendship Fades: Were 90s Connections Real or Just Convenient?

We dive into the evolution of friendships from childhood to adulthood, questioning whether our 90s connections were genuinely deep or merely convenient based on proximity. Through personal stories and listener questions, we explore how friendship dynamics shift over time and what it takes to maintain meaningful connections when they're no longer built into our daily routines.

• Examining the nature of childhood friendships and how they were largely determined by physical proximity
• Contrasting male and female friendship dynamics - girls shared everything while boys kept emotions guarded
• Discussing how "ride or die" high school friendships naturally evolve as life circumstances change
• Exploring the concept of "Frentimacy" and why we don't communicate our needs in friendships like we do in romantic relationships
• Addressing the painful experience of friendship ghosting and strategies for seeking resolution
• Sharing personal stories of schoolyard bullying and childhood betrayals that shaped our approach to relationships
• Reminiscing about 90s pop culture touchstones that once helped forge our connections


Send us a text

Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever, your no-BS guide through the messy middle!
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence as a GenX/Xennial — please hit subscribe and leave a review. It genuinely helps more unhinged humans find their people.

Keep the Real Talk going:
➡️ Follow @brothersisterwhatever on YouTube for video episodes, Instagram for Reels & rants, and Facebook for community!
📧 realtalkzerochill@gmail.com
🌐 www.brothersisterwhatever.com

🗓 New episodes every other Thursday.
Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.

00:14 - 90s Mystery: Were Friendships Real?

03:28 - Boy vs Girl Friendship Dynamics

07:42 - Adult Friendships and Communication Needs

12:31 - The Friendship Phase Game

18:28 - When Friends Vanish Without Warning

25:05 - Recess Betrayals and Schoolyard Bullies

30:15 - 1995 Pop Culture Rewind

WEBVTT

00:00:14.310 --> 00:00:17.731
okay, so time for this week's 90s mystery.

00:00:17.731 --> 00:00:19.172
You ready for it?

00:00:19.172 --> 00:00:26.338
Were our friendships actually deep back in the 90s, or just convenient?

00:00:26.338 --> 00:00:28.885
And I'll explain why.

00:00:28.885 --> 00:00:32.743
Think about it when we were kids?

00:00:32.743 --> 00:00:36.591
Did you ever travel to go for like a friend to a friend's house?

00:00:36.591 --> 00:00:40.167
No, your friends were in your proximity.

00:00:40.448 --> 00:00:41.390
Yeah, pretty much.

00:00:41.621 --> 00:00:43.328
We went to school and we had our house right Like our neighborhood.

00:00:43.328 --> 00:00:43.829
Yeah, did you make school?

00:00:43.829 --> 00:00:45.637
And we had our house right Like our neighborhood.

00:00:45.978 --> 00:00:46.140
Yeah.

00:00:47.220 --> 00:00:49.329
Did you make friends because you had no other choice?

00:00:50.121 --> 00:00:54.741
I guess it's possible, you know, I mean I was.

00:00:54.741 --> 00:01:00.933
I think I had more friends online in my game than I did, you know.

00:01:00.933 --> 00:01:06.111
So like when the computer first started getting popular like video game wise.

00:01:06.531 --> 00:01:06.953
That's true.

00:01:06.953 --> 00:01:09.789
You were really into online gaming as a teen.

00:01:10.561 --> 00:01:11.121
And then I was.

00:01:11.121 --> 00:01:18.013
You know, I'd say I had more friends over the globe than in real life.

00:01:18.593 --> 00:01:28.432
Okay, and that's because of a shared mutual thing If you were not on the computer, you weren't in touch with these people.

00:01:28.712 --> 00:01:31.266
No, that's what I'm saying, right, yeah.

00:01:31.540 --> 00:01:42.594
Like what like, but at the time, like I remember high school, for example.

00:01:42.975 --> 00:01:43.176
Mm-hmm.

00:01:43.540 --> 00:01:44.603
The friends that I had.

00:01:44.603 --> 00:01:56.081
We're like ride or dies at the time, and then when you kind of finish high school, there are listen, I'm not saying it doesn't happen, Of course.

00:01:56.081 --> 00:02:06.275
I still keep in touch sporadically with at least one really good high school friends, like really great friends at the time.

00:02:06.275 --> 00:02:11.010
Yeah, and we still, you know, send each other memes or whatever every once in a while right.

00:02:11.780 --> 00:02:16.632
But there are others that were my ride or dies in high school that I didn't.

00:02:16.632 --> 00:02:19.165
And why is that?

00:02:19.165 --> 00:02:20.685
Because you go to.

00:02:20.685 --> 00:02:22.310
They went to CSEP, I didn't.

00:02:22.310 --> 00:02:24.330
So we're not in the same proximity anymore.

00:02:24.330 --> 00:02:25.759
True, I had a kid early on're not in the same proximity anymore True.

00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:28.068
I had a kid early on.

00:02:28.068 --> 00:02:32.949
They were single and mingling, singling and mingling Right.

00:02:32.949 --> 00:02:38.444
Very different life experiences at the time, so you kind of drift right yeah.

00:02:38.705 --> 00:02:41.412
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:41.412 --> 00:02:47.830
I mean I don't know In that essence, like what is a friend then?

00:02:47.830 --> 00:02:48.512
I guess?

00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.627
Well, exactly what is a friend?

00:02:52.643 --> 00:02:58.674
So I mean, I guess there has to be some kind of common ground, you know, or else I don't know.

00:02:58.674 --> 00:03:02.581
I guess there's not really a point in being someone's friend.

00:03:02.581 --> 00:03:04.163
There's not really a point in being someone's friend.

00:03:04.163 --> 00:03:10.348
It could be their acquaintance, like you know, you can be polite and be like hi, how's it going?

00:03:10.368 --> 00:03:11.289
Good, good, oh gosh.

00:03:11.289 --> 00:03:16.954
But you can be polite to the clerk at the corner store Like just make it a friendship.

00:03:17.835 --> 00:03:19.856
No, I know, but I'm just saying like.

00:03:19.856 --> 00:03:29.868
So, like you know, the definition of having a friend, I think, is also there's some kind of common ground between you.

00:03:29.868 --> 00:03:31.592
Know the friendship, I think.

00:03:33.094 --> 00:03:39.532
Yeah, like what think of your friends, not the online friends, but your actual physical friends.

00:03:39.532 --> 00:03:39.832
Okay.

00:03:39.853 --> 00:03:39.992
Yeah.

00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:47.533
What made you back in the day, back in the 90s, high school-ish, what made you feel close to that person?

00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:49.265
When we'd play sports together.

00:03:49.961 --> 00:03:52.414
So common ground, mm-hmm.

00:03:52.414 --> 00:04:02.433
Okay, and if you weren't playing sports or doing whatever that common thing was, did you ever talk about other things?

00:04:02.933 --> 00:04:21.870
Yeah, sure, we talked about video games or other common things nothing like no, no in the 90s I know I mean I was like 12 well, okay, you're more than 12 99 okay, not, well, you're going right to the end.

00:04:21.870 --> 00:04:25.327
Well, of course, okay, because that's when you were in high school 99.

00:04:25.327 --> 00:04:27.959
Yeah, I wasn't having deep conversations with anyone.

00:04:27.978 --> 00:04:29.985
No, not even like this is my crush or anything.

00:04:29.985 --> 00:04:30.627
Is that different?

00:04:30.627 --> 00:04:34.336
Is it different Friendship with boy friendships and girl friendships?

00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:36.226
We don't talk about crushes.

00:04:37.182 --> 00:04:39.168
You never told a friend like I like this chick.

00:04:39.548 --> 00:04:40.211
No no.

00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:41.980
Not even like a.

00:04:42.040 --> 00:04:44.721
No, because boys would get teased.

00:04:44.721 --> 00:04:58.307
So if we said like I like that girl, then all of a sudden one guy is telling another guy, and then all the guys, and then they're all saying like yo, josh has a crush on you, or whatever.

00:04:58.307 --> 00:04:59.968
So no, of course not.

00:04:59.968 --> 00:05:01.509
We kept our mouth shut.

00:05:02.050 --> 00:05:02.529
Okay.

00:05:02.529 --> 00:05:11.413
You know, so because as a girl with friends like, we told each other everything Like they had.

00:05:11.413 --> 00:05:17.276
But it's funny because I don't remember ever being scared that my secrets would come out.

00:05:18.197 --> 00:05:20.098
Maybe I had the wrong friends, I don't know.

00:05:23.560 --> 00:05:23.600
No.

00:05:23.620 --> 00:05:25.043
I think it's maybe different too with boys and girls.

00:05:25.043 --> 00:05:33.624
Josh, also, my high school situation was a little different, because my high school situation.

00:05:33.624 --> 00:05:41.274
I left for PEI when I was almost at the end of elementary school.

00:05:41.961 --> 00:05:46.379
And then I came back two grades after in high school, grade eight.

00:05:46.379 --> 00:05:50.906
So all my friends when I came back.

00:05:50.906 --> 00:05:52.610
I'll never forget that.

00:05:52.610 --> 00:05:57.805
Actually, I remember when I came back I saw all my old friends in high school.

00:05:57.805 --> 00:06:02.721
I was like hey, I was like it's josh, you know, and they treated me like they didn't even fucking know me.

00:06:05.144 --> 00:06:07.067
That's heartbreaking, I know.

00:06:07.307 --> 00:06:15.235
I know I'll never forget that I won't say any names because obviously they're all here in Montreal, right, but they know who they are.

00:06:15.235 --> 00:06:19.189
But that was something I have to say.

00:06:19.189 --> 00:06:25.661
I was kind of like man really, just like you know, a few years went by and it's like I come back and it's like who's this fucking loser?

00:06:25.661 --> 00:06:26.483
You?

00:06:26.502 --> 00:06:29.471
know that's so heartbreaking so that.

00:06:29.632 --> 00:06:30.935
So basically I went to.

00:06:30.935 --> 00:06:38.211
I went to high school where all my old friends were there, yeah, but I was making, I had to make new friends.

00:06:38.211 --> 00:06:48.947
Instead, you know, there was only maybe a couple who was like josh, you know, like, oh my God, you know, like Jeff, you know there was there was a couple.

00:06:48.947 --> 00:06:50.322
Yeah, Jeff, you know there was.

00:06:50.343 --> 00:06:54.267
there was a couple, so he was there for one of my embarrassing moments.

00:06:54.267 --> 00:07:00.043
Well, I thought I thought it was pretty embarrassing when I got my first car.

00:07:00.043 --> 00:07:02.288
You, you and Jeff I was.

00:07:02.288 --> 00:07:06.220
I drove him and we stopped at the gas station.

00:07:06.220 --> 00:07:09.141
Yeah, we stopped at the gas station and it was literally.

00:07:09.141 --> 00:07:17.526
I had just gotten my car that day and I was like I need to get gas, but I didn't know how to put gas in the car.

00:07:18.168 --> 00:07:18.831
Oh, my God.

00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:21.468
And I was like do either one of you know how?

00:07:21.468 --> 00:07:22.543
And Jeff showed me how.

00:07:24.069 --> 00:07:24.389
Really.

00:07:24.490 --> 00:07:26.446
I swear to God, oh my gosh, I didn't even know that.

00:07:26.446 --> 00:07:26.807
Yeah.

00:07:27.379 --> 00:07:29.709
Well, Jeff was definitely always good with stuff like that.

00:07:30.461 --> 00:07:32.047
Well, he was a cool kid, I liked him.

00:07:32.047 --> 00:07:39.132
Yeah, do we give up on adult friendships faster because they're not built in to our routines anymore?

00:07:40.153 --> 00:07:53.850
Yes, I don't even mean to do it on purpose, but I don't know, I can't tell you how many times I'd be like, yeah, for sure We'll, we'll get together, we'll do this, we'll do X, y, z and like, as I'm walking away, I'm like it's never going to happen.

00:07:53.850 --> 00:07:57.521
But I don't mean to to.

00:07:57.521 --> 00:08:06.771
I don't mean like it's never going to happen because of the person I'm leaving and I'm saying to my head it's never going to happen because like, fuck, like it just never happens.

00:08:06.771 --> 00:08:13.004
You know, too busy to this to that, too much stuff going on, no time, no time.

00:08:13.504 --> 00:08:13.625
I.

00:08:13.625 --> 00:08:20.160
I feel like it's not so much maybe giving up on friendships faster as adults.

00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:26.699
I think it's getting to the point of having a really strong friendship.

00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:28.024
That's also a good one.

00:08:28.326 --> 00:08:28.807
Do you know?

00:08:29.300 --> 00:08:31.307
Yeah, like I don't really see a big point in it.

00:08:31.307 --> 00:08:37.664
Like there are some moments where I'm kind of like it'd be nice to have like that dude you know, and I have one.

00:08:37.664 --> 00:08:39.166
I have one that I'm very close to.

00:08:39.166 --> 00:08:41.327
We don't see each other as often as I'd like.

00:08:41.327 --> 00:08:49.990
I could call him tomorrow and I'm pretty sure he would take a bat to someone's head for me, like in a heartbeat.

00:08:49.990 --> 00:08:50.410
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:50.471 --> 00:08:53.645
I don't know if any of my girlfriends would do that.

00:08:53.785 --> 00:08:58.283
So it's nice, you know, I definitely you know like there's definitely we have a bond there.

00:08:58.283 --> 00:09:06.832
You know we went through some similar struggles and again, you know all that kind of common ground stuff, you know, and he's a good guy.

00:09:07.139 --> 00:09:19.250
So I have some really great girls that I know that are, you know, part of my life, that I can go to and kind of, like you know, talk about all kinds of things with Like.

00:09:19.250 --> 00:09:29.126
It's usually like the girls night every couple of months and we all catch up and then we you know, disperse Until we meet up again, kind of thing.

00:09:29.227 --> 00:09:32.201
you know, it is what it is Like.

00:09:32.201 --> 00:09:41.815
I mean, if it was just me like that that wasn't able to get it with and everybody else was getting together all the time, then I would maybe look at it differently.

00:09:42.059 --> 00:09:52.652
Right, I would maybe look at it differently, but I feel like it's pretty much a consensus at our stage of life that there's a lot of struggling with the friendship thing.

00:09:52.652 --> 00:10:09.857
I read a book recently called Frentimacy and the idea behind it is and I'm totally going to paraphrase but the idea behind it is that people want authentic friendships just like they want authentic relationships like romance partners, right.

00:10:10.099 --> 00:10:10.259
Right.

00:10:10.539 --> 00:10:26.292
But we don't talk about our feelings and our needs and our desires and our wants for a friendship and what we want in that kind of a relationship with our friends, like we would with a romantic partner.

00:10:26.432 --> 00:10:27.835
Hmm, Right, that's so true.

00:10:28.321 --> 00:10:36.033
And if we did more of that, we would actually be surprised at what kind of friendships we could walk away with.

00:10:36.139 --> 00:10:40.051
And probably we don't, because we would be like why are you so weird?

00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:42.477
Well, it's because it's so intimate.

00:10:42.779 --> 00:10:48.125
Why are you telling me that you want, your telling me like you know, like that you want your friend to do this or your partner to do that.

00:10:48.125 --> 00:10:52.842
It's like you know we're not dating exactly so I think I get why people?

00:10:52.842 --> 00:11:02.919
Don't, yeah, because I think people find it to be like that's too much, like whoa, you know, I don't need a friend, a friend that's also demanding yeah do you know what I mean?

00:11:03.260 --> 00:11:05.587
yeah I could see how people might think of that.

00:11:05.587 --> 00:11:08.005
But anyways, it was a really interesting read.

00:11:08.005 --> 00:11:25.059
It didn't make me change anything in my friendship because I was like now I understand why, as we've aged, friendships end up the way that they are because we're not communicating what our needs and wants are within that relationship.

00:11:25.059 --> 00:11:28.129
But nobody's really doing that.

00:11:28.379 --> 00:11:30.110
And everything changes over time.

00:11:30.149 --> 00:11:30.753
For us it does.

00:11:31.154 --> 00:11:35.769
Just like anything Our needs and wants in a company that we work for, et cetera.

00:11:35.971 --> 00:11:41.149
Exactly, and what we want in a friendship now was not what I needed and wanted in a friendship even five years ago.

00:11:41.370 --> 00:11:42.653
Exactly, so yeah.

00:11:43.640 --> 00:11:45.086
Were we more forgiving as kids?

00:11:45.086 --> 00:11:50.509
Last question Hands down we were Well, yeah, I think so.

00:11:50.509 --> 00:12:04.899
Of course, the amount of things that I overlooked or, you know, chose not to, you know make a big deal about with friendships as young, even in my 20s, really God, I think I was a Are things now I'd be twenties, really God.

00:12:04.899 --> 00:12:07.706
I think Are things now I'd be like are you kidding me?

00:12:07.706 --> 00:12:08.249
Fuck you.

00:12:08.610 --> 00:12:11.366
Yeah, I think I was a pushover until like just a couple of years ago.

00:12:13.010 --> 00:12:14.602
So A pushover.

00:12:14.602 --> 00:12:15.285
In what way, though?

00:12:16.760 --> 00:12:21.351
In the way of just letting everything kind of go Ooh, you know.

00:12:21.961 --> 00:12:28.201
So I think Did you let it go and still have a friendship, or did you let it go but leave the friendship behind that?

00:12:28.201 --> 00:12:41.200
There's a difference there, both okay both listen, you know uh, friends, you're my friend what?

00:12:44.267 --> 00:12:44.847
what'd you say?

00:12:44.847 --> 00:12:47.092
I said you're my friend, you're my friend too.

00:12:47.092 --> 00:12:50.246
Would we be friends if we weren't brothers and sisters?

00:12:51.308 --> 00:12:51.389
I?

00:12:51.389 --> 00:12:59.159
I don't think I'd ever fucking see you, so probably not, josh only because of of proximity.

00:12:59.159 --> 00:13:06.953
We're walking through every friendship phase, from grade school to midlife.

00:13:06.953 --> 00:13:09.967
Okay, okay, all right, I'm gonna start us off.

00:13:09.967 --> 00:13:22.129
Which one hurt more getting left out of the sleepover, the play date, the whatever, or being told where we already have enough people for the group project?

00:13:23.772 --> 00:13:25.333
I definitely didn't give a shit.

00:13:25.333 --> 00:13:33.793
Oh, you know what the group project, I guess yeah yeah, because I always had so much difficulty in school.

00:13:33.793 --> 00:13:38.562
So if I could, you know, linger with the good group or something.

00:13:38.562 --> 00:13:41.725
So if they were like we already have people be pretty sad.

00:13:41.725 --> 00:13:44.368
Aww, what about you?

00:13:45.587 --> 00:13:53.313
I'm going to say the getting left out of, like the sleepover or the play date or whatever.

00:13:53.313 --> 00:14:00.741
I actually didn't care about the school stuff as much For me.

00:14:00.763 --> 00:14:04.179
I was like eh, I'd rather work on my own anyway, because you worked yeah.

00:14:04.179 --> 00:14:06.544
Okay, got it yeah.

00:14:06.725 --> 00:14:07.086
Okay, got it yeah.

00:14:07.967 --> 00:14:09.009
All right, my turn.

00:14:09.130 --> 00:14:09.331
Yes.

00:14:09.912 --> 00:14:10.173
All right.

00:14:10.173 --> 00:14:22.683
Which one felt worse, being the emotional support friend who never got invited for to the fun stuff, or your roommate suddenly deciding they needed space halfway through the lease.

00:14:22.725 --> 00:14:34.772
Yes, so, interestingly enough, I've actually been in the situation where my roommate didn't need space but was like, yeah, we're not, this isn't working kind of thing.

00:14:34.772 --> 00:14:42.644
Halfway through the lease been been in that situation not fun, huh no, it's not fun because there's money involved do you know what I mean?

00:14:42.703 --> 00:14:44.187
like that's not that's not.

00:14:44.207 --> 00:14:44.850
Yeah, so that's my choice.

00:14:44.850 --> 00:14:45.129
You yeah same.

00:14:45.129 --> 00:14:47.235
It's happened to me too, so that's not that's not.

00:14:47.275 --> 00:14:48.960
Yeah, so that's my choice, you yeah, same.

00:14:48.960 --> 00:14:51.849
It's happened to me too, so that's probably.

00:14:52.791 --> 00:14:54.316
It's almost like a rite of passage, eh.

00:14:54.697 --> 00:14:55.578
Yeah, kind of is.

00:14:56.642 --> 00:14:59.489
Oh crap, okay, which one makes you spiral faster?

00:14:59.489 --> 00:15:14.559
Getting invited to something last minute Like it's almost like as if it's clearly a backup or being left off the group baby shower or like wedding text thread, but still asked to contribute to the gift.

00:15:15.345 --> 00:15:18.870
Well, that one sounds pretty shitty it does, so I'm going to say that one.

00:15:19.785 --> 00:15:22.676
I was once invited to a bachelorette, but not the wedding.

00:15:22.676 --> 00:15:27.115
It was a friend or a sibling of a friend.

00:15:27.115 --> 00:15:28.890
I didn't take offense to it.

00:15:28.890 --> 00:15:32.333
Honestly, the bachelorette is the most fun part anyway.

00:15:32.333 --> 00:15:38.695
And then you're not, like, forced to buy a wedding gift, so I'll take that.

00:15:39.355 --> 00:15:40.859
Yeah, that's true, got a good point.

00:15:41.038 --> 00:15:43.572
Yeah, okay, this one, I'll finish this off.

00:15:43.812 --> 00:15:43.952
Okay.

00:15:44.166 --> 00:16:04.850
Which one still stings being soft ghosted by someone who used to be your ride or die, or realizing you're the only one still making the effort to stay in touch I guess I'm gonna say the first one shoot, because I'm usually that person.

00:16:04.850 --> 00:16:07.575
So I'd say ride or die.

00:16:08.235 --> 00:16:17.577
I'm usually the one who's not making the effort to stay in touch, so I'm going to say being the soft ghosted by someone, I guess.

00:16:19.125 --> 00:16:21.514
See, I've had both.

00:16:23.466 --> 00:16:24.129
I've had both too.

00:16:24.525 --> 00:16:33.350
But currently I'm living more in the second one, which is being the only one making the effort, and I hate that feeling.

00:16:33.350 --> 00:16:37.633
It makes you feel like you're not important enough.

00:16:37.633 --> 00:16:39.096
You know what I mean.

00:16:39.096 --> 00:16:42.269
All right, our weekly memory fight.

00:16:42.731 --> 00:16:43.092
Okay.

00:16:43.985 --> 00:16:52.511
Josh claims that he did not have a crush on my best friend in high school and I have some things to say about it.

00:16:52.765 --> 00:16:53.789
There was no crush.

00:16:54.725 --> 00:16:57.836
I had a group of four girlfriends in high school.

00:16:58.346 --> 00:16:59.330
I don't even remember that.

00:16:59.571 --> 00:17:03.682
Okay, and at one point they came over to the house.

00:17:03.984 --> 00:17:04.184
Okay.

00:17:04.586 --> 00:17:09.967
Every single time that they did, you followed this one girl around like a little lost puppy.

00:17:09.967 --> 00:17:11.050
What?

00:17:11.050 --> 00:17:14.300
Okay, now, granted, he was like six or seven at the time.

00:17:14.320 --> 00:17:16.847
Okay, oh my God, how am I supposed to remember that?

00:17:16.847 --> 00:17:18.893
Okay, so, six or seven.

00:17:18.992 --> 00:17:20.497
No, but you brought it up the other week.

00:17:20.924 --> 00:17:22.729
No, I guess you did it was.

00:17:22.729 --> 00:17:23.611
It was which friend?

00:17:25.394 --> 00:17:26.576
Are we going to say it out loud?

00:17:26.738 --> 00:17:27.117
I don't know.

00:17:28.644 --> 00:17:28.826
Are you?

00:17:28.986 --> 00:17:30.349
I don't care, I don't mind, I don't care.

00:17:30.349 --> 00:17:37.935
Wait, but do you think I what I like I have a when I was six or seven years old, laura, okay, no, that you teased me when it was way later.

00:17:38.317 --> 00:17:42.550
Okay, I thought it was like you were like seven or six, seven.

00:17:42.570 --> 00:17:43.031
And what do you mean?

00:17:43.031 --> 00:17:45.855
I followed her around, you were following us around all the time.

00:17:45.875 --> 00:17:46.777
You wouldn't leave us alone.

00:17:46.938 --> 00:17:50.103
Well, that sounds like a brother trying to annoy the shit out of you.

00:17:50.103 --> 00:17:52.709
Exactly, that doesn't sound like a crush, and so guess what we did.

00:17:53.471 --> 00:17:54.253
Guess what we did.

00:17:54.615 --> 00:17:54.815
What.

00:17:54.884 --> 00:17:56.632
The secret, the truth is coming out.

00:17:56.632 --> 00:18:04.138
We created a ruse, a lie, to bug you about having a crush on her, even though we knew you didn't.

00:18:04.138 --> 00:18:09.817
Mm-hmm, I see, I see and then it comes out, like you know, 30 years later.

00:18:10.726 --> 00:18:14.134
Good to know, because I'm still in therapy for this, by the way.

00:18:14.434 --> 00:18:15.237
Give me a break.

00:18:16.484 --> 00:18:17.790
Traumatized your own brother.

00:18:17.790 --> 00:18:24.270
I specifically remember you teasing me once and that clearly lasted.

00:18:25.173 --> 00:18:25.794
Clearly.

00:18:25.794 --> 00:18:28.912
All right, let's open the inbox.

00:18:28.912 --> 00:18:40.096
This week's letter comes from someone dealing with something way too relatable when a friend just fades out without warning and you're left wondering if it was even a friendship to begin with.

00:18:40.096 --> 00:18:41.925
Do you want to read it or do you want me to?

00:18:42.205 --> 00:18:42.626
I'll read it.

00:18:42.626 --> 00:18:43.327
Go ahead.

00:18:43.327 --> 00:18:53.596
So, dear sibling whatever Okay, sorry, dear sibling whatever A friend I've known for almost 15 years just disappeared.

00:18:53.596 --> 00:18:57.675
No fight, no falling out, no dramatic moment.

00:18:57.675 --> 00:19:05.034
She just slowly stopped replying, stopped including me in plans and now we haven't spoken in months.

00:19:05.034 --> 00:19:13.874
I will see her out with other friends dinners, trips, even a birthday, even a birthday I didn't know about.

00:19:13.874 --> 00:19:18.971
I've sent the hey miss you texts, I've tried the gentle check-ins.

00:19:18.971 --> 00:19:21.773
Nothing pushy, just silence.

00:19:21.773 --> 00:19:29.231
And honestly, I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel Angry, sad, embarrassed.

00:19:29.231 --> 00:19:31.833
Mostly, I feel just awkward.

00:19:31.833 --> 00:19:35.174
How do you even process a friendship that ends without a conversation?

00:19:35.174 --> 00:19:42.333
Do I reach out again or do I take the hint and move on like an adult, still wondering what I did wrong?

00:19:43.365 --> 00:19:45.490
Clearly the friendship means something to you.

00:19:45.490 --> 00:19:50.894
If you're wondering about it a few months later, right and kind of feeling the feels.

00:19:50.894 --> 00:20:08.952
So my piece of advice would be to reach out to the person, but not a hey, I miss you, like actually call, talk to them, ask them out for a coffee or a lunch date or something, and then have a conversation.

00:20:08.952 --> 00:20:16.553
Have a conversation like I miss you and I just would like to reconnect again.

00:20:16.553 --> 00:20:24.196
It doesn't have to be anything so dramatic, but sometimes just saying what you feel.

00:20:24.196 --> 00:20:32.112
Maybe there was a miscommunication along the way that neither one of them is really sure about.

00:20:32.413 --> 00:20:32.673
Yeah.

00:20:32.673 --> 00:20:35.625
You know, yeah, it's very true.

00:20:35.625 --> 00:20:37.109
It's very true.

00:20:37.109 --> 00:20:39.276
I mean 15 years.

00:20:39.625 --> 00:20:39.946
I know.

00:20:42.759 --> 00:20:46.119
I had a friend to go with this story.

00:20:46.119 --> 00:20:56.851
I had a friend that kind of same thing happened, just kind of disappeared in a way, still like common friends on Facebook.

00:20:56.851 --> 00:21:03.095
But I was removed, you know so, and you know I was always kind of like it's weird, you know.

00:21:03.095 --> 00:21:05.178
So I actually reached out recently.

00:21:05.701 --> 00:21:06.244
Oh and.

00:21:07.067 --> 00:21:21.550
And I just said like hey, you know, like I don't know if maybe I did something a long-ass time ago and I have no idea what it was, but if I did, for whatever it's worth, you know, I apologize, like whatever you know, and like I leave it at that.

00:21:21.550 --> 00:21:33.211
Whether the person is going to look at it, not look at it, you know, I, I I just you know, I felt like the inclination, for whatever reason to do it, you know.

00:21:33.231 --> 00:21:58.280
But this story I mean to be honest with you, this person that's saying this, that's that's writing this letter, we don't know if this person is a girl or a boy and and for me I understand, for some people that might mean nothing, for me it kind of means something, because I understand that they it's a 15-year friendship and now apparently there's no more.

00:21:58.280 --> 00:22:04.015
But I mean, there could be so many ways that this thing could go.

00:22:04.015 --> 00:22:15.313
For example, if it's opposite sexes, and then the other friend met someone and that got very serious and for some reason there was a red flag with that person where they're like, like why is?

00:22:15.313 --> 00:22:19.940
And you're like, oh, this is like you know, my best friend and it's like you know, or whatever.

00:22:19.940 --> 00:22:23.210
And then, like you know, texting, like hey, miss you text.

00:22:23.210 --> 00:22:32.611
So is that like hey, miss you, like to your you know opposite sex and like that person is now having with someone.

00:22:32.611 --> 00:22:36.556
Or is it like a friend where it's like the same sex, like I don't know?

00:22:36.556 --> 00:22:38.826
I feel like sometimes it could get mixed up.

00:22:39.328 --> 00:22:39.650
Okay.

00:22:39.740 --> 00:22:46.710
You know, which is why you know because hey miss you is perfectly fine for the opposite sex to send that to.

00:22:46.710 --> 00:22:57.422
What I'm saying, though, is that, from the other person's perspective, in that relationship he's with you, let's say, and that text pops up, and they're like hey miss you.

00:22:57.422 --> 00:22:59.465
You know like what's that.

00:22:59.465 --> 00:23:05.403
Or you know, and it's like oh, you know, it's just my best friend 15 years.

00:23:05.403 --> 00:23:08.191
And you're like yeah, okay, you know like so.

00:23:08.191 --> 00:23:14.928
So I feel like forget the texting, just call and talk to the person yeah and be like you know.

00:23:15.067 --> 00:23:18.055
I realize that, like xyz, this happened.

00:23:18.055 --> 00:23:20.006
You know you, you know is it.

00:23:20.006 --> 00:23:21.471
Does it have something to do with that?

00:23:21.471 --> 00:23:23.218
Do you just not like me anymore?

00:23:23.218 --> 00:23:24.201
That's fine too.

00:23:24.201 --> 00:23:26.726
Have we just kind of gone our own ways?

00:23:26.726 --> 00:23:32.644
And a lot of the times, you know, people are just in their own head so you know people.

00:23:32.806 --> 00:23:43.061
People are just like oh man, look, it wasn't, it wasn't even you, it was me, you know I just I'm going a different direction, you know, and I know there's some people that can't handle that.

00:23:43.061 --> 00:23:46.547
You know, like, I used to be one of those people.

00:23:46.547 --> 00:23:48.329
Now I don't give a shit.

00:23:48.329 --> 00:23:50.594
But but you know, before it's like what do you mean?

00:23:50.594 --> 00:23:53.185
You don't like me, you know, or like what do you mean?

00:23:53.185 --> 00:23:57.539
You know I'm, you know I'm perfect, yeah, you know, or whatever.

00:23:57.539 --> 00:24:24.415
So I think, understanding that it's okay to not be liked, it's okay for someone to fall out of love or friendship or whatever with you, and you know, if they don't want it with you anymore, then you begging or trying to fight, for it sounds a little eh.

00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:29.329
I think a little bit of resolution, at least asking a question.

00:24:29.911 --> 00:24:35.042
Sure yeah, but you might not get the answer no no, exactly, and understand that.

00:24:35.042 --> 00:24:40.673
You know when you're writing that that if you don't get the answer, that's okay too.

00:24:40.673 --> 00:24:43.268
You have to truly believe that.

00:24:43.608 --> 00:24:43.789
Yeah.

00:24:43.960 --> 00:24:44.983
Or else you'll go crazy.

00:24:45.305 --> 00:24:46.930
Yeah, no, for sure.

00:24:46.930 --> 00:24:50.628
Sometimes you just don't get the resolution that you want, right.

00:24:50.910 --> 00:24:51.131
Mm-hmm.

00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:59.054
And it stings and it's not the most fun experience to go through that, but it is.

00:24:59.861 --> 00:25:00.605
It is what it is.

00:25:00.779 --> 00:25:02.066
Yeah for sure.

00:25:02.066 --> 00:25:05.968
Okay, buckle up, guys.

00:25:05.968 --> 00:25:14.730
It is time to roast our childhood wounds Today, the recess betrayal that still haunts me.

00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:17.607
Okay, I'm going to tell you a little story.

00:25:17.607 --> 00:25:20.179
Story time by Lisa.

00:25:20.179 --> 00:25:36.086
I was in sixth grade and I was getting bullied by this one girl in class, helen, okay, and she was always like every single day.

00:25:36.086 --> 00:25:37.269
It was like without fail.

00:25:37.269 --> 00:25:39.212
I don't know what this chick's problem with me was.

00:25:39.212 --> 00:25:43.327
Honestly, I was like the quiet one, you know, like I didn't bother anybody.

00:25:43.407 --> 00:25:44.330
That's probably the problem.

00:25:44.351 --> 00:25:45.093
That's probably it.

00:25:45.093 --> 00:25:53.522
The problem, that's probably it.

00:25:53.522 --> 00:25:56.653
And I had one really good friend that I hung out with, like during recess and whatever, because she was in the other sixth grade class.

00:25:56.653 --> 00:26:03.491
And one recess she came up to me, she dragged me because we had to stay kind of like similar to what it is now.

00:26:03.491 --> 00:26:07.140
There was like sections of the schoolyard and we had to stay in a certain section.

00:26:07.140 --> 00:26:23.824
There was like sections of the schoolyard and we had to stay in a certain section and she took me around the corner really quick and said Helen and her gang had told her that if she wanted to be a part of the group, of their group, she couldn't hang out with me, she couldn't be friends with me.

00:26:24.767 --> 00:26:44.750
I know and I remember being totally crushed by this, but yet at the same time I kind of felt like I got you, like I understood where she was coming from, which is, I feel, kind of mature.

00:26:44.750 --> 00:26:46.810
I was put in the same circumstance.

00:26:46.810 --> 00:26:51.794
I don't know if I would do it any differently, right, but yeah.

00:26:51.794 --> 00:26:56.757
So then I didn't have anybody for recess and lunch I just like sat on the step.

00:26:57.497 --> 00:26:58.958
Oh yeah, that sucks.

00:26:59.278 --> 00:27:03.300
I know it was really like it's.

00:27:03.320 --> 00:27:06.246
it clearly scarred me, but did you hang out with that friend, at least out of school?

00:27:06.326 --> 00:27:06.605
Yes.

00:27:06.625 --> 00:27:07.448
OK.

00:27:07.548 --> 00:27:10.653
But that in and of itself is kind of weird, don't you think?

00:27:10.873 --> 00:27:11.134
Yeah, a little.

00:27:11.153 --> 00:27:12.194
It's like having secret friends.

00:27:12.194 --> 00:27:14.412
But what else do you expect from kids?

00:27:14.412 --> 00:27:14.713
You know.

00:27:14.894 --> 00:27:15.740
You do weird shit.

00:27:15.740 --> 00:27:20.003
I guess it's nice that she actually took you to the side.

00:27:20.464 --> 00:27:21.185
I know right.

00:27:21.266 --> 00:27:22.186
And said something.

00:27:22.186 --> 00:27:29.554
You know I feel like a lot of kids would just be like sure, I won't talk to that person again, and then that's it, and then you're ghosted, and then you're even more upset.

00:27:29.554 --> 00:27:30.635
Yeah, you're like what the hell?

00:27:30.715 --> 00:27:31.036
Yeah.

00:27:31.036 --> 00:27:36.836
You know, Then you find out 15 years later that they they were bullied too, or whatever right.

00:27:36.836 --> 00:27:37.299
Yeah, who knows?

00:27:38.300 --> 00:27:39.404
But yeah, this little.

00:27:40.460 --> 00:27:42.828
There was a lot of incidents with her.

00:27:42.828 --> 00:27:45.746
She was not very nice.

00:27:45.746 --> 00:27:49.791
Maybe we should get an apology.

00:27:49.791 --> 00:27:51.546
Yeah, if only I knew you could find her online.

00:27:52.621 --> 00:27:55.804
Guys, if you all know a Helen, I don't even know her last name.

00:27:55.804 --> 00:27:57.269
How old are you now?

00:27:57.780 --> 00:27:59.567
Oh my God, I'm like 47.

00:27:59.740 --> 00:28:05.271
So, Helens, if you're out there, 47 years of age, and you went to what?

00:28:05.311 --> 00:28:06.433
Barkley Elementary.

00:28:06.740 --> 00:28:07.865
Barkley Elementary.

00:28:07.865 --> 00:28:10.346
Oh fuck, I got bullied at that school so bad.

00:28:10.346 --> 00:28:13.461
Oh my God Fuck.

00:28:13.461 --> 00:28:18.252
Barkley Elementary School FYI Okay, god, that school.

00:28:18.252 --> 00:28:21.851
You just gave me fucking whiplash trauma just by saying the name.

00:28:22.660 --> 00:28:25.426
They used to call me Lisa the Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner.

00:28:26.008 --> 00:28:26.288
What.

00:28:26.630 --> 00:28:34.982
I know it doesn't even make sense, Like how could that even be insulting?

00:28:34.982 --> 00:28:35.324
You know what I?

00:28:35.344 --> 00:28:36.106
mean, but I was like truly insulted.

00:28:36.106 --> 00:28:37.371
Oh my God, I know they were like really mean to me.

00:28:37.371 --> 00:28:44.163
I don't think I had a nickname, but oh man, did I get tossed around, but I would get hit so many times.

00:28:44.202 --> 00:28:45.063
You got hit.

00:28:45.563 --> 00:28:48.766
Well, yeah, that's what boys do you got hit.

00:28:48.786 --> 00:28:49.705
Well, yeah, that's what boys do.

00:28:49.766 --> 00:28:50.186
I didn't know that.

00:28:50.186 --> 00:28:50.567
Yeah, oh my God.

00:28:50.567 --> 00:28:54.689
Yeah, those fucking kids were brutal Every time.

00:28:54.689 --> 00:28:59.712
And you know you'd think you would just, josh, like why you keep going down the fucking.

00:28:59.712 --> 00:29:04.496
But it's like when you're a kid and you're that young there's only one section.

00:29:04.496 --> 00:29:07.498
You know how to get home, or so you have to go.

00:29:07.498 --> 00:29:16.905
That Well, we always took that alleyway home, and so they would wait because they knew that I would come down that alleyway what assholes and as I bike by they would hit me in the face.

00:29:16.905 --> 00:29:18.509
Yeah, yeah.

00:29:19.090 --> 00:29:20.153
Did you ever tell mom and dad?

00:29:20.333 --> 00:29:22.980
No, never told mom and dad.

00:29:22.980 --> 00:29:38.984
Oh my God, every time at basketball if my basketball would hit one of the kids because it would bounce off the rim or whatever, but the kid would wait under the net on purpose, of course.

00:29:39.005 --> 00:29:45.671
So then it would hit him and he said you have two choices I roof your ball, so I throw the basketball over the roof.

00:29:45.671 --> 00:29:50.426
That was a big punishment back in our day or I hit you in the face.

00:29:50.426 --> 00:29:56.191
And so I always said I hit me in the face because if I go home without the basketball, dad will kill me.

00:29:56.251 --> 00:29:56.511
Yeah.

00:29:56.893 --> 00:29:58.826
Yeah, so you see it's funny.

00:29:58.826 --> 00:30:00.626
I remember that kind of stuff.

00:30:00.626 --> 00:30:04.229
You know all the traumatic events.

00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:10.809
Listen, man, if I could go back and be a good big sister and go and beat up some of those kids.

00:30:10.849 --> 00:30:14.214
For you, I would Just saying Thank you.

00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:20.007
Let's rewind to 1995, josh for a pop culture rewind.

00:30:20.007 --> 00:30:21.930
Do you remember 95?

00:30:21.930 --> 00:30:24.173
Gangster's Paradise?

00:30:24.173 --> 00:30:24.934
You got to remember that.

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:26.767
Definitely remember Gangster's Paradise by.

00:30:26.807 --> 00:30:27.288
Coolio.

00:30:27.288 --> 00:30:29.885
I still know every single lyric.

00:30:29.905 --> 00:30:33.925
Oh man, clueless, I remember Clueless.

00:30:34.180 --> 00:30:37.209
Clueless Boy Meets World was part of the TGIF.

00:30:37.589 --> 00:30:38.010
Friends.

00:30:38.359 --> 00:30:43.392
Friends, wow and ER that's true ER.

00:30:43.451 --> 00:30:43.952
I was never.

00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:46.586
No, but you were still like 11.

00:30:46.586 --> 00:30:48.592
I was like late teens.

00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:49.965
I think I liked Friends though.

00:30:50.380 --> 00:30:53.563
George Clooney, Friends was good.

00:30:53.563 --> 00:30:54.624
Yes, Friends was really good.

00:30:54.624 --> 00:30:57.287
Let's see Beanie Babies again.

00:30:57.287 --> 00:31:04.835
Was still looming around Butterfly Clips, Mood Rings, but you know what I was really?

00:31:04.835 --> 00:31:06.096
Oh, do you remember Giga Pets?

00:31:07.280 --> 00:31:09.327
Oh, yes, I still have them.

00:31:09.528 --> 00:31:11.744
Oh, yeah, of course they brought them back though.

00:31:11.744 --> 00:31:19.631
Yeah yeah, but I remember, like for myself, it was all grunge era, alternative music and stuff.

00:31:19.631 --> 00:31:22.214
That was my thing, yeah.

00:31:22.214 --> 00:31:28.987
It was so funny, like the way we dressed was so opposite yeah it's true, you with the grunge you with the rap.

00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:31.445
Yeah, I was like, totally like gangsta.

00:31:31.685 --> 00:31:34.153
Gangsta style the Macarena.

00:31:35.201 --> 00:31:36.666
Oh my God, the Macarena.

00:31:38.201 --> 00:31:38.904
Can you believe it?

00:31:38.904 --> 00:31:41.925
Three-way phone calls.

00:31:41.925 --> 00:31:44.987
Josh, Do you ever remember doing three-way phone calls?

00:31:46.871 --> 00:31:54.789
Oh, yes, I remember doing a couple of those, because we would always prank, call people oh my God, what was it?

00:31:54.789 --> 00:31:59.067
We did the.

00:31:59.859 --> 00:32:03.067
Star 67 or something that would block your number.

00:32:03.067 --> 00:32:04.951
Oh my God, some of the things that we did.

00:32:05.011 --> 00:32:18.965
Oh my gosh, and do you remember some of the stuff you could find on Napster, like the Indian guy and stuff Like you hit my car or like you remember that and so we would prank, call I was like man, it's so racist.

00:32:18.965 --> 00:32:23.021
Eh, now that I think of it, you know, god, there's so many.

00:32:23.021 --> 00:32:25.164
You know even old TV shows.

00:32:25.164 --> 00:32:31.454
Eh, you notice like how, like so many things we can't say now or do my goodness.

00:32:32.040 --> 00:32:34.247
So it's like politically incorrect Josh.

00:32:34.247 --> 00:32:38.684
Yeah, tell me about it 95 was the year I graduated high school.

00:32:38.684 --> 00:32:44.461
All of my other friends were starting CSEP in the fall, Not me.

00:32:44.461 --> 00:32:48.446
I was like I'm going to take a year off.

00:32:48.446 --> 00:32:52.753
Oh, wow you know, you know that it's like the death of a dream.

00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:58.564
You know, like you're, like I'm taking a year off and you never go back.

00:32:58.564 --> 00:33:02.051
So anytime somebody says oh, I'm taking a year off or I'm taking what are they?

00:33:02.051 --> 00:33:02.732
They called it.

00:33:02.732 --> 00:33:16.334
They called it some sort of a something year, a gap year, a gap year, and I'm like don't, don't do it, Don't do it, Don't think about gap years.

00:33:16.334 --> 00:33:17.295
You'll never go back.

00:33:17.295 --> 00:33:18.715
You'll never go back.

00:33:20.547 --> 00:33:27.003
Yeah, yeah, I think it's.

00:33:27.003 --> 00:33:36.175
Yeah, I'm trying to think of someone that did a gap year and I think now it's so much more common for for gap years and I think people do go back.

00:33:36.175 --> 00:33:38.945
I think, like I don't know, like they're more organized now or something.

00:33:38.945 --> 00:34:01.364
I don't know what it is, or like I, you know, I've heard some like where you know they took a gap year and they traveled and then they come back and they go back to school and I'm just like geez well, those are people with motivation yeah, I guess yeah yeah, it's something I clearly lacked and clearly they don't have to make money if they're just traveling everywhere, exactly, and then they come back and then they go back to school, exactly.

00:34:01.463 --> 00:34:12.981
I didn't have, we didn't have that, uh, no, that option no, not at all that that would technically be a pretty easy way to have a gap year, Like you know what I mean.

00:34:12.981 --> 00:34:16.650
Like if everything was paid for, it'd probably be way easier to go back.

00:34:17.101 --> 00:34:19.108
Of course, right, yeah, yeah, of course.