Self-Care or Self-Indulgence? A Candid Revisit
The Thin Line Between Self-Care and Self-Indulgence: Rediscovering What Actually Works
The concept of self-care has exploded in popularity, but many of us remain confused about what constitutes genuine self-care versus mere self-indulgence. On a recent episode of Brother Sister Whatever, hosts Lisa and Josh revisited their popular self-care versus self-indulgence discussion, examining this nuanced topic through both feminine and masculine perspectives.
One of the most compelling insights that emerged was the idea that children instinctively understand self-care better than adults. As Josh points out, "Kids have it right. They know what's going to make them feel good and they stick with it." Children engage in activities purely for enjoyment and mental stimulation without the guilt or hesitation that adults experience. There's a natural wisdom in how children prioritize their own wellbeing—something that gradually gets "killed out of you" as societal expectations take hold. Lisa notes that many people in their 40s experience a revelation when they realize they need to reclaim this childhood wisdom and "pay attention to me too," especially if they want to effectively support others in their lives.
The hosts offered a clear, practical framework for distinguishing between self-care and self-indulgence. Josh used food as an analogy: self-care is having a balanced meal with a small treat, while self-indulgence is consuming only the indulgent item without nutritional balance. Similarly, spending 30 minutes gaming before everyone wakes up constitutes reasonable self-care, while gaming from 4 PM to 11 PM at the expense of responsibilities crosses into self-indulgence. The key differentiator isn't necessarily the activity itself but whether it fills your metaphorical cup or depletes it—whether it genuinely recharges you or merely provides momentary pleasure at a greater cost.
Perhaps the most surprising revelation in the discussion was about boundaries. Both hosts acknowledged they had previously viewed self-care narrowly—as physical pampering through bubble baths, skincare routines, or similar activities. Now they recognize that setting healthy boundaries might be "the ultimate self-care." As Lisa emphatically states, "Setting a boundary does 10 times more for my self-care than any amount of reading a book or sitting in a room full of scented candles and meditating." This powerful insight challenges the commercialized version of self-care perpetuated on social media platforms, which often emphasizes purchasing products rather than making meaningful life adjustments.
The conversation also highlighted the gender divide in self-care approaches and social acceptance. Josh observed that for men, self-care often feels taboo—"We're not allowed to talk about that kind of thing. You're not even allowed to do it." Men are caught between competing messages, with some encouraging emotional expression while others mock it as unmasculine. These conflicting expectations create confusion and barriers to genuine self-care for many men. The hosts concluded with a playful "this or that" segment comparing stereotypically masculine and feminine self-care preferences, revealing how individual choices don't always align with gender expectations.
The episode reminds us that self-care isn't a destination but a journey—an ongoing process of discovering what truly replenishes our energy and mental health. As Josh insightfully notes, even the most enlightened individuals like the Dalai Lama wouldn't claim to have "maxed out" their self-care practice. This perspective liberates us from the pressure of perfection and invites us to approach self-care with curiosity and adaptability. The ultimate measure isn't whether our self-care resembles the Instagram-worthy moments we see online, but whether it genuinely fills our cup and enables us to live with greater presence and purpose.
