Oct. 16, 2025

Family Dynamics: Golden Child vs. Scapegoat

We unpack the family roles we never asked for and why Gen X kids grew up in what was essentially a live-in social experiment, exploring how birth order impacts everything from our place in the family to our adult relationships.

• Birth order significantly impacts family dynamics, with oldest children "paving the way" and younger siblings often enjoying more relaxed rules
• Age gaps between siblings create entirely different childhood experiences—larger gaps can make siblings feel like they grew up in different families
• Family connections often strengthen in middle age as we realize time with parents is limited
• The golden child versus scapegoat dynamic can persist into adulthood, causing lasting pain even in our 40s
• Parenting styles have evolved from physical punishment to privilege removal and positive reinforcement
• 90s cultural touchpoints like Boyz II Men, Achy Breaky Heart, and Super Nintendo created rare moments of connection between siblings

Whether you're the rule follower or the rebel, we're here to say you're absolutely right to be mad about that thing from 1993. Keep watching, because there's plenty more dysfunction where that came from!


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Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.

00:00 - The Family Roles We Never Asked For

02:15 - 90s Debate: Birth Order and Sibling Dynamics

08:10 - This or That: Sibling Edition

15:05 - Dear Siblings: Fighting the Golden Child Curse

21:50 - Why Are We Like This: Parenting Styles Then and Now

27:15 - Pop Culture Rewind: 1995

WEBVTT

00:00:01.002 --> 00:00:05.713
You ever notice your sibling getting praised for the exact thing that you got in trouble for?

00:00:06.660 --> 00:00:09.589
Yeah, and somehow you were the one who needs to let it go.

00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:21.373
Today we're unpacking the family roles we never asked for Golden child scapegoat, forgotten middle, and why Gen X kids basically grew up in a live-in social experiment.

00:00:21.373 --> 00:00:33.481
We'll also settle a flashback Friday debate answer a sibling advice letter that's honestly heartbreaking and try to figure out who had it worse the rule follower or the rebel.

00:00:34.283 --> 00:00:37.713
We'll be rewinding to when I was the golden child.

00:00:37.713 --> 00:00:44.767
Lisa was barely holding it together, and Jurassic Park wasn't the only place someone was getting emotionally eaten alive.

00:00:45.048 --> 00:00:47.612
Well, if you've ever been told to, just let it go.

00:00:47.612 --> 00:00:55.975
Keep watching, because we're here to say nope, you are absolutely right to be mad about that thing from 1993.

00:00:55.975 --> 00:00:57.899
Let's go.

00:00:57.899 --> 00:01:19.102
Welcome to the 90s mystery.

00:01:19.102 --> 00:01:22.787
The big question, josh, is did birth order actually decide your fate in the family, or is it just what therapists want us to believe?

00:01:22.787 --> 00:01:35.263
So it's pretty simple in our family, youngest, oldest, I think- compared to you, like my mom, yeah, like one of 17 there.

00:01:35.284 --> 00:01:38.751
A little much in terms of having siblings.

00:01:38.751 --> 00:01:42.549
I barely made it with you, do you know?

00:01:42.969 --> 00:01:44.233
Okay, poor you Huh.

00:01:44.233 --> 00:01:49.084
Oh you had to suffer.

00:01:50.840 --> 00:01:52.105
The oldest paves the way.

00:01:52.105 --> 00:01:55.903
Let's just face it the oldest paves the way.

00:01:55.903 --> 00:02:05.067
Every time I had to go through the shit so that you could just sail on through.

00:02:07.180 --> 00:02:08.082
Do you mean literally?

00:02:08.082 --> 00:02:11.852
Yeah, okay, okay.

00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:24.070
They had to get all of the kinks out with me, and by the time they got to you at that stage, six years later, I was like, eh, been there, done that, it's true.

00:02:24.703 --> 00:02:25.514
It's always easier.

00:02:25.514 --> 00:02:26.120
The second one.

00:02:26.281 --> 00:02:26.981
Always easier.

00:02:26.981 --> 00:02:27.683
The second one.

00:02:28.224 --> 00:02:31.532
Second one's usually a little, you know.

00:02:36.461 --> 00:02:37.865
Yeah, is that what you were aiming for?

00:02:37.865 --> 00:02:38.888
No, no, not really.

00:02:38.948 --> 00:02:43.366
I was gonna say a little bit more brighter.

00:02:44.207 --> 00:02:45.569
Oh, you're hilarious.

00:02:45.569 --> 00:02:47.473
What did you think about being the youngest?

00:02:47.473 --> 00:02:50.585
What kind of advantages do you feel you got?

00:02:50.585 --> 00:02:51.948
You know what's?

00:02:52.609 --> 00:03:01.307
crazy like and I really mean this 100% I've never even thought about it once in my life, I'm not even kidding you.

00:03:01.307 --> 00:03:09.621
Not once in my life did I think about me, in the sense of my age, as a sibling Like.

00:03:09.621 --> 00:03:12.751
Not once, ever, until our podcast.

00:03:15.420 --> 00:03:21.072
So what you're saying, then, is that I'm projecting all of my onto you.

00:03:22.840 --> 00:03:27.027
Well, I mean, you know the shoe fits.

00:03:27.027 --> 00:03:35.061
I mean, we were so far apart I know so you know, it's like obviously, if someone was like, do you have a sibling, I'd be well, yeah, obviously I have a sister.

00:03:35.061 --> 00:03:45.889
But like you know, like jet and fallon are like so close together, right two years apart so it's like they're they're intertwined friends.

00:03:45.889 --> 00:04:00.582
Come over, they're able to kind of yeah versus like by the time I had a friend over, you were like this age right so it was kind of like well, think about it you were starting grade one and I was starting high school yeah, it's like very different.

00:04:00.902 --> 00:04:03.186
You were starting high school and I was having my first kid.

00:04:03.447 --> 00:04:04.108
Yeah, that's it.

00:04:04.108 --> 00:04:05.969
So I mean we're in a different life.

00:04:05.969 --> 00:04:06.911
Yeah.

00:04:06.950 --> 00:04:11.040
So, I feel like we've we we've connected more as adults.

00:04:12.203 --> 00:04:43.084
I almost feel like in some ways, I was an only child, not in like, not in a negative way or anything, I just mean in the sense of like, because of that spread, you know so, like it, there was almost like, uh, there was gaps, right, like when you went to pei, right and you lived in pei and you know so there was like gaps where it was like oh, okay, lisa's like doing her own, yeah, yeah, so do you feel like you were kind of maybe not forgotten, but maybe like left to your own devices more?

00:04:44.487 --> 00:04:45.249
uh, not really.

00:04:45.249 --> 00:04:51.166
I feel like there's probably a lot of parents that don't do that kind of stuff.

00:04:51.166 --> 00:04:54.473
Even in your 40s, you know, I'm sure you know.

00:04:54.514 --> 00:05:14.874
So in some ways I guess we're forever kids in their minds, right yeah, when I was like 1920 living in PEI, you and mom had moved back here already, so I was like in a different province all by myself and I like never talked to her.

00:05:14.874 --> 00:05:19.091
I think I called her at Christmas Do you know what I mean?

00:05:19.091 --> 00:05:21.519
And now, as a parent, I'm mortified.

00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:27.702
I'm like that was heartless, like at least call the woman every sunday to sell, tell her you're alive.

00:05:27.702 --> 00:05:28.846
You know what I mean, like.

00:05:30.709 --> 00:05:32.994
But I think that's normal, though I I do.

00:05:33.420 --> 00:05:34.163
I do too too.

00:05:34.423 --> 00:05:47.699
In a way, though, I think it was normal then, I don't think it's normal now yeah, like I mean, if you want to talk about that, I mean there was a bazillion gaps where I didn't talk to anyone in the family.

00:05:47.699 --> 00:05:53.250
So I mean you know there was years, yeah, but is it our generation?

00:05:53.471 --> 00:05:54.473
because I don't like.

00:05:54.473 --> 00:05:57.822
I mean now you're seeing kids living at home, still like late 20s.

00:05:57.822 --> 00:05:58.603
No, I don't think.

00:05:58.624 --> 00:06:35.812
I actually don't think it's just how we look at family us like our family in general, I mean, I think I think we are, you know we'll do anything for each other, but at the same time, at there there is a there's like this disconnect where we're okay with that, you know, and I think, um, I think a lot of people are not okay with that, and we can go a month, three months, six months without talking to someone.

00:06:35.812 --> 00:06:40.107
Now I think that that's much, much harder.

00:06:40.107 --> 00:06:53.232
Um, over the years, you know, like now it's like, you know, I want to know what's going on or this, and that I think that just has to do with you know going from your footing.

00:06:53.451 --> 00:07:07.600
Yeah, and going from you know like who you are, and focusing on you and being so hyper focused on what you're doing to now kind of say like, oh shit, you know, I might only have 10 more Christmases left with them.

00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:10.608
Right, it's not a lot of time, right?

00:07:11.009 --> 00:07:11.249
Okay.

00:07:11.249 --> 00:07:24.194
So going back to like the oldest, youngest, middle child, all of that stuff, Do you find a difference raising your kids?

00:07:24.194 --> 00:07:28.120
Find a difference raising your kids.

00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:35.860
Are you acutely aware of some of the messages that you are giving in terms of that kind of thing Like family roles, youngest, oldest, that kind of stuff?

00:07:35.860 --> 00:07:37.685
Is it not even a second thought?

00:07:37.685 --> 00:07:38.408
And you don't even?

00:07:38.408 --> 00:07:41.208
I don't even think about it, don't even think about it.

00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:43.470
Maybe that's just cause I'm a guy, but you know you're still a father.

00:07:43.470 --> 00:07:43.872
What does that mean?

00:07:43.872 --> 00:07:44.314
I don't know about it.

00:07:44.334 --> 00:07:45.036
maybe that's just because I'm a guy.

00:07:45.036 --> 00:07:46.201
But you know, father, what does that mean?

00:07:46.422 --> 00:07:46.802
I don't know.

00:07:46.802 --> 00:07:48.045
You know it's, it's.

00:07:48.045 --> 00:07:58.088
It's just not something that's like for me lying, you know, I know that's a whole different topic there, but for me it's like if you lie.

00:07:59.815 --> 00:08:09.137
So let us know, were you the golden child, the scapegoat, the forgotten one, and did it ever change?

00:08:09.137 --> 00:08:11.843
We want to hear from you Now.

00:08:11.843 --> 00:08:17.439
Let's play everyone's favorite game, this or that.

00:08:17.980 --> 00:08:18.581
Are you ready?

00:08:18.581 --> 00:08:25.206
Yeah, absolutely Okay, you go, you start All right, rule follower sibling or versus rule breaker sibling.

00:08:25.454 --> 00:08:27.482
Oh, I was definitely the rule follower.

00:08:27.482 --> 00:08:28.745
Of course I was.

00:08:28.745 --> 00:08:30.439
I was too scared to break the rules.

00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:35.741
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh well, what about you?

00:08:35.741 --> 00:08:37.301
Rule follower or rule breaker?

00:08:37.434 --> 00:08:39.984
Well, I mean, I'm pretty sure I was pretty much the rule breaker.

00:08:40.075 --> 00:08:41.118
Yeah, I think so too.

00:08:42.903 --> 00:08:43.605
I'm glad you agree.

00:08:44.115 --> 00:08:45.201
Here shows my envy.

00:08:45.201 --> 00:08:47.321
I was so envious of you.

00:08:47.321 --> 00:08:51.562
Okay, shotgun seat or control of the remote.

00:08:52.664 --> 00:08:53.386
Shotgun seat.

00:08:53.527 --> 00:08:54.976
Yeah, I always wanted.

00:08:54.976 --> 00:08:59.548
Well, we didn't have, like like I grew up, we didn't really have a car.

00:08:59.548 --> 00:09:04.029
Um, so for me it was more like control of the remote.

00:09:04.070 --> 00:09:17.345
Man, just give me the remote all right uh oldest child pressure versus youngest child chaos well, clearly I'm gonna have the older child yeah, I'm gonna have the opposite.

00:09:19.336 --> 00:09:22.022
Doing the chore or pretending not to hear?

00:09:22.022 --> 00:09:23.866
I know your answer.

00:09:24.067 --> 00:09:27.979
I know your answer, pretending not to hear.

00:09:27.999 --> 00:09:32.489
Yeah, because, and because of that, I was always the one that did the chores.

00:09:32.489 --> 00:09:34.657
Jeez man.

00:09:35.238 --> 00:09:36.880
Jeez, oh my gosh.

00:09:36.880 --> 00:09:41.129
Okay, being mom's favorite versus being dad's favorite.

00:09:41.654 --> 00:09:48.197
I know I wasn't mom's favorite growing up, but I don't know if I could say I was dad's favorite either.

00:09:48.197 --> 00:09:49.943
I don't think dad had favorites.

00:09:49.943 --> 00:09:51.890
So are you?

00:09:51.890 --> 00:09:52.855
Are you saying that I'm?

00:09:52.855 --> 00:09:53.937
Going to say neither.

00:09:53.937 --> 00:09:56.143
I don't think I was anybody's favorite.

00:09:56.283 --> 00:10:04.485
You're talking about when I was born, Because obviously before those seven years you were just you.

00:10:05.575 --> 00:10:06.759
Okay, you keep saying this.

00:10:06.759 --> 00:10:07.802
It's six years.

00:10:07.903 --> 00:10:08.745
Six years sorry.

00:10:10.755 --> 00:10:14.861
I'm going to stick to my answer and say neither.

00:10:14.861 --> 00:10:16.524
What about you?

00:10:17.206 --> 00:10:19.629
I don't know, it's hard, it's hard to say.

00:10:19.629 --> 00:10:24.326
I feel like I had both moments of both.

00:10:24.326 --> 00:10:29.226
I feel like it was very balanced for me in my eyes, I guess.

00:10:29.226 --> 00:10:37.979
I don't feel like there was at least to me, I don't feel like there was any special treatment between the two of them to me.

00:10:37.999 --> 00:10:40.062
I don't feel like there was any special treatment between the two of them.

00:10:40.062 --> 00:10:41.325
Now, who do you think you're?

00:10:41.325 --> 00:10:43.969
You are mom's favorite or dad's favorite?

00:10:51.595 --> 00:10:52.456
Oh, I don't know, that's tough.

00:10:52.456 --> 00:10:58.779
That's tough Cause I feel like I have two completely different relationships between the two of them now, you know, and they're both great relationships, but it's hard to say.

00:11:00.495 --> 00:11:00.975
I think.

00:11:00.975 --> 00:11:05.427
I do think that I agree with you.

00:11:05.427 --> 00:11:08.844
I do think we have very different relationships.

00:11:08.844 --> 00:11:13.541
Yeah, Now I got a question for you before we move on to the next.

00:11:13.541 --> 00:11:18.744
This or that, Do you have favorites?

00:11:19.365 --> 00:11:22.082
No, I don't have favorites with my kids.

00:11:22.082 --> 00:11:25.485
I don't have favorites with my parents.

00:11:25.485 --> 00:11:28.063
I don't have favorites with anything.

00:11:28.975 --> 00:11:50.018
So you know why I think I'm not getting upset about this topic of favorites is because now, as a parent I read, I realize that favorites it's not about favorites, it's about who you're connecting with more at a certain time in life and it has nothing.

00:11:50.018 --> 00:11:53.024
It's nothing bad to do with any other person.

00:11:53.426 --> 00:11:54.027
Yeah, for sure.

00:11:54.288 --> 00:11:54.956
Do you know what I mean?

00:11:55.115 --> 00:11:59.864
Yeah, yeah, you can be connected more at one point in life and then less than the other.

00:11:59.945 --> 00:12:00.465
Exactly.

00:12:00.725 --> 00:12:02.990
Getting blamed versus always blaming.

00:12:04.336 --> 00:12:07.505
I'm going to say I always felt like I was getting blamed.

00:12:10.054 --> 00:12:12.799
Okay, what about you?

00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:21.017
I mean me too, but I think every child is gonna say that I know I would love to see so unfair.

00:12:21.017 --> 00:12:24.283
I would love to see a child being like oh yeah, I always blame.

00:12:24.303 --> 00:12:34.023
Yeah, okay, you know yeah oh my gosh um so praise with pressure or freedom, with neglect.

00:12:34.442 --> 00:12:35.504
I don't even understand that.

00:12:35.605 --> 00:12:42.456
Okay, so you got praised a lot, but it came with pressure Versus.

00:12:42.456 --> 00:12:45.245
You had a lot of freedom, but you felt neglected.

00:12:45.514 --> 00:12:50.067
I feel like my kids have so much freedom compared to us.

00:12:50.067 --> 00:13:08.205
I mean so much freedom, I mean the amount of freedom is like, oh my God, if they were living in our lives and our lives were not horrible, but if they were living in our position they would not survive.

00:13:08.346 --> 00:13:09.107
They would not survive.

00:13:09.107 --> 00:13:23.846
Okay, so let's just say freedom with neglect by default, because not that we weren't praised, but if it's praised with pressure, then we didn't have that.

00:13:23.846 --> 00:13:24.768
I don't know.

00:13:24.948 --> 00:13:25.909
We didn't have that I don't know.

00:13:25.909 --> 00:13:28.163
My memory's so wonky with this stuff.

00:13:28.163 --> 00:13:34.006
Okay, I'm telling mom versus snitches, get stitches.

00:13:35.056 --> 00:13:42.057
Well, I know what you're going to say about me, jeez, oh, oh my gosh.

00:13:42.057 --> 00:13:42.398
No, I think.

00:13:42.398 --> 00:13:44.282
Listen honestly, josh.

00:13:44.282 --> 00:13:52.179
I think, despite the one incident of 94, that we keep going back to year after year after year oh my, okay to rehash.

00:13:52.179 --> 00:14:00.049
I think we were pretty like snitches get stitches being the family therapist versus being the family ghoster.

00:14:00.370 --> 00:14:01.091
Family ghoster.

00:14:01.274 --> 00:14:08.283
Yeah, I'm the family therapist Heads down without even thinking.

00:14:09.916 --> 00:14:11.322
Overachiever or underdog.

00:14:12.756 --> 00:14:14.464
I'm going to say underdog what?

00:14:14.464 --> 00:14:17.144
I was never an overachiever.

00:14:17.144 --> 00:14:19.302
What are you talking about?

00:14:20.135 --> 00:14:23.326
You were an underdog.

00:14:24.216 --> 00:14:26.264
Well yeah, I was never an overachiever.

00:14:26.735 --> 00:14:28.763
I always looked at you like an overachiever.

00:14:30.118 --> 00:14:30.740
Are you serious?

00:14:30.740 --> 00:14:35.923
In what way did I overachieve as a single mother at 20?

00:14:35.923 --> 00:14:38.528
In what way?

00:14:38.528 --> 00:14:39.679
Please enlighten me.

00:14:40.195 --> 00:14:42.283
Well, shit, that was way better than my situation.

00:14:42.283 --> 00:14:49.522
Oh my goodness, At least you brought life into the world.

00:14:51.495 --> 00:14:54.225
Fuck it, christ, you're crazy.

00:14:54.225 --> 00:14:55.399
Oh my.

00:14:55.399 --> 00:14:59.057
God, josh, I swear, all right.

00:14:59.057 --> 00:15:05.203
This next one comes from a listener who's fighting the golden child curse.

00:15:05.706 --> 00:15:06.027
Oh boy.

00:15:06.615 --> 00:15:07.600
Decades later.

00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:10.902
All right, let me read this one.

00:15:10.902 --> 00:15:16.267
Dear siblings, my sister was always the golden child.

00:15:16.267 --> 00:15:18.583
Even when I succeeded, it wasn't enough.

00:15:18.583 --> 00:15:27.767
Now we're in our 40s and our parents still act like I'm the screw up, even though I'm the one helping them pay bills and manage everything.

00:15:27.767 --> 00:15:31.342
Should I confront them or let it go and keep the peace?

00:15:31.342 --> 00:15:34.878
Yeesh yeesh.

00:15:34.918 --> 00:15:57.403
I think the problem with this is that the writer is looking at success from a financial standpoint, because they're saying you know, I'm helping the parents with the bills and to manage everything, and you know the parents might not be looking at success in the same way.

00:15:57.403 --> 00:16:06.628
So I think, at least in my eyes I think it's about what they see and how they see it.

00:16:06.628 --> 00:16:13.486
So I think a conversation is definitely needed to figure out why do you say these things to me?

00:16:13.486 --> 00:16:14.980
Or why do you act this way?

00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:28.081
Because I'm doing X, y, z, and then from that they should at least be like oh well, you know, I never thought about xyz like that's not why you know, so and so I don't know.

00:16:28.962 --> 00:16:30.144
You know, that's how I look at it.

00:16:30.144 --> 00:16:39.688
You know, like success, you know some people are like you know, have no money but they have like the best work-life balance ever and they're like I'm successful, you know.

00:16:39.688 --> 00:16:44.988
And then you have others who are like you're not successful unless you have a million bucks in your bank account.

00:16:44.988 --> 00:16:46.533
Right.

00:16:47.636 --> 00:16:48.178
You're right.

00:16:48.178 --> 00:16:52.421
It depends on what success means.

00:16:52.421 --> 00:17:09.163
However, it shouldn't it shouldn't I'm not, I'm not saying it doesn't, but it shouldn't be about how or what other people think success should be.

00:17:09.163 --> 00:17:24.318
It should be what you think success is, and what I'm reading from this is that this writer is very much focusing on what they think success is.

00:17:24.971 --> 00:17:26.634
I think we're saying the same thing technically.

00:17:26.634 --> 00:17:39.702
Oh okay, you know that's how I feel, right Like you're so hyper focused on what they're doing, so it's making you feel like shit but also like or let it go and keep the peace.

00:17:40.790 --> 00:17:48.661
Keep the peace like if you confront them and say why, what is it about my success?

00:17:48.661 --> 00:17:49.682
That's not enough.

00:17:49.682 --> 00:17:57.152
For example, why would that not be a peaceful conversation?

00:17:57.152 --> 00:17:59.117
How, like, I'm wondering.

00:17:59.117 --> 00:18:01.304
Well, it depends yeah, that's.

00:18:01.384 --> 00:18:04.791
It depends on on the situation, I guess with them right.

00:18:04.791 --> 00:18:14.506
Well, you know, chances are, um, uh know, there's probably some, I don't know, some miscommunication issues over there.

00:18:15.711 --> 00:18:28.116
Yeah, clearly I'm going to get a little personal, so it's a different scenario, but I think the end is what what counts.

00:18:28.116 --> 00:18:43.871
So my oldest child went through quite a few different like really big life experiences, okay, and I, as a mother, was so focused on what did I miss, what the fuck did I get wrong?

00:18:43.871 --> 00:18:59.011
That you're, I was so focused on looking at myself and what I missed and how I felt, and what I understood and didn't understand, and what I wanted and what I didn't want, that I failed to see the human being in front of me.

00:18:59.011 --> 00:19:13.114
Okay, once I realized that, even though this was my child, essentially a part of you, right, it isn't you?

00:19:14.037 --> 00:19:14.880
Right, you don't own them.

00:19:15.230 --> 00:19:16.576
You do not own them.

00:19:16.576 --> 00:19:25.064
You obviously it's like unheard of to not have hopes and dreams for your child.

00:19:25.064 --> 00:19:37.644
Of course you are, but there has to be some sort of a division between what you would love and then the reality of it.

00:19:37.644 --> 00:20:05.213
Right, yeah, at the end of the day, I'm sure mom and dad had wonderful dreams about what we could achieve, or what they would like us to have been, or what they would like us to have been right, but I know now that both of them they look at us like successful adults.

00:20:05.233 --> 00:20:06.134
They're proud of us, of our achievements.

00:20:06.134 --> 00:20:22.204
Right, you need to kind of take a step back and realize the damage that you're doing by holding on to what you want yeah instead of just allowing what's there to flourish.

00:20:22.204 --> 00:20:24.792
Does that make sense?

00:20:25.513 --> 00:20:34.431
we don't own them and um, you know we we like to pretend we do and uh, you know, but they're their own people.

00:20:34.431 --> 00:20:35.733
We brought them into the world.

00:20:35.733 --> 00:20:45.759
That's the biggest gift yeah but other than that, you know like we have to let them be yeah, like, what is the goal of parenting to?

00:20:45.921 --> 00:21:00.144
to obviously teach them things, instill good values and make them good human beings so that when they are out there in the world they can succeed and flourish and grow.

00:21:00.144 --> 00:21:04.856
Yeah, and all that stuff for them, not for us.

00:21:04.876 --> 00:21:06.440
Well, yeah, of course.

00:21:06.740 --> 00:21:07.101
Right.

00:21:07.422 --> 00:21:07.642
Mm-hmm.

00:21:08.202 --> 00:21:11.576
So yeah, I say yes, confront them.

00:21:11.596 --> 00:21:13.119
Yeah, confront them.

00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:14.911
Yeah, yeah, yeah me too because enough is enough.

00:21:15.131 --> 00:21:42.250
At this point you know you're in your 40s like yeah enough yeah and maybe that will result in walking away, having better boundary I'm not better boundaries, but maybe having more boundaries or whatever the case and and maybe a little bit of peace would be beneficial for everybody involved.

00:21:42.250 --> 00:21:45.075
Maybe I don't know, what do you think?

00:21:45.375 --> 00:21:50.020
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, yeah, yeah, I think there needs to be a conversation.

00:21:50.201 --> 00:21:50.942
Yeah, for sure.

00:21:50.942 --> 00:21:58.521
Okay, time for me to finally talk about the bug incident.

00:21:58.521 --> 00:22:03.759
Back to the late 80s.

00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:10.156
Maybe you were seven or eight, so you may not remember this.

00:22:10.156 --> 00:22:11.695
I'm springing this one on you.

00:22:11.695 --> 00:22:20.656
I got in trouble with mom and you sat on her lap and said I'll never be like that.

00:22:20.656 --> 00:22:23.555
Mom, I love you.

00:22:24.951 --> 00:22:25.836
Oh my gosh.

00:22:27.731 --> 00:22:36.718
You pissed me off, you were annoying and I kind of killed your collection.

00:22:36.718 --> 00:22:38.936
Do you remember that?

00:22:38.936 --> 00:22:39.137
No.

00:22:39.137 --> 00:22:43.394
I've been holding this guilt for so long, Josh.

00:22:43.394 --> 00:22:47.616
No, it was really like cruel.

00:22:47.616 --> 00:22:50.518
You know, I was a very nice person.

00:22:50.518 --> 00:22:52.105
I was a very nice person.

00:22:52.105 --> 00:22:54.096
I was not a very nice person.

00:22:54.416 --> 00:22:54.898
Good to know.

00:22:54.898 --> 00:22:56.094
Good to know you're vengeful.

00:22:56.957 --> 00:23:10.617
I know right, horrible person that I am, what is one of the punishments that we got in the 90s Like a very 90s style punishment?

00:23:18.910 --> 00:23:21.823
that you wouldn't necessarily have now.

00:23:21.823 --> 00:23:22.224
The wooden spoon.

00:23:22.224 --> 00:23:23.088
The wooden spoon, yeah for sure.

00:23:23.108 --> 00:23:31.790
The belt, yeah now, we're, all you know a little softer, do you think, do you?

00:23:31.911 --> 00:23:33.653
think kids now could benefit from a little spanking.

00:23:33.653 --> 00:23:42.546
I feel like, whether you're spanking them or not, letting them watch tv, it's it's the same thing.

00:23:42.546 --> 00:23:49.498
Now, what I mean by that is is it's the same thing in the sense of like the punishment, there's a punishment.

00:23:49.498 --> 00:23:51.701
So why would I smack?

00:23:51.701 --> 00:23:52.541
You know?

00:23:52.541 --> 00:23:54.243
Why not just do the other one?

00:23:54.243 --> 00:24:05.071
Because to me, by doing the other one, there isn't going to be any of this possible backdoor drama going on trauma or whatever.

00:24:05.071 --> 00:24:10.082
So I rather just do that Like no one's going to go to therapy and be like you know.

00:24:10.442 --> 00:24:13.696
They took away my phone, yeah you know exactly right.

00:24:14.833 --> 00:24:16.084
It's about redirection.

00:24:16.084 --> 00:24:16.669
Yeah.

00:24:17.191 --> 00:24:30.057
And so if I'm redirecting, like, there's no point in me doing that because it's the positive anyways, it's the positive reinforcement where they learn anyways, it's not so much about the punishment.

00:24:30.057 --> 00:24:33.092
So you're using negative reinforcement, right?

00:24:33.092 --> 00:24:34.655
You're taking something away from them.

00:24:34.655 --> 00:24:49.395
So by taking something away, you're hoping that the behavior changes, and so you still need to focus on the positive reinforcement, versus if you're smacking them, it's positive punishment, right.

00:24:49.395 --> 00:24:56.365
So you're adding something in order to try and you know, remove the behavior.

00:24:56.365 --> 00:25:08.223
So I try to take away something because I stay in that positive reinforcement quadrant as opposed to yeah, as opposed to being physical.

00:25:08.223 --> 00:25:08.683
Yeah.

00:25:09.045 --> 00:25:10.145
So, yeah.

00:25:10.145 --> 00:25:34.253
Because then there's possible fear, and then when we're dealing with fear now we're dealing with not being communicative, right, and and other things kind of come to play, and then if the only reason why my kid is not doing something is because he's going to get whipped, then in my opinion that just creates more trauma.

00:25:34.513 --> 00:25:41.012
I have a question for you do you think having a little bit of fear for your parent is a good thing?

00:25:41.012 --> 00:25:54.021
Yeah, but it doesn't have to be that kind of fear, no, no I understand, yeah, but when you think, having a little bit of fear for you like what does that mean?

00:25:54.423 --> 00:25:54.942
What it means.

00:25:54.942 --> 00:25:58.753
Yeah, but like it's like.

00:25:58.753 --> 00:26:02.082
It's like being a black belt in something.

00:26:02.082 --> 00:26:05.878
You're not just going to go on the street and high kick someone in the face.

00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:15.433
Because you can yeah face because you can, yeah, but but you know, when they know that you could, right, and when you know you could, you know it's.

00:26:15.433 --> 00:26:23.056
It's about kind of containing that monster and not letting it out, but knowing that I could if I wanted to.

00:26:23.056 --> 00:26:39.932
And I think that that is what our kids need to understand, not that we're gonna kick them, but in the sense that, like you know, in the sense of you did something wrong and I give you the look and I'm like why did you do that?

00:26:39.932 --> 00:27:08.760
And then understanding that I'm containing the monster within to have this conversation, but yet you know like fear me, you know like to like to to it to to a degree, but not, I don't know, not in like a weird way, just in a, in a, in a normal parent way yeah kind of thing yeah, back in the day, when we were growing up, we had, there was a certain amount of fear, there was a certain amount of respect given.

00:27:09.782 --> 00:27:11.384
That, I think, is missing now.

00:27:11.384 --> 00:27:18.676
Okay, let's go to Pop Culture Rewind, year 1992.

00:27:18.676 --> 00:27:21.236
Josh was 8.

00:27:21.236 --> 00:27:21.999
Yeah.

00:27:21.999 --> 00:27:24.474
I was 15.

00:27:24.474 --> 00:27:25.699
14.

00:27:25.699 --> 00:27:26.141
14.

00:27:27.191 --> 00:27:28.758
See, even you got the same years.

00:27:31.470 --> 00:27:31.631
So music.

00:27:31.631 --> 00:27:32.493
End of the road.

00:27:32.493 --> 00:27:33.438
Boyz II Men.

00:27:33.438 --> 00:27:34.574
Do you remember Boyz II Men?

00:27:34.634 --> 00:27:35.798
I do remember Boyz II Men.

00:27:35.910 --> 00:27:37.076
Baby Got Back.

00:27:37.190 --> 00:27:37.952
Criss Cross.

00:27:37.952 --> 00:27:38.936
I remember, yes.

00:27:40.051 --> 00:27:40.534
You know what?

00:27:40.534 --> 00:27:48.098
I think that was the one song that you and I both liked at the same time, and we used to like sing it together, right?

00:27:48.098 --> 00:27:48.420
Yeah.

00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:49.994
Do you remember?

00:27:49.994 --> 00:27:50.838
That yeah.

00:27:50.838 --> 00:27:53.551
I think I do good memories, okay.

00:27:53.551 --> 00:28:00.551
And uh, billy ray cyrus, even though none of us really liked country, neither one of us really liked country.

00:28:00.551 --> 00:28:02.336
Achy, breaky heart it's.

00:28:02.336 --> 00:28:04.300
You gotta remember that song.

00:28:04.300 --> 00:28:08.916
Yeah, like who doesn't you know, okay, there was melrose place.

00:28:08.916 --> 00:28:12.723
There was batman, the animated series, barney and friends.

00:28:12.723 --> 00:28:17.056
Uh, home alone.

00:28:17.135 --> 00:28:21.961
2 oh my gosh, yes uh, and wayne's world.

00:28:23.023 --> 00:28:24.164
Do you remember wayne's world?

00:28:24.204 --> 00:28:25.811
well, that was with keanu reeves.

00:28:25.811 --> 00:28:33.565
No, I'm thinking of um, i'm'm thinking of the other one with Keanu.

00:28:33.565 --> 00:28:36.194
Reeves no no, Keanu Reeves had a TV show.

00:28:37.538 --> 00:28:52.138
Oh, oh, with the telephone booth and the poster Hobbit, right here, the Adventures of Bill and Ted.

00:28:52.138 --> 00:28:56.201
Oh, that was it I knew it was the Adventures of something.

00:28:56.262 --> 00:28:57.923
Yeah, bill and Ted, excellent Adventures.

00:28:57.923 --> 00:29:01.646
Yes, 1989.

00:29:01.646 --> 00:29:02.448
Yeah, oh my God.

00:29:02.609 --> 00:29:06.595
I had such a crush on him oh well, Keanu Reeves is great.

00:29:06.595 --> 00:29:08.278
Good old days he's the best.

00:29:08.278 --> 00:29:08.779
Totally tubular.

00:29:08.779 --> 00:29:20.799
Yeah, flannel shirts with Doc Martens, slap bracelets, of course, and Super Nintendo was the hottest gaming system.

00:29:22.730 --> 00:29:26.099
I wanted one so bad until we finally got one.

00:29:26.862 --> 00:29:27.182
Yeah.

00:29:27.430 --> 00:29:28.654
But it was a little bit later.

00:29:29.498 --> 00:29:29.818
Yeah.

00:29:35.109 --> 00:29:35.390
Wow, all right.

00:29:35.390 --> 00:29:35.589
Good one.

00:29:35.589 --> 00:29:36.411
Yeah, but it was a little bit later.

00:29:36.411 --> 00:29:36.791
Yeah, wow, all right.

00:29:36.832 --> 00:29:37.112
Good one Good.

00:29:37.112 --> 00:29:41.875
That's a wrap on another episode of Nostalgic Sibling Chaos.

00:29:42.557 --> 00:29:48.362
If this episode made you question your family role or your sibling's memory, you are not alone.

00:29:49.423 --> 00:29:51.845
We've got plenty more dysfunction.

00:29:51.845 --> 00:29:53.046
Where that came from?

00:29:53.046 --> 00:29:53.686
Let me tell you.

00:30:06.316 --> 00:30:09.678
So, whether you're listening or watching, keep going Double dare.